Budget Talk: Go Back to Work or Stay Home?

Allison is a stay at home mom and Vanessa is a working mom.  Neither is better and both of them are doing what they do for different reasons.  Here are some candid answers to the things they asked themselves when determining what was the right choice for their family.

1.) Were finances a factor in your decision to stay home or go back to work?

V: Yes and no.  I knew from the day I found out I was pregnant that I wanted to be a working mom.  I grew up with a hardworking, superwoman mom that is my role model and I wanted to be the same to my future kiddo.  And yes, they were a factor because we wouldn’t be able to maintain the same lifestyle if it weren’t for my financial contribution, so if I wanted to stay home that would mean no more eating out as much, manis and pedis, nice car or random shopping trips…I know…sounds materialistic and superficial but they weren’t sacrifices I was willing to make.

A: Finances were not a concern for me… I always knew I wanted to stay at home when the time came to have children and I was willing to make whatever sacrifices in order to do so; however, my husband and CFO of our household was definitely concerned about finances. I was willing to give up everything in order to stay home with my son, but Wesley wasn’t sure it would be enough. Ultimately Wesley was more concerned with my happiness and less about the finances, but it remains a constant conversation in our home.

2.) When you think about the “cost of daycare”, what do you calculate?

V: The tuition, the mileage it takes to get us there, the extra diapers (state mandates a certain amount of changings per day regardless of the moisture factor), the extra food and the additional fees we are charged for supplies etc.  Also, I’m a firm believer in “you get what you pay for” and in that regard, I wasn’t going to find some bargain daycare in the hopes of affordable childcare.  We ultimately found The Goddard School and have been over the moon thrilled with the quality of care (regardless of the cost.)

A: Since I’m not an advocate for daycare, especially at an early age, I calculate more than I probably should. I think about the fact that Lincoln would have to be in disposable diapers rather than cloth and how I would have to start buying Lincoln’s food rather than pureeing it myself. I consider how much I’m worth in the workforce, the cost of gas, time off from work when Lincoln gets sick (which would be more being in daycare), time away from my son, etc. Ultimately I calculate whether the tiny bit of extra money in our pockets after paying for all of the above is worth being away from my son and having him raised by someone else.

3.) What are the top 3 reasons you would choose daycare?

V: The academic benefit, the socialization and the exposure to germs (I’d much rather her build up that immune system now!)

A: I would never choose day care for my kids until they are mobile. Once they are a little more self sufficient (crawling, communicating, etc.) I would choose daycare for the social component, the ability for my son and I to have separation from each other, and the opportunity to learn and play with the things that we don’t have in our home.

4.) What are the top 3 reasons you would choose to stay home?

V: If money wasn’t an issue, if it would have made me a better mom and wife to stay home and if I would feel fulfilled.

A: I chose to stay at home, because I didn’t want my son exposed to germs at an early age especially since he was on an alternate vaccine schedule. Second, he was still so tiny and I couldn’t imagine someone else holding and loving on my tiny, precious, and helpless bundle of joy. And last, everything I have read says there is no real social benefit to a child being in daycare at an early age, because they do more side by side playing rather than direct interaction until about the age of 2.

5.) Is staying at home or being a working mom going to be a permanent decision?

V: Unless I become Octomom and multiply our family so rapidly that there are little Barry babies everywhere and I cannot physically get to work…I’ll be working!

A: As much as I’d love to stay at home forever and ever, until we have more children it is not a permanent decision. I love being with my son and managing our household, but I know that as Lincoln gets older he needs more than what I can provide.

6.) Do your husbands fully embrace your decision?

V: Yes, 100%.  Matt grew up with a stay-at-home mom who ultimately decided to run an at home daycare to spend more time with her children and I was VERY transparent when we met, found out we were pregnant, etc that staying at home just isn’t in my DNA.  He was fully supportive and still is.  Additionally, he knows he wouldn’t be able to play in his extracurricular softball and soccer leagues if it wasn’t for the extra bacon I bring home.

A: Wesley definitely did not full embrace my decision to stay home with Lincoln in the beginning. He looked at the bottom line and that was finances. We were able to save money by switching to cloth diapers and having me make all of Lincoln’s food; however, Wesley still doesn’t love the fact we are a single income family. At the end of the day, he does embrace it though because I am exactly where I want to be… at home with my son.

7.) Does your decision ever cause conflict in your relationship?

V: Matt and I have very open communication and we work hard to not let anything ever get to a point of conflict.  But, with that being said, finances can be frustrating for everyone (even if you’re Donald Trump!) and so work as it relates to finances has been a source of conflict.

A: My husband and I have a strong bond and a great understanding about what we bring to the relationship, but even the greatest of relationships have their struggles. It’s not my decision to stay home that causes conflicts per say, but we definitely have our “talks” about money, my sanity, household duties, etc.

8.) What’s the best part of your day being a stay at home mom or working mom?

V: I love dinner time.  Matt, Caroline and I do our best to have dinner together every night and that time is sacred to me.  We turn off the TVs, put our phones away and engage in active conversation.

A: The best part of my day is when Daddy comes home and we get to greet him and tell him all about what we learned and accomplished for the day.