A few years ago, I heard some buzz about the Five Love Languages.  I wasn’t sure exactly what it was all about and I didn’t do too much research.  As a wedding gift, one of Allison’s best friends, Xaviera, gave her the book and mentioned in passing that the book changed her relationship.  Fast forward to our kids getting older and our relationships changing, we both read the book and now swear by it and the magic it can make happen for your relationship.  In two sentences, the Five Love Languages takes readers through different ways people give love and expect love.  The thought process behind it is that if you don’t have a good understanding of our significant other’s love language, you will have a rough marriage for no reason other than not having a common understanding of what “Fills the other’s love tank.”

We thought it would be fun to go through each love language, provide a quick definition of it and what we think of when it comes to that language and where it ranks for us.

Words of Affirmation: Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

{V}: Words of Affirmation is one of my top love languages not only at home but at work, too.  I THRIVE when my boss publicly recognizes me and tells others I’ve done an excellent job and I need the same from my husband.  When he tells me that he appreciates the sacrifices I make (working away from home) for our family, it makes me swoon.  On the other hand…if he doesn’t say anything to me…I get VERY annoyed.  I feel like he should compliment me every day and trust me…I do something awesome enough every day to be complimented.  Ha!

{A}: Words of affirmation are up there on my list, but definitely not what make me thrive in my marriage. In fact, words of affirmation fall right in the middle of the 5 love languages. So I guess I kind of feel neutral about it. Sure, I don’t feel great about myself if I hear something negative, but then again, who does? And yes, I love to hear positive things about myself and what I do for our family. BUT, I don’t thrive off of this love language. Great if you do, fine if you don’t is my mentality.

Physical Touch: Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

{V}: Physical Touch is last on my list.  Trust me, I think my hubby is hotter than an award winning chili but I don’t want to cuddle.  I try to hold his hand from time to time but the height difference, sweaty palms and other forces of nature make it awkward.  Fortunately for me, my hubby is not a big hand holder/hugger either so this isn’t much of a problem.  However, I will say, that Matt and I cannot go to bed unless our feet our touching…sort of weird but it’s one of our things.  And beside, a little nightime game of footsie never hurt anyone anyway!

{A}: Like Vanessa, physical touch is absolutely dead last on my list. Sorry, honey! This is actually a source of conflict, because it’s number 1 with how my husband loves. I have to work at this… really really hard. I’m not the type of person who snuggles on the couch. I’m the type of person who intentionally got an “L” shaped sofa so that I have my section and Wesley has his section. I also don’t want a stray foot on my leg in the middle of the night… get on your side of the bed and get OFF me! Sorry, it’s just last.

Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

{V}: This is one thing we’re working on.  I do my best to be thoughtful for Matt…I took boudoir pictures before our wedding with a University of Michigan garter, got him a nice set of “DADDY” blocks for Father’s Day and worked with a designer to get a Detroit Free Press article printed for his 31st Birthday…where are those things?  Two of them are thrown in the closet because he could care less about them (at least that’s how I feel) and the “DADDY” blocks are on his desk because I made him take them there.  I feel like this is how I SHOW love and I would just die a sweet and happy death if just once Matt did something thoughtful for me.  In fact, that’s what I’ve asked Santa for.

{A}: This is 2nd to last with how I love and I don’t think Wesley minds, LOL! Yes, I love gifts; however, I don’t feel more loved because of them. Wesley has learned that if he’s searching for special love and affection from me for buying me a pair of diamond earrings he’s NOT going to get it. So he doesn’t try anymore… wait, maybe I shot myself in the foot on this one.

Acts of Service: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

{V}: Ahh…acts of service.  This is my other love language.  I wish sometimes Matt would offer up “Let me do that for you” instead of doing what I’ve asked him to do but either way I love when he does stuff instead of me.  It’s better when he does it with a smile but that rarely happens (but let’s get real…who smiles when they’re washing bottles, changing laundry or poopy diapers?)

{A}: Acts of service is 2nd in line with how I love, which is weird now that I think about it. I absolutely loathe when Wesley helps with anything. In fact, it makes me feel like I’m not doing my part and am failing. BUT I do love a good foot rub, back rub (with no expectations), and a cooked meal occasionally. So maybe that is why it’s towards the top of my love languages.

Quality Time: Nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

{V}: This topic caused a mini-argument on one of our first Austin dates.  I think the hardest thing with quality time is finding a definition that both people are happy with.  My husband thinks that sitting on the couch next to each other with us both on our phones or computer co-existing is quality time.  I disagree.  I want him to be fully engaged in the TV show we’re watching or dinner or whatever it is.  He will argue that it’s okay for me to be on my phone but he can’t and sometimes that’s true but it depends on what he’s doing.  If he’s watching the live stream of a game while we’re watching one of our shows…I’m annoyed…if he’s playing a quiet game of words with friends while we’re watching one of our shows…not so annoyed.  Anyway, quality time is tough to nail down but I don’t think it’s a huge priority to me to have Matt’s undivided attention–sad as that sounds–I’d rather him butter me up with compliments while doing my laundry!

{A}: This is 100% how I love the MOST with anyone in life, not just my husband. I need undivided attention, people! I’m that girl that will be rambling on and on and then I’ll sporadically say, “Are you listening to me?” I feel loved when Wesley decides to work from home or go to the grocery store with me or drive me to a doctor’s appointment, etc. etc. That’s just how I love and he knows it. This is definitely a struggle in our marriage, because my husband is pulled in a million directions with a very demanding career; however, he gives 100% effort to give me what I want/need…time!

So, what’s your love language?  Comment below with what you think yours is and why and you’ll be entered to win a $25 gift card to Uchi!  Yum yum!


  1. I think my love language is Acts of Service. Doing the dishes, laundry or preparing the next bottle for j so I don’t have to is what speaks volumes to me!

  2. First off, I swear by this book.

    Words of Affirmation and Quality Time are my top 2. Luckily my husband is good at Words of Affirmation, but we struggle with quality time due to his demanding job. So when we do take advantage of quality time, it means that much more! Great blog ladies and even better giveaway 😉

  3. Words of affirmation and quality time are neck and neck for me. We spend as much quality time together as our kids allow 🙂 But when we can’t, just hearing “I love you” and “you mean the world to me” makes my heart swell.

  4. Words of Affirmation for me! I like the instant gratification of someone saying they appreciate something or that I did a good job. This probably explains why I am back in school…again! I create something and get a grade. It’s a simple as that. And if I don’t get an “A” then yes, I will get upset!

  5. This book has totally changed my relationship with my husband! His love language is physical touch and sometimes I have to tell him “okay stop kissing my cheek!” or “get your hands off my butt” and in his eyes, he is showing me love. My love language, on the other hand, is words of affirmation. I probably say I love you 100 times a day. We are working on speaking each others!

  6. Absolutely love this! I have heard so much about the five love languages but never read the book or full definition. Can’t wait to read this to my hubby and quiz him on what he thinks I speak!

  7. So I don’t need to be entered but wanted to comment anyway…probably one of mine is acts of service. I was thinking about what Vanessa said about quality time. I read The happiness project by Gretchen Rubin and one thing she discovered was that- for a lot of men- sitting watching tv, or being side by side on computers, but not necessarily talking, often is viewed as quality time by men- but probably not a lot of women!

  8. I love this post! Not a lot of people know about the Five Love Languages, but they are so important. My love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. My husband’s is Physical Touch. Luckily, we know what’s important to each other!

  9. Number 1 – words of affirmation — tell me I look pretty when my hair is in a ponytail and baby food is all over my T-shirt (yes- the same shirt I wore yesterday and then to bed last night) … that’s love.
    Number 2 – physical touch — then I’ll need a hug please.

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