Learning that you’re pregnant outside of wedlock can come as a shock. Yes, you realize that by being a sexually active single it’s a possibility, but you’re never fully prepared for the news.

Wesley and I met in 2007 and knew we wanted to spend our lives together.

After a couple of years of dating, something just seemed “off”. I called my OBGYN and told them either I was going through early menopause or was pregnant and that I needed to be seen ASAP. They said I needed to rule out pregnancy before coming in. I called my sister and told her the story… She said I needed to go to Target specifically to pick up a test, because that’s where she bought her test from when she found out she was pregnant. I took the test home on my lunch break, took it, called my sister, waited for the test to do it’s thing, and yep, I was pregnant.

A couple of weeks of panic and havoc went by before we could go to our first appointment. The moment Wesley saw the ultrasound and our son’s beating heart, all fear, panic, and worry vanished. He was in complete and total love and couldn’t have cared less about finances, job security, our relationship status, where we were living, or the fear of becoming a Dad. We knew we shouldn’t tell many people because of the chance of a miscarriage, but we joked that anything we created would be too stubborn to go anywhere.

Wesley and I definitely had to make some fast changes in life, but I had a job where I was completely covered by insurance, a roof over my head, a wonderful and loving boyfriend, and great supportive family and friends. I have to admit though, even though I had all of the above I was so embarrassed I wasn’t married. As my belly started to grow and show I went and bought myself a $30 fake wedding band. I begged and pleaded for Wesley to marry me before the baby was born. “Pllllleeeease” I would say, “just MARRY ME!” Even though he wanted to marry me he didn’t want to rush to ask me JUST because of our pregnancy. And he said I wouldn’t want to look back at photos and see myself all big. I would say, “YES!!! I DO JUST MAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRYYYYY ME!!!!” After months of begging and a due date around the corner, I gave up on the idea.

It was June 12th, a week after my 29th birthday and we were getting ready to go to a friend’s wedding. He had love songs blaring on the I-Pod and was drinking Whisky at like 3 pm. I was so confused… he never got that excited about going to weddings and certainly didn’t chug a Whisky and Water in the middle of the afternoon, but I just assumed he was pumped for the wedding. I was in the middle of curling my hair when he pulled me away from my curling iron and took me to the living room and started dancing with me. I was just so confused by his behavior and wanted to get back to my hair…. and I was very obvious about it. He asked me to chill out about my hair and took me into our son’s finished nursery and we just stood there looking at the little letters on the wall that spelled his name. I turned around so I could get back to my hair and he was down on one knee with a box. He couldn’t even say a word before I screamed “you’re asking me to marry you!!!!” It was official, we were engaged to be married! And I could have cared two toots that the wedding wouldn’t happen until after our baby was born, because I had a ROCK on my finger… and it wasn’t fake this time!

We got married June 18th, 2011 and it was just absolutely amazing and we had our little creation there with us. We wouldn’t have changed a thing and I’m so happy I had my baby out of wedlock, because I was able to focus my entire pregnancy on myself and my son. The circumstances and story of events certainly weren’t ideal, but we are just as happy (maybe even happier) than had we done life in a different sequence. Thank God for children regardless of your marital status, because they truly are a blessing.

1.) What were some of the challenges you faced being an unwed mother (if any)? They were more fears than challenges. I had the fear of Wesley leaving me and being a single mom, fear that we’d be broke, fear of what people would think of me, etc. I never looked at anything as challenges, because I knew that it didn’t matter—I wanted our baby regardless of the level of difficulty I would be dealt!

2.) Did you have to deal with any negative opinions? If so, how did you handle that? I was fortunate to have had very little negativity surrounding my pregnancy out of wedlock, but you always have that one person who says something stupid. With that said, I was at an event and not even showing yet. I mentioned to a mother of a girl I knew that I was expecting and her first words were “Oh, I didn’t know you had gotten married…”. I told her that I hadn’t gotten married and then just sort of walked away all awkward feeling. 

3.) Is there anything that would have been easier about being pregnant and preparing for your child had you been married? Yes and no. I think had we been married I wouldn’t have felt so inclined to explain to everyone that we weren’t married….yet, but really that’s about it. I was really lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend that participated in EVERY SINGLE doctor’s visit, registered with me, painted the nursery, cleaned our house so I didn’t have to be subjected to toxic fumes, brought the groceries in, rubbed my feet, and brought me water and my vitamin every night before bed time. We were and still are a family!

4.) Now that you’re married, do you think being pregnant with baby #2 will be any different? Not at all! I don’t think Wesley will make it to every single doctor’s appointment like he did before, but I know he will be just as involved as he was with Lincoln. A piece of paper doesn’t change a thing.

5.) What would be your advice for a young woman in the same situation you found yourself in? Not everyone who finds them self pregnant and unmarried is in my same situation, because I did have such an amazing partner. But, my advice is and always will be that children are gifts from God. Not everyone can conceive so look at this tiny bundle as the greatest thing you will ever be given in life, because motherhood is the most wonderful experience and gives life new meaning. My life before motherhood somehow seems meaningless.

6.) What do you think is the single most important thing to keep in mind when preparing for a baby out of wedlock? God doesn’t give us anything in life that we can’t handle.

What order did you go in? All we know and believe is that babies are joyous gifts regardless of the order!!!

 

 

18 COMMENTS

  1. Enjoyed your blog again! Especially since I can relate! I had my daughter Sophia out of wedlock…my husband and I have since gotten married and now have another baby! God’s timing is perfect and Yes, children are gifts from God no matter when you receive them!!!

  2. Great blog Allison! Unfortunately in our society, there is still a stereotype regarding this topic. I think you and Wesley did an amazing job and your son is a lucky little man. 🙂

  3. I really loved the blog girl. Just read it. It’s so similar to my story! We were already engaged but we had delayed wedding plans and then became pregnant in the Fall. Girl I wore a fake band too! Lol. It’s the Christian upbringing I suppose. But its true God’s timing is perfect. We are married now,still haven’t gotten my wedding but in time we will have a proper relgious blessing and vow ceremony. I will say that I am glad that we didn’t rush and have a wedding while I was pregnant.

  4. I think this is a great article for young women that don’t have the support system that you had/have. Shows them that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My name is Tommy and I’m addicted to Austin Moms blog. Hahahaha, love you all.

  5. I was 6 months preggo when I married my husband Billy. Today we are going on 7 years of marriage we now have two children and our love gets stronger everyday! We dated for 5 years before finding out we were expecting. It is no longer the 70’s having a child out of love is the way it should be. People should not look down on others who do have a baby out of wedlock, love is whats important.

  6. Well I was right about you having a beautiful, brunette baby I was just a little off about the sex part! You already know my thoughts on this subject…..who gives two toots! People shouldn’t get married because of a baby and you and Wesley definitely didn’t. Any baby born is a special gift and whether you’re married or not, circumstances might not be ideal…marriage doesn’t guarantee an ideal situation. I think moms who aren’t married are super brave and should be supported and never condemned especially by other women!

  7. I can also relate. I got pregnant before marriage as well. I was very scared at first due to the timing. I felt everyone would judge me in such a negative way since most of my adult years were spent being a role model to young girls and women. I kept thinking why me. I was on the pill when this happened so I was in total shock. Andrew and I were very much in love and had already been discussing an engagement, that made it easier on me to break the news. When I told him after work one evening, he started to laugh and looked at me and said ” let’s do this babe!” Andrew was willing to wait until after the baby arrived to get married but I really wanted to try to do things in somewhat the right order, lol. We got married as close to Valentines day as possible and I was less than 3 months, barely showing. My mom and sister were very supportive, my dad not so much. I think it took him a few years for him to get over it. I think he thought I was perfect and couldn’t make a mistake. I couldn’t get through to him that this miracle wasnt a mistake but a true gift from God! I will say it took some time for me to realize I cared more about what people thought then THEY actually did. When I was finally able to just embrace who I was and the path God had set before me I felt so free for the first time. Having my son was amazing and having my husband and family there to share it with was so special. Now I have a daughter and it took me 2 years to conceive her. Really made me go back and look at my pregnancy with my son. Why was that TOO easy and when I was actually planning a pregnancy, why was it so difficult? Really showed me that it is all in Gods timing. How therapeutic to talk about this, thanks Allison for creating this discussion.

    • You couldn’t have said it better, Lauren! And what a role model you were to people like me and Vanessa who found ourselves in similar situations…actually Vanessa’s story is even MORE like yours! I’m so happy you shared your story and found our blog today beneficial! We certainly did.

      My blog is receiving so much love today, but we still have Vanessa’s story tomorrow. Shower her with love tomorrow!!!

    • I think that’s what makes us better role models, Lauren. Dealing with adversity and not letting “society” tell us what’s right and wrong but following what is in in our hearts and just part of our life plan. Congratulations on Sweet Logan!

      Oh yea, I was on the pill, too. It’s amazing how you have to REALLLYY follow the instructions on those little things!

  8. Beautiful story/account of our wonderful/confusing/emotional time.. God knows that every situation is different, God has no mistakes!
    Our life was forever changed that Sunday afternoon, & I will always be grateful for the ‘card’s we were dealt’- how anyone can think that’s a bad or immoral thing is foolish! Like we said many times, God had a plan for us, this was happening to us for a reason- the final objective or plan God had for us I’m sure is the life and love we share today with our beautiful wed locked son!
    Great topic babe and V & remember, people who may use this term might be suffering from an abundance of Pride- which is commonly defined ‘as the excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God’ Love you darling-

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