An amazing yoga teacher/mama once told me that the “path to joyful parenting lies in lowered expectations.” Despite the personas of perfect family bliss that your friends often portray on their Facebook profiles, I’m sure every mother out there can tell you that parenting is not what she expected. That word again: expect. Interesting that so many people use that term to describe pregnancy itself: expecting. What to Expect When You’re Expecting, for one.

Well I am here to tell you that motherhood is not at all what I expected. I am not as good, as natural, or as patient at this as I thought I would be. At the same time, I love more deeply and truly than I ever thought that I could. So I guess it’s a win in the long run.

Jessica, expecting. c. Pitter Patter Photos

My first encounter with this concept of lowered expectations came with my daughter’s very arrival. Way before I watched the incredible documentary The Business of Being Born, read a single word written by Ina May Gaskin, endured twelve weeks of Bradley Natural Childbirth classes, I had been convinced I would give birth naturally. Now I am educated on the benefits (despite what the Washington Post article “The Truth About Epidurals” has to say, which just has sooo many things wrong with it) — but initially I wanted to give birth naturally because I didn’t want to miss out on this thing that women had been doing for thousands of years! I am a big traveler– I love to experience all that life has to offer– and did I mention I don’t even like to take Tylenol? Plus, my mom had given birth naturally FIVE times, which I always thought that was super badass.

Well let me just say that things did not go as I expected. About thirty or so hours after my water initially broke, and after I had been hurt by a nurse who checked my dilation after my curiosity got the better of me, and after that pain slowed my labor so much that I had to have Pitocin (which makes contractions worse), and after those contractions manifested themselves mostly in my back in a beautiful case of back labor that literally paralyzed me (there went my playbook of yoga asanas that were going to help move the baby down, yadda yadda) . . . I was literally begging for an epidural. Where did my years of conviction go?

At that point I was tag-teamed by my midwife (from the first hospital-based midwifery group in Austin, OB-Gyn North), my incredible nurse, and my incredibly patient husband who luckily talked me out of the epidural and into a small dose of Stadol instead. Stadol is an IV narcotic that they said wouldn’t affect the strength of my contractions at that point, but would help me rest in between them. Well it was AMAZING– seriously like a Trudy’s Mexican Martini. I was pretty loopy for about two hours, and still felt the full strength of each contraction, but dude, I slept in between each of them and it got me through transition. By the time it came to push, 34 hours after my water had broken, I was completely with it again, laughing and talking about ACL which was coming up the next weekend (in between pushes where, trust me, I was kind of wishing they had given me the epidural!! Kidding, it was amazing and I’m so glad I didn’t miss a bit of that experience). If I had not had the Stadol and rested when I did, I really think I would not have endured the two hours of pushing after so many hours of labor.

Love.

So looking back on it, of course I am disappointed that things did not go as planned and I did not have an entirely drug-free, natural childbirth (even if I only had the Stadol for about two of the thirty-eight hours, and even if I did all the pushing au natural). But I’m learning that a change of plans is what motherhood is all about sometimes.

 

 

c. Pitter Patter Photos

I am also concerned that the small amount of meds I did have might have been a reason for our initial problems with breastfeeding I mentioned here. But that is another part of motherhood: accepting your mistakes and moving on, and hoping you’ll do better next time. I’ll keep you posted when that time comes. 😉

So what are your thoughts on “great expectations,” mamas?

Read Allison’s Birth Story Here, Vanessa’s Birth Story Here, and Ashlee’s Birth Story Here!

 

8 COMMENTS

  1. Great job, Jessica! I’m 99% Stadol is what I had when I first got to the hospital at 4 cm dilated with no possibility of a natural child birth (breech) and it was heavenly! They gave it to me at 6:45 am and we had a baby at 7:31 am. I was totally loopy and literally couldn’t have cared less that I was having a baby, but I felt GREAT! Trudy’s Mexican martini is a great analogy… but more like 2 of them…. for me at least. I didn’t have any issues breastfeeding and I know every baby is different, but don’t beat yourself up about any problems you may have encountered. The 2 may have nothing to do with one another 🙂

    • You’re so sweet Allison! Thank you! Yeah, I know some women totally hate the Stadol– bad side effects or just don’t like being loopy– but I do enjoy a good margarita and deserved one at that point- haha! Obviously I didn’t want anything to cross the placenta but I have to just accept what happened.

  2. Awesome job, Jessica! Stadol or not you had a baby without an epidural…you’re badass just like your mama 😉 Childbirth in general is tough stuff, regardless of how baby gets here, that is why us women handle it and not the men! I bet next time you won’t need the Stadol either because your labor will be much faster.

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