Alright alright, so my counterpart wrote about the Top 8 Things You should NEVER say to a stay at home mom, so it was only FAIR for me to come back with things you shouldn’t say to a working mom. Funny thing is that I’m guilty of saying several of Allison’s Top 8 things to her and ditto with her and my list. So if you feel like this was based on Allison-Vanessa baby mama drama…you’re partially right!

Austin Moms Blog | What Never to Say to a Working Mom

It must be hard missing those special moments every day…

The first time your kid does something is just as exciting as the second, third, fourteenth and one hundred and twenty fifth (unless they’re having a fit) and I’m going to live without having seen that first roll over. Every moment I have with Caroline is special and cherished and if I fixated on seeing every one of her firsts, I’d lose sleep and my sanity. It’s a-ok.

  • I love my baby too much to leave him at day care and s/he’s just sssoo tiny.

Guess what? I love my baby, too and she’s not a giant! I love her so much that I recognize that a better place for me to be for HER sake is at my desk working away. AND…she goes to a preschool…not a daycare (big difference!) and it’s not like they’re sitting in the corner all day long staring at white walls! She has friends at preschool, colors, paints, explores, laughs, plays music, etc. with educated teachers that have far more patience with toddlers than I do and lists and lists of activities to educate her.

Did you see dateline? The one about the hidden cameras at daycare?

Yes…I’ve seen that episode of Dateline. Have you heard of Andrea Yates? Our world is full of crazy people and unfortunate situations that sometimes end poorly, but you cannot compare every experience to those you see in the media…it’s unrealistic and you’d end up living in a bubble never eating at restaurants, going to parks, putting your kid in school, driving a car, leaving your kid with a babysitter for a date night, going on an airplane for vacation, etc. etc.

Good for you (dripping with judgement) for putting your career first…good for you!

No, I’m not putting my career first…I’m putting my family first because I understand our finances and acknowledge that my strengths lie outside of the home–ask my husband…I’m domestically challenged. I value my contribution to society as a mother AND an employee.

Wow! I can’t believe your husband let you go back to work…how will you keep up the house?

Newsflash! I know Mad Men confuses people but it’s 2012 {2014 now!} and my husband didn’t let me do anything. The week we met I told him I would never be a stay at home mom, it’s not in my DNA and when little Caroline came around, there wasn’t a discussion…I was going back to work. It fulfills me and there is nothing wrong (at least last I checked) with both a man and a woman working. Oh and about that housework…we both work…so we can afford a maid! Have fun sweeping…

At least you’re prepared if your husband ever leaves you?

Soo many things wrong with this! FIRST of all…I’m prepared to ever leave my husband (ha!) and we’re also more comfortable with two incomes. I think the statement is just insulting as a whole…I don’t work for a safety net, I work for so much more. I think it’s ridiculous to assume that a mother can only feel fulfilled by staying at home with their children.

So you’re saying you work so you can afford to have luxuries?

I’ve only heard this once or twice because it never fails…any time I try to justify why I work I always say something snobby like “I like my expensive shoes, manicures, pedicures, etc.” That’s not the ONLY reason I work, but it’s a perk. I have a lot of friends who stay at home and it causes a strain on their finances. That’s their choice and I respect them for it, but I don’t want to have to check the balance in my bank account if: I need my feet rubbed, want to treat my friend to lunch, enjoy a 60 minute massage, to go on a little shopping spree or upgrade to a luxury vehicle in my twenties, etc. I like my lifestyle and it wouldn’t be what it is without my piece of the pie.

“The reality of being a stay at home mom for me is that my kids aren’t raised in a baby factory by someone who makes $7 an hour. No one can mother your children like you do. As far as socialization, I would much rather choose the positive influences for my children then throw them amongst a slew of snotty nosed bad mannered kids whose parents drop them off to learn to “socialize.” that is where bad habits and selfishness begin.”

This was pulled from last week’s blog’s comment section. Ouch. You’re insulting quite a few people in this little bit. I’ll start by addressing things from my perspective. Preschools are NOT baby factories. In fact, that’s hilarious. Are you saying that schools are child factories? Maybe you are and maybe you’ll home school…what do I know…BUT speaking for mothers who choose to put their child in a preschool, we are simply starting the introduction to the education environment process early. Regarding the pay of said preschool employee, that may be true at some facilities, however, it’s not fair to make a blanket statement as such. I have personally enrolled my daughter at The Goddard School because they only employee Degreed individuals. In fact, her teacher has a Masters. Additionally, as a mother, I’m sure you know that children mimic and who do they mimic…adults. Children learn bad manners from adults, they do not learn bad manners from children. As adults and parents, it is our responsibility to discipline our children and teach them what is appropriate behavior and what is not and the expectation that keeping them out of preschool will avoid them being jerks later in life…is well…ignorant. I’m not even going to address the snotty nose comment because there are germs everywhere.

Sooo there you have it. **Steps off soap box** Things you shouldn’t say to working moms like me!




  1. Great timing V!  This week Time Magazine published a cover story titled “The Richer $ex”- Women are Overtaking Men as America’s Breadwinner.  In a recent study it was found women are on a trajectory to make more money than men and become the breadwinner of the family in the next decade.  Very interesting that young women like yourself (or me), are changing the face of American financial society.  Apart from being a working mom, you are part of a large force of strong, educated, fully capable women who can out-earn (men) and provide for their families AND be a great mom too! It’s simply a trend that cannot be avoided or stopped. Women are just that good – we can have it all.,9171,2109140,00.html?pcd=pw-op

    Additionally, another recent study confirmed that men are NOT intimidated by high-earning women/female breadwinners, in fact they LOVE it. According to a Univeristy of Texas study, men are more attracted to high-earning women (a new trend since 2001).  There is a “striking rise” on the importance men gave to women’s earnings and a sharp drop in
    the value they place on domestic skills.  So don’t worry V, my guess is Chris and Matt love that we’ve got jobs instead of burning down the house (grease fires are awful for those of us who are domestically challenged)…..  Read more:

    I may not be a mom yet, but I do support your decision to work and applaude all the working moms out there that are in large part changing the face of American society.  I find encouragement that working moms get through every day, and not just that they also rise above – it makes me feel comfortable to do it too!

  2. I agree on the preschool part. If you can afford it, its much better than daycare! Gavin goes to the carrington academy. Every one who works there has a teaching degree. He comes home full of information everyday! I have a friend (teacher) who works there and trust me, she makes really good money! when I was a stay at home mom with gavin, he wasnt getting the education he gets today. Even if I was a stay at home mom now, I would work weekends or do something if I had to in order to keep him in school at least part time. It totally makes a difference!

  3. Also wanted to add. When I stayed home, my hubby never helped with chores. Now that we both work, he is so helpful! He does the dishes everyday and helps with laundry, vacuuming and bed making! He even picks and drops gavin off from school 3 days a week. So with working and all, it helps to share in the parenting and chores.

  4. The one I can’t stand is “well, you and (husband) chose to have them.” That’s the one my caretakers (who are family)like to throw in our faces every time there’s a disagreement & I definitely agree with the money comment, no, it isn’t about luxeries it’s about providing for our children. Yes, we had a little choice in there but God gave us our children. I often feel guilty about leaving my children to work as a night shift nurse, my husband also works nights Saying things like this definitely doesn’t help.

  5. Andrea Yates!?! hahhahah that was hilarious.

    This was spot on. Doesn’t matter if you work or stay at home, either way we are all doing a fantastic job!


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