Alright alright, so my counterpart wrote about the Top 8 Things You should NEVER say to a stay at home mom, so it was only FAIR for me to come back with things you shouldn’t say to a working mom. Funny thing is that I’m guilty of saying several of Allison’s Top 8 things to her and ditto with her and my list. So if you feel like this was based on Allison-Vanessa baby mama drama…you’re partially right!

Austin Moms Blog | What Never to Say to a Working Mom

It must be hard missing those special moments every day…

The first time your kid does something is just as exciting as the second, third, fourteenth and one hundred and twenty fifth (unless they’re having a fit) and I’m going to live without having seen that first roll over. Every moment I have with Caroline is special and cherished and if I fixated on seeing every one of her firsts, I’d lose sleep and my sanity. It’s a-ok.

  • I love my baby too much to leave him at day care and s/he’s just sssoo tiny.

Guess what? I love my baby, too and she’s not a giant! I love her so much that I recognize that a better place for me to be for HER sake is at my desk working away. AND…she goes to a preschool…not a daycare (big difference!) and it’s not like they’re sitting in the corner all day long staring at white walls! She has friends at preschool, colors, paints, explores, laughs, plays music, etc. with educated teachers that have far more patience with toddlers than I do and lists and lists of activities to educate her.

Did you see dateline? The one about the hidden cameras at daycare?

Yes…I’ve seen that episode of Dateline. Have you heard of Andrea Yates? Our world is full of crazy people and unfortunate situations that sometimes end poorly, but you cannot compare every experience to those you see in the media…it’s unrealistic and you’d end up living in a bubble never eating at restaurants, going to parks, putting your kid in school, driving a car, leaving your kid with a babysitter for a date night, going on an airplane for vacation, etc. etc.

Good for you (dripping with judgement) for putting your career first…good for you!

No, I’m not putting my career first…I’m putting my family first because I understand our finances and acknowledge that my strengths lie outside of the home–ask my husband…I’m domestically challenged. I value my contribution to society as a mother AND an employee.

Wow! I can’t believe your husband let you go back to work…how will you keep up the house?

Newsflash! I know Mad Men confuses people but it’s 2012 {2014 now!} and my husband didn’t let me do anything. The week we met I told him I would never be a stay at home mom, it’s not in my DNA and when little Caroline came around, there wasn’t a discussion…I was going back to work. It fulfills me and there is nothing wrong (at least last I checked) with both a man and a woman working. Oh and about that housework…we both work…so we can afford a maid! Have fun sweeping…

At least you’re prepared if your husband ever leaves you?

Soo many things wrong with this! FIRST of all…I’m prepared to ever leave my husband (ha!) and we’re also more comfortable with two incomes. I think the statement is just insulting as a whole…I don’t work for a safety net, I work for so much more. I think it’s ridiculous to assume that a mother can only feel fulfilled by staying at home with their children.

So you’re saying you work so you can afford to have luxuries?

I’ve only heard this once or twice because it never fails…any time I try to justify why I work I always say something snobby like “I like my expensive shoes, manicures, pedicures, etc.” That’s not the ONLY reason I work, but it’s a perk. I have a lot of friends who stay at home and it causes a strain on their finances. That’s their choice and I respect them for it, but I don’t want to have to check the balance in my bank account if: I need my feet rubbed, want to treat my friend to lunch, enjoy a 60 minute massage, to go on a little shopping spree or upgrade to a luxury vehicle in my twenties, etc. I like my lifestyle and it wouldn’t be what it is without my piece of the pie.

“The reality of being a stay at home mom for me is that my kids aren’t raised in a baby factory by someone who makes $7 an hour. No one can mother your children like you do. As far as socialization, I would much rather choose the positive influences for my children then throw them amongst a slew of snotty nosed bad mannered kids whose parents drop them off to learn to “socialize.” that is where bad habits and selfishness begin.”

This was pulled from last week’s blog’s comment section. Ouch. You’re insulting quite a few people in this little bit. I’ll start by addressing things from my perspective. Preschools are NOT baby factories. In fact, that’s hilarious. Are you saying that schools are child factories? Maybe you are and maybe you’ll home school…what do I know…BUT speaking for mothers who choose to put their child in a preschool, we are simply starting the introduction to the education environment process early. Regarding the pay of said preschool employee, that may be true at some facilities, however, it’s not fair to make a blanket statement as such. I have personally enrolled my daughter at The Goddard School because they only employee Degreed individuals. In fact, her teacher has a Masters. Additionally, as a mother, I’m sure you know that children mimic and who do they mimic…adults. Children learn bad manners from adults, they do not learn bad manners from children. As adults and parents, it is our responsibility to discipline our children and teach them what is appropriate behavior and what is not and the expectation that keeping them out of preschool will avoid them being jerks later in life…is well…ignorant. I’m not even going to address the snotty nose comment because there are germs everywhere.

Sooo there you have it. **Steps off soap box** Things you shouldn’t say to working moms like me!




  1. “Have fun sweeping.” Stop it!!! Seriously! Going back to work if ONLY for a maid seems totally worth it right about now. Great post. I’ve been guilty of some of these thoughts, so it’s great to hear the other side. Being a “mom” conjures up a stereotype that does not acknowledge our unique personalities/values/ skill sets.

  2. So I’m a stay at home mom and I really appreciate your honesty and as for that last one: I’ve met plenty of children whose mothers (stay home) cater to them night and day and chose their playmates and those kids are the worst in the bunch!!! Also its your job to teach your children how to behave around lots of other influences so “sheltering them” seems very silly, they gotta learn. 😀 Phew, I’m done. 😀 

  3. Thank you for posting this Vanessa.  I’m a working mom as well, and I have gotten many of the comments above.  The comments have made me question my self and made me feel like I’m a bad mom for wanting to work.  I also know that I am the only one that can decide what is best for my son and me.  I think it is a wonderful thing for a mother to be able to stay at home with their children.  I on the other hand have a career that I have worked very hard to earn.  I just turned 30 and I have managed to get everything I have been longing for so many years.  I have a wonderful husband, an awesome little boy, AND a career (gasp).  My husband and I raise our son, not the sitter.  I cook a home made dinner every night for my family, AND manage to keep our house clean (with tons of help from my husband).  Every second with our son is precious and full of love, play, and affection.   I chose a stay at home mom to watch my son during the day.  I carefully selected her because her ideals of raising children are very similar to mine and her daughter is around my son’s age, giving him “socialization.”  She is an extension of me during the day.  I asked her not to tell me if he takes his first steps at her home because if he does it there, he will do it at home as well.  I get to see and enjoy all his “firsts” too.   Life is super busy, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  4. Great post Vanessa!!! I think it is wonderful when a mom can be honest with herself about what she wants and what is better for her family rather than doing what society thinks she should be doing. Your daughter will benefit so much from your strength and confidence! As for the comment “At least you are prepared if your husband ever leaves you”….I may have slapped someone! Allison could have included this on hers in the reversed sense…I have heard “Oh where will you work if your husband leaves you being out of a career for so long and having a baby in college” {insert me visioning slapping said person!}.
     Love your post!

  5. Charlotte has been going to daycare twice a week for two months and she has already caught two colds. I think there might be some validity to the snotty nose kiddos! Great post from you and Allison. I never ever thought I would be a stay at home mom but things for me changed when Charlotte came along. But staying home is not a permanent thing for me and I just feel blessed to have the option. I think people need to remember that we are all doing our best no matter what direction we chose.

  6. Vanessa, thank you for this post! As a working mom, I often feel judged by other moms. Even working part time! I’ve found that some people pity women who HAVE to work, and straight up judge women who simply choose to work. I’m like you, we could live on my husband’s salary and be much tighter, but just fine. But I love my job and I’m fufilled by it. Yes, I love my child more, but why on earth should it be one or the other? And I’m sorry, my daughter is 18 months old and goes to school 2 times a week. She is not snot-nosed, nor is the school a “baby factory”, whatever that is. Usually when women are so horribly harsh to other women, it’s because they somehow feel uncomfortable with their own choices. Those are the women I pity!

  7. Sorry, one more. Any comment about “letting other people raise my children” makes me want to start hitting. Hard. Especially when it implies that I do not love my child thus dumping the job of raising her onto other people. This is sanctimonious nonsense, and it makes the person hearing it CRAZY.

  8. It honestly boggles my mind that people make such horrible comments to other people. Us women need to stick together, whether we stay at home or ship our children off to “baby factories”! Haha! Just kidding! I always thought I would be a career mom but God had a different plan for me. Some days I love having the flexibility of a SAHM but many others, I wish I was a working mama. You know, the grass is always greener… Next time, someone makes some thoughtless, judgemental comment, just smile and give them the bird. Ok, don’t do that! That would be the one thing your child chooses to imitate that day! Just remember that to each’s own and you are hopefully just doing the best you can!

  9. Vanessa:  as usual, you are right on.  I too am “domestically challenged”.  Every person has a right to choose what they think is best for them and I am meant to be a working mom.  Also, as we raise our daughters, i think it is a great influence to show them and teach them how to be be strong, smart and independent but to also be the compassionate mother of the family.  Great job.


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