When you’re the first of your friends to get pregnant, it’s hard NOT to worry about that future of those friendships. No matter how you slice it, parenting and friendships do not always mix.  You could be the only one with a baby, you could have some strange parenting style that your friends don’t agree with, you could have the worlds most annoying baby that your friends don’t want to be around and those are just three things I thought of off the cuff.  Alternatively, you may have friends that are becoming moms around you that opens the doors to strong(er) bonds.

Here are some little blurbs about how your parenting has changed friendships (for the good and the bad) for your blogging team.

Being a Parent Strengthened Some of My Friend-Bonds by Vanessa

Lincoln and Caroline are friends, too!

When Matt and I discovered we were pregnant, I was the first of my close circle of friends to join the mommy club. I was immediately concerned that my personal life would go down the drain and I’d end up with a soccer-mom-bob and a minivan in no time.  Well, around the time we learned about our bun in the oven, Allison did too and that resulted in our friendship growing stronger.  We would chat for hours about our growing bellies and pregnancy symptoms and as parents, those daily chats have not disappeared.  Also, when I was five months pregnant, another dear friend of mine, Lacy, learned she and her hubby were expecting a little bundle which took our friendship to the next level as well. There is something special about growing as women and mothers together that takes an already solid friendship to new heights. Alternatively, I have lost friends along my mommy journey.  One particular friend did not like that I conceived outside of marriage (even though she wasn’t a saint and by saint I meant virgin) and that was the end of our friendship.  BUT at the end of the day, I have people in my life that love me independent of my unexpected bundle and will love me when I have another one and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Parenting is the new Sorority Sisters by Jessica.

Two J’s and their Kids!

In college, I was in a sorority. Coming from different backgrounds and with different interests, we nonetheless thought we were “sisters” after going through pledging together. Well let me tell you that there is no better hazing pledging experience than carrying a child and giving birth. It is a life-altering experience that only other mothers can understand (and for the moms who adopt, you have made a life-altering decision for the betterment of a child . . . and you spend nights getting thrown up on and changing wet sheets, so I’m definitely counting you!). Becoming a mother has changed my friendships because it has opened so many new doors– where, although we may not have anything else in common or might not get along in the long run, I can form an instant connection with another woman because we are taking this same wild ride. I guess that’s why some childless friends of mine are surprised by what I “put out there” on the blog– I’m writing to the sorority of mamas who are facing the same struggles I am and with whom i feel an invisible kinship. And if we can help each other along in just some little way then it will have been worth it.

Friendships for Life…literally by Ashlee

My first pregnancy was not planned, but I knew all of my closest friends would be very excited and supportive. I did have one friend that I was scared to tell because she had just suffered a miscarriage and she and her husband were trying again. I couldn’t keep my secret any longer and when I called to tell her about my news she beat me to it and said that she was preggo again…Whew! Our due dates were only 3 days apart and it was so great to have a best friend to share that experience with. We each have three babies almost the same ages and we spent countless days together just camped out at each others houses. We were almost inseparable and our kids were each others first friends so pregnancy and babies definitely brought us closer together and I wouldn’t change anything in the world for it.

Now that most of my other friends are having babies those friendships are being strengthened in a different way and I am loving it. I have solid and amazing relationships with my 4 best friends from K-12th grade, but there is something about becoming a mother that binds us women. Motherhood is a journey that needs friends along the way. We need those special women in our lives to listen to each other vent, laugh at funny stuff our kids say and do, lend a shoulder for crying, chat on the phone while hiding in the pantry eating chocolate {yes I am guilty on many occasions – don’t judge}, encourage & reassure one another, and convince each other that we have not lost our minds…completely

Thelma and Louise until the End by Allison

Lincoln meeting my BFFs

I have several friends that when I think of our friendship I think Thelma and Louise…drinking margaritas together, killing for them {with due cause, of course}, road tripping together, and possibly even driving off a cliff in the sunset together!

It’s funny how having a kid can change all of that!!! Some of those “Thelma’s”, because I see myself as a “Louise” independent and head strong, have become distant in my post baby life. I guess when you become a mom {or a parent really} your priorities change and people you thought you had meaningful relationships with sadly become strained.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty lucky in that my core friendships have remained strong and in some cases {Vanessa} even stronger! I think the most challenging thing about balancing friendships and parenthood especially when you’re both moms is making sure you don’t offend {insert friend} with your beliefs on parenting, which in my case is typically vastly different than {insert friend}. Neither of us are bad moms…just different. And sometimes those differences can create a wedge in the friendship, but I’ve learned to tune those friend’s parenting style completely out so not to ruin the years of glorious Thelma and Louise moments.

:: Have your friendships changed post-baby? ::

6 COMMENTS

  1. What a cute idea, Vanessa! I loved reading everyone’s thoughts on how becoming moms has A-ffected their friendships. I meant to add in there that becoming a mom made me realize who the important friendships really are… I just don’t have time for insignificant friendships in my life post-baby.

    •  Thanks for pointing out my grammar flaws B-itch.  Just kidding!  So true…there is hardly time to cultivate the important relationships much less the less significant ones.

  2. I love this! I have a friend quota now that I have a child. Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting people, that’s part of my job, and I value those “acquaintance” relationships. But when you have a child and your priorities (and life in general) shift, the relationships that come out on top (and survive the “Sorry to cancel last minute, baby isn’t feeling well and I can’t stand to part with him”) are the most important. I’m not willing to give time to the relationships and people that can’t understand that. The amount of “free” time that I have has decreased drastically and is spread out by the most important relationships in my life, those true friends!

    • One of my BFF’s told me yesterday she read an article that says we only have the mental capacity to have 5 meaningful relationships in our lives… I’m definitely over that number, but it makes sense! It’s hard to spread the love when you have someone in your life that means significantly more than everyone else!

    • Haha, thanks! I HATED them althought they had grown out by this point… I told the guy I wanted Jessica Alba bangs and he cut them crooked and blunt! I had to go to a new stylist for her to fix them… and then I found out I was pregnant a week later. So I was gaining weight and had a BAD haircut! The worst!

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