Good things come in threes – except for those three oldest Kardashian sisters and
their evil conspiracy (or “Konspiracy”) – right? So goes the cliche, and so it has been
for me with parenthood too.

Oh, sure – the magical stuff, like how we love our children more than we ever
dreamed possible, turns out to be true. My smooshy, adorable ball of toddler love,
who I call Master P (as in, “Grand Master P” – since any child of mine is destined for
hip-hop mogul status), is just as wonderful as I’d hoped. Unicorns and rainbows and
all that, blah blah blah.

I’d also anticipated some of the excruciatingly dumb things people say to stay-at-
home moms, as well as the difficulty in reaching the decision to stay home.

There were, however, a number of things that completely took me by surprise as I
settled in to this stay at home mom thing – three things in particular I wish I would
have known ahead of time as I considered parenting & stay-at-home-parenting
especially:

You Are Your Own Boss

Did you know this parenting job doesn’t come with an owner’s manual? Believe me,
I was just as surprised as you.

This one applies to all parents, of course; it’s just that those of us staying at home
are our own bosses 24/7 in an in-your-face sort of way. There is no one telling us
whether we ought to get Baby’s sniffly nose checked out, or how on Earth we’re
supposed to cook dinner when Baby refuses to be put down, how we’re supposed to
know what to do with a newborn, or how to do . . . anything, really. The buck (bottle?
) stops here, so to speak, even when our only solution is “I have no idea. I waive the
white Pampers of defeat. HELP!”

Happily, for those of us who are better suited to running our own show- ie, any
fellow control-freak, bossypants-from-birth sorts – you eventually get the hang of
this. Not that I have any more of the parenting answers after nearly 2 years on the
job, but I’m better at acting like I do.

You Must Leave Your Home, Alone

Like most houseplants, in order to thrive I require frequent watering and being
planted on the couch. I was so surprised to find, then, that once “stay at home”
became part of my official job title, the last thing Master P & I wanted to do some
days was just that.

I instituted a “Leave the house at least once per day, unless one of us is sick” rule
or “LTHALOPDUOOUIS Rule” and have been much happier since. Whether we’re
leaving for swim class or a completely unnecessary stroll through Target, we get out.
Sometimes the boy, or I, or the boy and I need time outside of the house to be happy
in it.

It helps to leave the house alone occasionally too – before you go calling CPS, let me
add that I mean decamping while someone else watches your wee precious angel.
Turns out our Secretary of State was right – it does take a village, and you cannot do
all of the child-rearing by yourself. Well, you can, of course, but at the price of your
manicure and your sanity.

I felt ten sorts of guilty about craving some alone time post-baby – that is, until I
learned that many of my friends had signed up for these “parents day out” programs
no one had bothered to tell me about. And were regularly using sitters to get a date
night in when budget & time allowed. Mama here now gets regularly scheduled
breaks, and we’re all the better for it; I love being at home, but turns out I need my
time too.

Time, or Lack Thereof

When I envisioned life as a stay-at-home mom, I knew there would be grueling newborn nights up with my sweet angel baby; however, I figured I’d also have
plenty of time to catch up on my own household chores as well as stuff I’d actually
been wanting to do, like beefing up my exercise and volunteer schedules. I mean,
wouldn’t there be plenty of time every day when Baby regularly napped, in his crib,
to maintain a perfectly clean, happy home and pursue all sorts of things?

(HA. AHAHAHAHA. Yes, I can hear you veteran parents laughing now.)

And then I had an actual, colicky baby, one of those un-put-downable (I’ve
trademarked that as a word) sorts who only slept when held. Who grew into an
infant who detested his (exhaustively researched, expensively priced) jogging
stroller and the gym day care with equal vigor. Who took a good seven or eight
months to get a vaguely reliable nap schedule together, just in time for me to find
my old volunteer commitments didn’t work with my new stay-at-home reality.

Of course, all of us parents have far less time now than before, stay at home or
otherwise. I’ve significantly scaled back that volunteering, my exercise schedule is
less a “schedule” and more “an occasional glance in the direction of the gym” – though I now count an afternoon chasing your child around a playground, coaxing him away from certain death on the “big kids” slide to be a workout. I’ve figured out ways to
triage the housecleaning while giving up the Martha Stewart expectations.

This new normal? It isn’t what I’d expected, but it’s better in many ways. I’ve been
able to get more active in our church via volunteering that does accommodate my
new mom hours. There will be more time some day, and I wouldn’t trade it
for what I have now.

What things have surprised you most about motherhood?