I had planned on writing a blog about food aversions for today. I was one paragraph in with all my woes regarding feeding a 20 month old, but Wesley and I had a date night last night with some of our favorite neighbors, (C & T, for short). Well two gigantic margaritas later and a belly full of enchiladas and queso and I changed my mind about today’s post… my cool neighbors gave me inspiration!
So do any of you parents out there have neighbors/friends without kids? You know the kind of neighbors/friends that live care free lives, ready to party until wee hours of the night, no inhibitions, pack up and go on vacation at the drop of a hat, eat at fancy restaurants on a whim, throw parties with their other childless friends, and take naps whenever they darn well please kind of friends/neighbors? Or best yet the kind of friend/neighbor that recommends you bring your 20 month old walking, talking, tantrum throwing, food spitting, antique breaking, dog tail pulling, blood curdling screaming, cloth diaper wearing child to their completely non-child friendly house party? Well, this is our world! We love our neighbors AND friends, but they JUST DON’T GET IT!!! At the end of the day, I don’t expect them to… I mean some of our favorite neighbors and friends don’t have children of their own and I imagine that they look at children as accessories. Heck, I did too up until Lincoln started wiggling to get out my arms pulling my tank top down beyond my bra in public. Then he became my “kid”.
So I’ve compiled a list of ways to make your non-child friends/neighbors think you’re cool so you’re still invited to the fun neighborhood/friend parties.
1. Say “yes” at least 1 out of 3-4 times.
Just remember, if you’re those parents that are constantly saying “you can’t do this” or “you can’t do that” because of your kiddo, chances are the other fun and non-kid neighbors/friends will stop inviting you. They don’t understand, they don’t get it, and they will just look at you like you’re completely lame. I think the magic ratio is attending a neighborhood party/friend festivity at least 1 out of every 3-4 times of being asked.
2. Always roll your eyes and blame the “kid”.
Let your child take one for the team—it’s the ONLY time they will… no normal neighbor or friend will hold a grudge against a child that has a ritual bed time of 7 pm. Make your neighbors/friends BELIEVE you’re really cool and would love to party until 2 am, but because of that darn kiddo, you JUST can’t!!!
3. Talk about the good ole days when you were kid-less.
This is my favorite. Convince your kid-less neighbors/friends of how cool you are/were by telling them about stories of your days as a drunken college student… or about how wild you were pre-parenthood. Nothing makes you cooler than reminiscing on the old school days to “convince” your neighbors and friends you really do know how to have a “good” time.
Exhibit B. The End of the Good Ole Days... I was Pregnant here
4. Be able to bring something to the party–In our case, it’s a “mean” margarita.
Don’t ever show up to a party empty handed. Nothing makes you less cool than being the boring, lame, rarely showing up moochers. Our go-to “bring something” item is Wesley’s
famous not-so-famous store bought Randall’s margarita mix.
So this is an old photo and not margarita mix… but hopefully you catch my drift. And yes, this is the same night as Exhibit A, just earlier in the evening.
5. Have non-kid related conversations.
Please dear Lord, don’t be the parent that can’t talk about anything except your kid. No SANE non-kid neighbor/friend wants to hear about your child’s vitamins, teething, food aversions, tantrums, and milestones. This next part is VERY important—Your neighbor may ask, but remember, they are simply trying to be nice and by no means intend for you to go off on a 10-15 minute tangent regarding this subject matter… so keep it simple and to the point and get back to talking about #3 (the good ole days when you were kid-less).
6. In extreme desperation, have an OCCASIONAL party of your own and invite all the non-kid neighbors.
In an effort to be labeled as the “Oh have you met Wesley and Allison, the cool and fun couple with the amazing and adorable little toddler down the street”, make sure you have your non-kid neighbors (this really only pertains to neighbors and not so much friends) over from time to time. Don’t forget to pick up the plastic lawnmowers designed for your tot, random bouncy balls, and water toys; NO non-kid neighbor REALLY wants to be reminded that you have a kiddo sleeping 30 feet away inside the house…it makes them feel guilty for getting too loud and taking excessive amounts of shots as they stumble back to their house 2 doors down.
7. Be current.
You DO NOT want to be labeled as the stay at home mom that nobody sees outside of their sweats and rollers. You don’t want to be the mom where when you do attend a neighborhood or social function everyone keeps saying “oh you’re wearing makeup today… you look so nice”. Us parents are still hip, fun, cool, and know how to have a good time… we just have to remember to “look” the part. 🙂 Unfortunately for me last night, I was a big epic fail in the makeup department when I got the “oh, you’re wearing makeup today” line. Awesome, C!!! You’ll never see me without my “face” again! Thanks T for lying when you said “she’s always wearing makeup”, lol!
So there’s my list of ways to stay cool with the non-kid neighbors/friends (should you be in our predicament and be blessed with the coolest of cool non-kid neighbors/friends). We love our neighbors/friends and wouldn’t trade any of them for the world, but they only love us back because we do our best to follow the above 7 rules.
How do you maintain your “COOL” factor?
I don’t maintain my cool factor. If it wasn’t for you I would have been voted off Austin’s island for not owning Kendra Scott!
What if you are the non cool childless couple around all neighbors and friends who have kids!