I don’t know a single person that LOVES talking about finances and budgets. Whether with their spouse, friends, or parents most people probably have elevated blood pressure when talking about money. I know for me, I get antsy, annoyed, exasperated, bored, and really just need to have a glass of good wine (not the box kind) just to get me through the conversation.
Since Vanessa and I are super close, we talk about everything under the sun… nothing is off limits and money has its way of meandering into our conversations from time to time. Now this is going to seem way off topic, but I promise it ties into what I’m saying… I’m a huge fan of Mad Men! It’s been slightly boring this season, but that’s another story. I love Mad Men for multiple reasons, but one is the old fashion sense of the show. Now by no means do I want to be EXPECTED to go to bed after my husband and wake up prior to him just so he doesn’t have to see me makeup-less or be required to wear a dress of a nightgown to bed; however, I do love how in the show the men are in control of the big stuff, i.e. finances and work and the women are in control of the equally big stuff, the house and the children. Yes, I am extremely old fashion in that sense. I don’t ever want to touch a lawnmower or the garbage and I don’t want my husband in “MY” kitchen or holding a can of Pledge!
So going back to finances and Vanessa; since we do talk candidly and hang out weekly she has come to notice some things about the Mack’s finances and that is that I don’t have access to our main bank account where the majority of our money is located. 99.9% of the time I have very limited money in my account. {***After my husband read this blog he wanted me to add a disclaimer—I never know how much money is in my account, because I don’t use the I-Phone application to check my balance. Yes it’s true, which adds to the fact that I completely rely on my husband when it comes to finances.***} I have to call my husband if I’m going out to eat with friends, going to the grocery store, or buying a wedding/baby shower gift and have to ask him to transfer money into my bank account. And yes, he’s occasionally {just once} forgotten to make that transfer and my credit card was declined…talk about embarrassing and Wesley getting the wrath when I got home! After the occasion of my card being declined and another time we were in the car when I made my “call to Wesley for money”, Vanessa asked me, “doesn’t that bother you that you have no control over your money {it was something to that affect}? I mean it’s your money too…” Vanessa is a working girl and even if she weren’t a working girl she is still fiscally different than me and extremely independent. While I’m independent in my own right and a working girl in the home, I know my weakness’ in life and unfortunately a few of them are finances, money, and budget! I’m completely and utterly fiscally irresponsible!!! For example, if I know that I have “x” dollars in my bank account at my disposal I have zero problems going overboard… A little shopping here, extra groceries there, a stop at Starbucks, maybe a bite to eat, throw in a new DIY project from Pinterest and a shopping excursion to Hobby Lobby and I could easily spend all available dollars in my account. If I have a specific dollar amount in my account and a mission for the day I can tell Wesley exactly what I’m spending money on and how much I need and at the end of the day, there’s no money or budget “talk” between us, he’s not surprised, I’m not having to return things, and everyone is happy.
I know many marriages where the stay at home mom handles the finances, the working mom handles the finances, and vice avers. Wesley and I know what works for us and by no means is he trying to stifle me in life with monetary things, but I just have to plan for it, ask for it, and make sure it’s in the “budget”. At the end of the day I VERY RARELY don’t get what I want or go without so really it’s a win/win. I don’t have the burden of a budget on my hands and I still get the “things” in life that my family needs as well as the things I just have to have {insert, Kendra Scott and Nordstrom}!
***A second disclaimer my husband wanted me to add: I basically have an unlimited prepaid debit card… clearly someone has a complex about today’s topic :)***
So what kind of mom are you? Are you a single mom doing it all and paying it all, a working mom giving the reins to your hubs, a stay at home mom whose husband never sees his paycheck and relies on you to handle the finances, or like me with zero dollars in your bank account having to ask for money? Call me old fashion, but that’s how I like it!
I think that it is amazing I have been taking care of the budget and the money in my family for the last almost 10 years and my husband calls to see if he can buy somthing sometimes people think that it is weird but we have an understanding we are 28 and 31 and have no debt have a college fund for our kids, a retirement and live off of his disablity pay from the army from injuried sustain in an IED attack he can not handle basic money so I do it we work as a team and help each other out. I know his weaknesses and he knows mine. It does not make your family weird or you less of a modern woman because you husband handles the money it just makes you smart to know you weakness good for you and good for your husband.
I love this post because my husband and I were just discussing this last night. I 100% alone control all of our finances. He says as long as his debit card works, he doesn’t care what I do, so the burden is on me to reign us in when we need to buckle down and save. That being said, he doesn’t even know our bank account number or how to go about paying any of our bills which could be scary, but he doesn’t care. He said as long as I leave a spreadsheet with all of that information in case anything happens to me, he’ll cross that bridge if he has to. I love how different families can be but still manage just perfectly!
I think it just depends on what your family situation is of course. Through the blog I was like, well why doesn’t she just check it herself or keep track of what’s in her account. And then you explained that you have tendency to go overboard so this totally works for yall!
For me since my husband is gone most of the time working 6 hours away for 12-20 hours a day all of the finacial responsibility in our home falls on me. In fact, I do pretty much everything for our family aside from working a job I get paid for, Hubs does that. Even when my husband was home on a regular basis way back when (it’s been 17 months!) I was in charge of the money. He isn’t very good with budget or keeping track of his spending and does things like swipes his debit for a friggin 1.97 or some shit and that drives me nuts and is a pain to balance all those little transactions! Take some cash out dude!
Anyhoo, for our family Mama is in charge of that stuff. Sometimes I wish I could Mad Men it up! I don’t really enjoy it but, I’m good at it (mostly) and it’s my job since Poppa bear is gone. Shawn actually calls me “babe can I get ___ tools it’s this much” etc. He is a diesel mechanic btw and works out in the oil fields.
Thanks for sharing Allison!
My husband and I manage our own money, and I handle the bills. We both work, have separate checking and savings accounts. When we were married, we opened a joint “family” account. I have averaged the bills, groceries, and entertainment plus maybe a few extra bucks to build the account. I take that number, divide it in two, then ask my husband to transfer that portion to the family account each month. Whatever is left from our paychecks is up to each of us to save a little and spend a little on our own personal stuff. When we are together as a family, everything we do comes out of our family account, and if I want to go shopping for me, it comes out of my account. This arrangement works for us because we make roughly the same amount of money, and if I want something I will get it because I know what is available to me.
Aneesa and I both work and make roughly the same amount. We have everything go into a joint account and we don’t really need to have a budget discussion very often. I am responsible for paying and monitoring the bills and credit card though. I would say Aneesa generally has no idea how much or how little is in our accounts, and she doesn’t care to. If we are considering major purchases or vacations then we talk about it before buying. If I notice we are living beyond our means then I’ll just say something like “we should take it easy for a couple weeks” and that’s all the discussion we need to have. Aneesa is quite honestly much more frugal then me which I think has a lot to do with how we were brought up. I was the youngest/spoiled, she was the oldest/strict. It took a little adjusting to when we got married but it’s rarely a concern for us now.
whatever system keeps both people happy is all that matters.
I handle everything. Always have, always will. I make sure things are paid on time (for our business and home). The funny thing is, I am the frugal one so I need to make sure the hubby doesn’t buy a ton of toys he doesn’t need at Academy! I follow the plan my folks had, dad goes to work, runs the business, brings in the money, mom takes care of the baby(ies), all appts for baby/dogs, grocery shopping, make breakfast/dinner, pack lunch for hubby for the day, clean the home, laundry, pay all home and business bills….etc. All I expect is for my honey to work and come home to a hot meal and spend time with his daughter & I at night. I don’t want him to spend time worrying about business bills, especially since I have a degree in business. I understand the paperwork side of things. I worked in Advertising for 6 years, so I know how to run taxes, manage acct/invoices, and the day to day activities necessary to keep the business in line. Ijust recently became a FT mommy and I couldn’t be happier. I do miss my job at times, but raising my daughter is so much more rewarding.
Gawd! Vanessa is sooooo judgmental 🙂 Sorry, friend. I’m just a feminist and have a major “I don’t need a man” attitude (even though I love my hubby) and think women should rule the world and run the $$$!!
whatever works for you is what is important; however, I personally would not be able to function without knowing what was in our account on a minute by minute basis!!. I am not genetically made up that way….
I wouldn’t say ‘complex’ — more like whenever you ask for something, the money magically appears on your card— or like half the time you just ask for the cc— it works for us. Great blog babe!
You have a wonderful husband that loves you!