“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis
I have written before that a Mother’s love is both her greatest blessing and her biggest curse, and that thought becomes glaringly obvious to me as I finalize packing up our home and preparing for the move to Boston (if you caught my blog about putting your house on the market with kiddos around then you might be interested to know our house has already sold). 🙁
As I now dig more deeply into the nooks and crannies we have stuffed with things over our years here, I uncover the woman I was before I became a mother, a woman I sometimes feel I barely remember. And she was pretty cool. With every old academic paper I find, I am reminded that she had interesting things to say and write about literature (okay, maybe this is cool only in my head). With every love note, I remember how she was head over heels in love with her new husband (that hasn’t changed too much, but maybe she just had more time to express it then). With every Euro found in old purses, and that entire drawer stuffed with luggage tags, passports, converters, etc., I recall how she would drop everything and hop on a plane every time she had the chance.
In this house I became a mother, and now know the greatest love a person can possess . . . A love for which I would, and have, sacrificed much. But how much is too much?
Perhaps the most troubling sacrifice I see as I pack up my life here in Austin and begin to plan my goodbyes is in the realm of friendship. I will be able to read and write and travel again someday, but what about all the familiar faces from mommy group or class that will only stay familiar faces and not deeper friendships when I leave? Sometimes when you love a little person and your husband so very much, and obviously want to spend time with them, you find yourself sacrificing all those other relationships you should be cultivating. I know I am not the only stay-at-home mom who has at some point looked up at the end of the day after conquering a thousand loads of laundry, kissing boo boos, averting tantrums, picking up a million
toys, and realized she has not talked to one other adult all day. You would think I would pick up a phone at that point, but after talking to a toddler all day I sometimes just want a glass of wine and an episode of Downton Abbey.
But as a mother, we have so many opportunities to connect with other mothers since we obviously have at least a few things in common. And in Austin, the opportunities are endless ! In Austin you will meetup.com find groups such as “Newbie Moms of Austin,” “Zilker Neighborhood Moms,” “Working Moms of South Austin” and many, many more! As my time in the friendly and open city of Austin draws to a close, I see those mothers with whom I have connected on that deeper level, but far too often see acquaintances who stayed acquaintances because I was just too “busy,” or chose to spend time with my family instead, or did not make the extra effort or spend the money to get a babysitter. Or as in the case of this morning, my daughter fell asleep in her car seat on the way to a yoga mommy coffee date and I had to cancel. Sigh.
According to one study, “Four out of five moms reported that they don’t have enough friends and 58 percent of the mothers reported feelings of loneliness.” FOUR out of five?? That is just not okay. As women, and especially as mothers, we absolutely must get out from behind that pile of laundry or away from our precious smiling baby, or even just keep that baby awake for the car ride, to connect with other women for support, laughs, and fellowship. It is far too easy to leave playground friendships on the playground, but take the extra step and invite that mom over for a cup of coffee and Goldfish (for the kiddos). Join a meet up group and actually make it to the events. Grab lunch with other mamas after your baby music class.
Mother’s sacrifices are cute on Mother’s Day cards, but should not force you to isolate yourself on this journey when we have so much to learn from each other.
So how have YOU made mommy friends here in Austin (or wherever you are)? Or do you feel isolated? (And stay tuned for a fun post Ashlee is putting together about Girls Nights Out . . . You deserve one!)
