austin-moms-blog-postpartum-anxiety

Postpartum anxiety and depression are so common I think every pregnant woman wonders at some point “will it happen to me?” I felt so blessed when nothing happened after I had my first son (Kadon), it was such a relief. After the birth of my second son (Garner) all was well for a while. However, he was around 3 months when symptoms started, it took me a while to recognize that something was going on. My husband was also starting to wonder what was wrong with me, he knew something was up but probably thought I was just crazy. We were talking one night (Garner was about 5 months)  and I told him that I thought I had some type of postpartum issue going on and that I didn’t feel right.

I was worrying about things that I had never really worried about before, and I am talking about worrying in major excess! Every night when I went to bed I obsessed about how I would get my babies out of the house if someone broke in. Every night I made an escape route for me and the boys for every window and door in our house depending on which door the bad guy came in, I did this every night! I also started taking different routes driving to places that we went to all the time, like Target, my parents house, friends houses, in laws, etc. I was paranoid that we would get in a car wreck so I would take a different path. It was very hard for my husband to understand why I was taking a different and longer route, but he was sweet smart enough to not push the issue. The last thing I overly worried about was every time Kadon, who was 3 at the time, wanted to play outside I would check our whole backyard for snakes. I had a huge fear that there would be a boa constrictor or some sort of giant snake, that would get him and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to help.

It took close to two months for me to put all of the pieces together that something was going on, my husband carefully agreed. Ha, I think he was scared of me. The anxiety was also accompanied with a roller coaster of emotions and a lot of tears. I made an appointment with my OB to chat with him about it, he was so great and supportive. He talked to me and had me talk to his nurse practitioner as well since she had more experience with postpartum issues (and was a female). She told me it was postpartum anxiety and said that my two most obvious options were to meet with a therapist (which was her recommendation), and/or get a prescription for some anti-anxiety medication.

At the time I was overwhelmed at the thought of seeing a therapist. My husband worked a lot and Garner was not in mothers day out yet, so I didn’t see a way to make that work. I am not one that likes taking medicine of any kind, but initially that is the route I took. I took my prescription for a few weeks then quit…I didn’t like some of the side effects. It did help and was enough to take the edge off, but the side effects really bothered me. After discussing it with the hubs I told him I needed him to be off to watch Garner so I could go see a therapists a couple times a month. He didn’t hesitate.

I went to see her for a couple of months and she helped me a lot. She gave me quite a few tools to use at home, my personal favorite was to journal. That really seems to help me work through my fears and thoughts. Anxiety runs in my family, and it is still occasionally triggered by random stressful events (like the first time Hubs and I took a weekend trip out of state and left the boys…which was last summer…I was a mess…like panic attack on the plane mess!). I can usually recognize it pretty quickly, but some times it takes a bit longer. I am so thankful that my husband is so sweet, understanding, and supportive. It really makes the difficult journey so much easier. There are times that he recognizes it before I do.

I didn’t initially tell any family or friends that I had postpartum anxiety, none of them had it (that I knew of) so I didn’t think anyone could relate. The first person (and only one for a long time) I told was my sister because I knew she had some postpartum issues after her 3rd pregnancy. After a few months I decided that not talking about it was an injustice to any other friends that may be going through the same thing and not talking about it. As mothers and women we need to speak up and support each other. Some of the paths in the motherhood journey can be hard and bumpy, we need to have the strength to be open and talk about real life.

The more I was open about my personal experiences the more I had other women talk about their stories as well and have even had a few tell me that the fact that I was so open about my story gave them the strength to open up about theirs. I love that! We have had friends that the wife has had some type of postpartum issue and the husband won’t know how to deal with it or recognize the signs, but my husband has been able help immensely in some cases as well after going through it with me.

I had a brief bout of the postpartum anxiety after we had Porter, but it came on much quicker and was gone quicker, it lasted maybe a couple months. With Garner it lasted maybe 5/6 months, it opened my eyes to so much and made me so much more aware of my emotions and what is going on with my thoughts. I have always been a very emotional person, and not emotional in the sense that I cry a lot, just that I put a lot of emotion into everything I do and the relationships I have with people close to me. I hate that I still have to deal with the anxiety occasionally, but am thankful that it taught me to be more conscious and aware of my feeling and emotions, it taught me a lot about myself.

Have you had postpartum issues? How did you handle them?

10 COMMENTS

  1. Ugh.  Just reminds me so much of what I went through with Trent.  Those irrational fears that seem SO normal at the time.  I would walk by our pool and plan how I would rescue Trent if someone grabbed him from the stroller and threw him in the pool.  What?  I’m just so thankful I was able to get help and have a plan in place for this baby!  (Which you know and I’m scared to tell Brent, haha)

    •  I know Allena….it is so irritating to have it to deal with. I think my snake fear irritated me the most and as if I wasn’t scared of snakes enough before that, now I can’t even look at them!
      I think you have a great plan in place and it may trip out Brent a little, but I think it is amazing and would do the exact same thing if I were pregnant again. Maybe Brent and Brandon should hang out and Brandon could use guy talk to get him more adjusted to some of the ideas 🙂

  2. Thanks for sharing, friend! I had some serious anxiety after Izzy was born and felt absolutely crazy. I knew a certain amount of “mommy anxiety” was normal, but I was worried all the time. I think it’s important that we talk about these things so other moms don’t feel isolated or damaged when it happens. Good job Ash!

    •  Thanks friend! I know when it happened with Garner I did feel very isolated, then with Porter it was easier (obviously because I had been through it before) because I able to talk about it without feeling awkward. I still have “flare ups” every now and then. I am sure my plane ride to San Fran soon will make it spike 🙁

    •  I hadn’t heard of PPA either…just the depression. It was rough and it breaks my heart when I see or hear about another mom going through it.

  3. After Lucy was born, I was crippled by feelings of inadequacy and guilt, in addition to irrational fears. It took over a year before I started to feel “normal” with the help of therapy and medication. I also started my blog which helped greatly. It was nice to get all of my feelings out in the open and connect with other moms who went through the same thing.
    Thank you for sharing your story, Ashlee. I feel like PPD is another one of those “taboo” topics that moms are afraid to share but we instantly feel better when we do.

    •  I agree about it being “taboo” to a lot of women and I think it is important that we break that idea….we need to talk about those type of issues to feel empowered to help ourselves and others. Motherhood is not easy, and neither is the journey getting there.

  4. I, too, experienced postpartum anxiety. I was crippled with intense insomnia, an inability to eat, daily cry fests, vomitting and more. I immediately sought help and found some great help through a therapist, postpartum support groups, and some medications. I found it very difficult to find a good psychiatrist who could see me quickly and who was sensitive to postpartum issues. Because of this, I was part of a group who founded the Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas. (www.pphatx.org). We are dedicated to making it EASY to find GOOD help in Central Texas. If you or anyone you know is experiencing PPD or is at risk, please take a minute to check the website out. We would love your feedback, and love any ideas about other good resources for families experiencing mental health difficulties during pregnancy or postpartum.

    •  Thank you so much for the info Beth!!! I will keep it handy to pass along. I had the insomnia as well…lack of sleep alone can make one feel crazy :/. I liked my therapist, but didn’t feel we clicked like I wanted to, so I recently got the info of another one that was highly recommended just in case I need to go again. I think having a therapist that you click with is very important!

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