I have a brother, he’s 15, stinky, snarky and perverted. He also thinks he’s the next Troy Aikman, but that’s not what I’m blogging about today…I’m focusing in on the snarky. I love the kid but, man…my brother is the biggest little fifteen-year-old jerk I’ve ever met. I’ll give you an example:
Mom: Michael, what do you want for your birthday?
Michael: Freedom.
Mom: Ha! What do you mean freedom?
Michael: Freedom. Like I don’t want to have to tell you what I’m doing and where I’m going, just let me live my life.
::door slam::
I don’t get it. Where does this kid get the idea that he deserves some sort of freedom? This isn’t the first time he’s brought something hilarious like that up. It’s comical, honestly, because the kid has never done a load of laundry or made his bed (that I know of) so how he thinks he+freedom would be a good mix is beyond me.
So all of this brings me to my question, how do we avoid creating snarky teenagers? I mean my brother and I were raised the same and I can’t say I was the perfect teenager (I certainly had my days) but I was nothing like my brother. Is it because he’s a boy? So am I in the safe zone with my daughter?
I’m asking all of these questions because we’re knee deep in Love and Logic and all sorts of other things that will help make Caroline a polite and well rounded child and I want to make sure that we’re thinking forward to the teenage years, too.
So today, I’m looking for advice…what lessons are you teaching your kids now that will (hopefully) stay with them through their teenage years? When are the crucial years to avoid teenage snarkiness?
I think girls are supposedly worse than boys. I don’t think my sister or I were especially defiant but we definitely did some door slamming/sassing. I think what helped prevent it so much in our house growing up was a healthy dose of fear. My parents loved us, and we never doubted it. But I also knew there was a chance I’d get slapped across the face too if I got too sassy (it only happened once before I learned my lesson). And getting my dad angry was NEVER a good option, so no matter how ‘teenagery’ I was…I knew when to stop because I knew what the consequence would be. And it was always much better to sulk in silence than to risk the wrath of either parent! I hope we’re doing that with Trent… I have ‘Love and Logic’ though and plan to read it. I ‘know’ we aren’t supposed to spank, but it works for us right now, but I know it might not always…
I somewhat agree with you, Allena about having the fear thing in you, but then as I type this I think of my upbringing… my sister was ruthlessly spanked (or so I’ve heard horror stories of her dangling while my dad held her by her belt loop and whipped her), but she never really learned her lesson. She was always defiant, always getting into trouble, and had many spankings. Then there was me… I was never spanked and I’m not really saying that I didn’t need to be, but I was a decently well-behaved child and teenager. Sure I made mistakes as a teenager, but I was always pretty respectful to my parents, teachers, etc. Still, even given the above, I think if respect is demanded by parents and anything else results in punishment (not sure of the severity here) then respect is what you’ll get. I look at my cousins kiddos and if they don’t say “yes ma’am, no sir, please thank you, etc. they actually get threatened with a spanking… and their parents will follow through with that threat and they know it. Now it’s just innate and who they are, because they became so accustomed to manners at a young age.
Wesley and I have had this conversation and I feel if certain things like manners aren’t required/expected inside the house, then how can you expect your toddler, teenager, etc to have them outside of the home?
My 2 cents…
I am in agreement with you too Allena. I would say girls are more sassy and the boys probably have more attitude because of the testosterone. I did things as a teen that would have stressed my parents out, but I was also a very good teenager…I didn’t do nearly as much as most of my friends. My parents instilled a healthy dose of fear in me from the beginning, so I knew if I got sassy or pushed the envelope too much I was in BIG trouble. I had friends that called their moms a bitch…I wold have NEVER dreamed of doing that. My mom warned me what would happen if I ever did and I believed her. My kids have that same fear…they know mama doesn’t play around. All 3 of my boys are going to be bigger than me by the time they are teens, but I have no doubt that they will know that I can still take care of business when needed. We have also taught our boys to be respectful, it is not an option for anything less, so that will carry over as teens and adults.
When I see how some kids (not just teens, but they are sometimes worse) talk to their parents and/or other adults it makes me cringe. I want to slap them for the parents.
I swear teens are difficult to make it easier for parents to let them leave for college 😉