My life as a single mom has not been easy. In fact, it has been the most challenging experience of my life. I have
been a single mom not only once, but twice (I will save that blog for another day). Coming from a broken family myself, the one thing I always wanted out of life was a loving husband and children. In my situation, I had the children, just not the loving husband.

I had an 8-year-old son from a previous relationship when I met my (now) ex husband. My ex and I had a brief courtship and quick engagement. Life seemed to be on the right track once we got married, but unfortunately, our marriage went downhill fast, after finding out three months into it that I did not marry the man I thought I had. But, like most married couples you try to work things out.  We even got pregnant. You would think that pregnancy would bring couples closer together, but in my situation, it pushed us further away, and 9 months into the pregnancy of my youngest son, I find myself separated from my husband. Fast-forward three months after the birth of our son, and we are going through a divorce. An ugly divorce, none the less. Once it was all said and done, we sold our family home, I found a new job and moved back to Austin. In a way it was like starting all over. I was recreating myself. My survival mode had kicked in though. I made a budget, I starting managing my time, and I made sure to surround myself around loving friends and family. Being a single parent is not glamorous, but you have to make the most of it. I learned a few things along the way, so here a few tips that I hope find all you single parents well:

Ask for help: I encourage all mothers, single or not, to ask for help if you need it. The most difficult time in my life was the day of my divorce. I was by myself, up against my husband who always referred to himself as “a bull in a china shop”.  The bull was present that day and had I enlisted family or friends for moral support, the outcome would have been completely different.

Take time for yourself: I found this to be very important because life in general can get overwhelming, but coupled with being a single working mom, things get hectic very quickly. Go get that pedicure you’ve been talking about, treat yourself to a massage, go out to eat with friends, etc. The happier mom is, the happier the kids are.

Find a support group: Currently, my support group is the other wonderful moms at Austin Moms Blog, my sister, and my dear friends. Without these people in my life, I would be a complete mess. There are also single mom groups at Meetup.com, as well as churches.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself: Easier said than done, but when you can get passed, “what did I do to deserve this/why is this happening to me?” your focus shifts to what is truly important-your children and your personal well-being. You will be amazed with what you can accomplish once you change your mind set.

Don’t’ force the uncontrollable: Once you come to the realization that there are some things that are just not in your control, your life becomes more manageable. You cannot control traffic, you cannot control your ex being late to pick up your kid. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Take a time out: As a single parent, you don’t have your husband to intervene when you are about to lose your mind because your child threw his spaghetti on the floor. Instead, step away from the situation, count to 10 if you have to, and do your best to remain calm. Blowing your top is not healthy for your kiddos.

Try not to stretch yourself thin: I use to be the volunteer queen- I was on the PTA, I volunteered at my church, volunteered as a coach on my oldest son’s recreational sports teams, and it became too much to juggle. At times you just have to learn to say “no”.

No need to keep score: You know you have a million things to do at home-cook dinner, do dishes, laundry, clean house, maybe work you brought home from the office, but you also have a child that requires and needs your attention.  Skip the morning chores and play with your child instead. I tend to do my “chores” after my kids are asleep.

Keep your anti-men comments to yourself: Believe me, I am still bitter when it comes to my ex, but I do not express it in front of my son. The image your child has about their father should be the one they derive on their own- good or bad.

Surround your child around positive male influences: Maybe your ex flew the coop, maybe he didn’t, either way, it is always to good to have a positive male influence in your child’s life. All children need that male bonding time. My oldest son’s male influence is my stepfather, and my youngest son’s male influence is a dear friend of mine.

Be prepared: In my dirty car sits my youngest son’s baby bag, equipped with the obvious-diapers and wipes, but also snacks, juice boxes, bottle water, toy cars, spare clothes, colors and coloring book, and a blanket. At home I have diapers galore just in case you are stuck in the house because of bad weather. I also tend to grocery shop on Sunday and cook my meals for the week that day as well.

Pick and choose your battles with your kids: Being the disciplinarian and mom at the same time is often a losing battle. You want to keep the peace with your kids, but you also want to get respect in the process. By picking and choosing your battles, you can hopefully balance the two out.

What are your tips to survive as a single parent?