The title of this blog is a little misleading. You probably thought you were going read about some miracle meal that came from an accidental blend of something in the kitchen.
Welp, you’re not. Sorry! You’re going to read about my accidental pregnancy, and how despite the rocky road, (that seemed to last forever and ever at the time, but really didn’t) making a baby “out of order” was quite the blessing.
When I was asked to write about, “What happens when getting pregnant was an oops,” I knew I wanted to talk about a few things. Sure, I could talk about how I got pregnant and still question the potency of birth control, but I’m beyond that now. Caroline will be four in July and my perspective on “what happens” is far more grown up than literal and emotional these days. So, what does happen when you find yourself with seven positive pregnancy tests (well…six…one was questionable) on your bathroom counter at midnight?
1. You go through SARAH. Also known as the stages of grief (even though you may not be grieving the stages are totally applicable.) Shock. Anger. Resistance. Acceptance. You’re totally shocked that “it happened to you,” you’re angry that you were irresponsible or you’re angry at Yaz! for it’s crappiness (or you’re angry at yourself for not taking it on vacation and skipping two days…) You may be feeling resistance toward changing the life you had planned, and, ultimately, with time, you accept the facts and can make a rational decision that you (and your partner if there is one) are happy with.
2. You realize who your true friend are. I surprisingly lost a few friends when I learned I was pregnant. I say surprisingly because it was 2009 at the time and crazier things were happening than me getting pregnant. However, the few friends lost are nothing more than speckles of memories compared to how my true friends not only accepted my pregnancy, but embraced and looked forward to my new arrival. My best friends from high school even flew me, and my six-month-pregnant belly, up to Boston for one last girly weekend before (I couldn’t fly anymore!) Caroline made her debut. If it weren’t for Caroline I am not sure if Allison and I would have made our way back to each other after a friendship earlier in our lives.
3. You develop thick(er) skin. I’ll never forget telling my boss at the time that I was pregnant. She had actually just announced that she was pregnant and so both of us being out seemed less than ideal. All of that aside, I clearly had to tell her because I was going to start showing eventually. I sat in her office and she said, “Congratulations?” Like it was a question. She wasn’t the only person to respond in that way, and you sort of have to suck it up. The other thing that came with the growing belly was the number of women who perform ring checks. You know you’ve done it…you’ve looked at a woman’s hand to check out her ring. Well…I didn’t have one. So women either assumed 1.) I left it at home (I seriously doubt they thought this, but I’ll give a few the benefit of the doubt) or 2.) I wasn’t married. People who realized #2 to be true often had a “look.” I wish I could mimic it, but I cannot. All of that aside, the friendships discussed in Item 2 along with family support overshadows the critics by a long shot. However, regardless of how old you are, how secure you are in your relationship, decision, what have you, it’s never a pleasant feeling to be judged.
4. You grow up really fast. Unless you’re grown up, then you probably don’t do this. When I say, “you grow up,” I mean that your decision-making system is shocked to the core and you’re now responsible for a little life and all of those other things you already know. This is where the, “We were ready to have a baby,” or “We’re not ready to have a baby, ” step of life is skipped. You’re having a baby. Figure it out. This is probably true for those who find themselves in a similar position even when they’re married. I have friends who have gotten married very young and didn’t intend on starting a family when they did. A lot of these reactions and “things that happen” are the same for them. They just have a piece of jewelry on their left ring finger so it’s a bit more socially acceptable.
5. You forget it was an accident the minute you see a little peanut baby in a sonogram. Yes, your pregnancy will forever technically be an accident, but that term is so rude. People will do the math, people will figure it out, but at the end of the day, it’s your story and the journey that you took to become a mother, and as cheesy as it sounds, every journey is purposeful it its own way.
Was your pregnancy planned or unplanned? We’re on the unplanned side of the fence so tell us where you fall?