Sure I’ve admitted to my own shortcomings when it comes to laundry and other things, but today is not about me. It’s about him. The man that I live with that marks his territory like a damn dog. It’s pretty comical when you think about it really. We’re going on seven years of doin’ life together and after endless eye rolls, cold shoulders, stomping feet, blank stares, etc. etc. we still end up here.
Drum roll please.
Today’s blog is Five Ways You Can Tell A Man Was In Your Bathroom.
Now, I’m sure there is the exceptional jewel of a man who never exhibits any of this caveman like behavior, but ladies, let’s be real…9/10 men suffer from this.
Here’s my story.
I came home from a long day at the office and had the strong desire to take a long shower. Well, first things first, I had to pee.
That’s right, ladies. That’s a new roll of toilet paper WEDGED into the small space between the roll and the built-in holder. I mean it took effort to wedge that thing in there. I somehow was unphased by the lack of effort of my roommate’s part and preceded to appropriately place the roll of toilet paper on its holder. NBD.
I started to undress as any about-to-take-a-shower taker would. Just as I was going to place my clothing in the dirty clothes I encountered this.
Yup. Those are boxers and they’re oh so close to their temporary resting place. It’s possible (I mean, I never know!) that the man of the house was so worn out from an exhausting day at his home office that he completely lost the strength in his bicep and was unable to pull the laundry cabinet out. Completely possible. Nonetheless, I left them there and hope that they’re his favorite pair and in the middle of the night a family of roaches come to live in there and scare the bejesus out of him when he does decide to put them in the hamper.
After I (properly) placed my clothes in the hamper it was time for me to grab my towels so I was prepared post-long-much-needed shower.
I mean. I just can’t. It’s not awful, but it’s certainly not the Pottery Barn advertisement that I strive for. This reminded me of this BuzzFeed video that we shared online the other day and then made me laugh a little. #divorcedovertowelfoldings. It happens.
Now, it’s finally time for me to take a shower. Thank God.
Is this real life? Yes, thank you for giving our child a bath, but must her toys stay out in perpetuity? Put the damn things away. Now I have to sit (naked and ready to take a damn shower) and shake out the left over water out of all of the stupid toys. Thanks. Really.
What feels like seventy five hours later I finally took a shower. Relaxed. Deep conditioned my hair. And now I’m ready to brush my teeth and head to bed (Oh! Speaking of brushing teeth..this app for kids is a miracle worker, really!) and OF COURSE!
OF COURSE you left the cap off the toothpaste and didn’t squeeze from the bottom. OF COURSE there is a little bit of toothpaste sticking out and that’s gross. At this point, he’s lucky he’s asleep near my child or there’d be some foot stompin’ a la Thumper.
For all those wondering, he’s still alive. Everything has been returned to its appropriate resting place and I’ve added a praise chart in the kitchen to reward his good behavior. We’ll see how it goes.