Divorce and the holidays…it’s not easy.
Divorce is quiet. Too quiet. Divorce is lonely and sad. I literally sat for two hours just kind of staring into space. This will be the longest I have ever gone without seeing my children. Ever. Thankfully their father and I have a previously signed agreement where I get to see the kiddos on Christmas Eve for a few hours to take them to church and then again on Christmas Day! If we didn’t have an agreement then I likely wouldn’t see them until the 28th — nine sleeps!
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My daughter excused herself twice from her Christmas party at school today and came back with watery eyes and red cheeks. She finally told me she didn’t want to be divorced — that she was going to miss me. And even though she gives me major attitude and rolls her eyes at me — I missed her the second they drove off. And I’m so upset not to see them at four in the morning when they wake on Christmas morning! And I can’t imagine not making cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so very thankful that I get to take them to the pick-up pageant on Christmas Eve but I’m crushed about the other things. All the traditions I will miss with my littles. And being alone. It’s not like visitation weekends — my friends keep me occupied and busy. This is the holiday season — my friends have their own families and husbands to tend to — their own traditions.
This is the part where I learn to discover myself –right? And I don’t feel sorry for my situation — right? That I start to count my blessings? Lemme just tell you — at this moment, this very moment, all I feel is sad. I miss my babies. I missed reading to them tonight. I missed snuggling with them. And I’ll miss it each and every night until the time they are back here!
Divorce and the holidays? It sucks. Know a single mom? Or dad? Hug them a little longer and don’t let go until they let go first. Trust me, they need it.
it does suck
I have been crying every evening in anticipation of my baby girl leaving on Christmas day for 7 whole sleeps. This is the first year and I am grateful I have her for actual Christmas eve and morning but the pain of not having her every day during our holiday sucks. I am trying to make the most of every second but I am scared on the 7 whole nights without her, this will be the longest she will have spent with him
This is my first Christmas without my children, and it’s going to be so difficult being away from them. I have also been missing all of our Christmas traditions. I am so looking forward to them being home next weekend so we can have our Christmas together. Thanks for taking the time to write this; it makes me feel less alone.
I know that life oh so well and it’s so hard! I didn’t think I was going to make it through those times when I was single but I did. I’m now remarried but I’m still so sad when my baby girl is at her dad’s on Christmas! It’s so hard not to be selfish but I know making memories with her daddy is just as important with her making memories with me! Keep your focus on the best for them and it gets easier! I’m so sad for myself but so happy for her! Hugs and love to you!
Not sure how many of these you’ve been through, but for me this is my third year being divorced during the Holidays. The first was the one that made me feel very sad and out of place. It was hard. I learned to embrace that time and that we are among MANY MANY others that are not doing all of the traditional Christmas rituals with our spouse and children. Feel extremely fortunate that your children are able to be with both of their parent’s homes. Enjoy this time. My girls will not be able to see their mother this year and rarely see her at all. I can assure you that as much as I miss them when they go, I envy your situation. Not trying to say you shouldn’t feel the way you do, just trying to help you shift your focus.
Such a great point, Mark! Thank you!! I’m lucky in that respect — they have a daddy who loves them and is extremely active!
Thank you for your article. I will definitely share this with those in need. Happy Holidays.
-Micahel C. Craven, Chicago Divorce Attorney http://www.divorcelawyerschicago.org/
Not to make you feel worse but this never changes. Even when your kids are grown THEY will struggle and be challenged with dealing with the holidays and divorced parents. It sucks and I don’t think parents always consider this. I am a 35 yr old who still has to deal with my parents (& my husband’s parents) divorce. We have 4 sets of grandparents waiting for/want to visit on the holidays. For years it meant 10 days worth of get in the car and go here for a few days then go here for a few days…then 2 more stops! It sucked. If you left someone out they were mad or got their feelings hurt. I am so over their decision to divorce. You chose to marry, you chose to have kids, you chose to get divorced. Choose to share the holidays with your ex. Doesn’t it make more sense for the parent to go spend Christmas morning at their ex’s place. Who cares if the divorcees are uncomfortable for a few hours. we invite all of our parents over and some don’t come because they aren’t comfortable around an ex. Sorry to say but we (kids of divorced parents) shouldn’t have to conform to your (divorced parents) comfort level. Discomfort is a consequence of divorcing. Accept responsibility of the choices that you make. Make it easier on your babies.
Robyn … I 100% agree with you … the kiddos are the most important. I invited their father to spend Christmas Eve with us … and Christmas morning opening presents. He opted out. I also made the decision years ago that I wouldn’t travel at Christmas … if people want to see the kids on Christmas Day (all four sets of grandparents included) they can join. Any of them!! Christmas is for the kiddos …