I wanted to wait to write today’s post until this moment… The moment when I’m alone in my home without my children. It’s quiet. Too quiet. I’m lonely and sad. I literally sat for two hours just kind of staring into space. This will be the longest I have ever gone without seeing my children. Ever. Thankfully their father and I have a previously signed agreement where I get to see the kiddos on Christmas Eve for a few hours to take them to church and then again on Christmas Day! If we didn’t have an agreement then I likely wouldn’t see them until the 28th — nine sleeps! Oh, the holidays as a single parent. It blows.
Sabrina excused herself twice from her Christmas party at school today and came back with watery eyes and red cheeks. She finally told me she didn’t want to be divorced — that she was going to miss me. And even though she gives me major attitude and rolls her eyes at me — I missed her the second they drove off. And I’m so upset not to see them at four in the morning when they wake on Christmas morning!! And I can’t imagine not making cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so very thankful that I get to take them to the pick-up pageant on Christmas Eve but I’m crushed about the other things. All the traditions I will miss with my littles. And being alone. It’s not like visitation weekends — my friends keep me occupied and busy. This is the holiday season — my friends have their own families and husbands to tend to — their own traditions.
This is the part where I learn to discover myself –right? And I don’t feel sorry for my situation — right? That I start to count my blessings? Lemme just tell you — at this moment, this very moment, all I feel is sad. I miss my babies. I missed reading to them tonight. I missed snuggling with them. And I’ll miss it each and every night until the time they are back here!
So — single parent holidays? They suck. Know a single mom? Or dad? Hug them a little longer and don’t let go until they let go first. Trust me, they need it.