BREASTFEEDING. When I hear the word I cringe. My experience with breastfeeding was extremely difficult. When my son, Turner, was born I was adamant I would breast feed as long as I could, or at least until I went back to work. For the first week, I breast fed laying on my side due to my healing process. Just like many other moms experience, the first two weeks were very painful. Everyone kept telling me the pain would lessen over time, but it didn’t. I met with a lactation consultation two days after Turner was born to make sure he was latching right, which he did a good job of. But something was just not right. I got mastitis not once but twice in one month, and if you know what it feels like you know it was horrible. Fever, chills, lack of energy (which you’re already low on to begin with), rash, itchy skin, and above all else you’re supposed to continue nursing to work through the infection. I worked through it gritting my teeth and quietly whispering a few swear words as Turner nursed. I also had a cut on my nipple that would not heal for anything.
Let’s throw in to the mix a very gassy and fussy baby. I mean crying all the time for no reason. I blamed my diet, so I tried to lay off the dairy. That lasted a few days. It was too stressful to track every little thing I ate, and Turner seemed to be acting the same either way.
Finally, after 5 weeks of trying my best, my husband noticed my pain and struggle and offered to buy some formula. I think he was tired of Turner’s gas issues as well, and would try anything to get him to stop crying. We supplemented formula with pumped breast milk. After the second or third day of pumping every few hours, I decided to quit. I was done with the stress and the struggle. Turner seemed to be doing a bit better on formula, and I finally felt free from pain. I was very apprehensive to stop, and I immediately missed the connection Turner and I had in those quiet moments we spent together. In the end I feel I made the best decision for Turner and I. I plan on breastfeeding as long as possible with my future babies, and I hope my body cuts me a little slack the next time around.
:: How was your experience with breastfeeding? Did you struggle as well? ::
Jesse,
Thank you for sharing your breastfeeding story. There is so much peer pressure, media pressure, etc. to breastfeed that you very rarely hear stories about those of us who struggled with breastfeeding and ultimately had to make the tough decision to stop. The constant struggle, the guilty feelings – bottom line you have to do what’s right for you and your baby. Again, thanks for sharing.
Your situation sounds similar to mine. I pushed through for 5 months getting mastitis 1-2 times a week. It was horrible and I can’t believe I tortured myself all in desperation to nurse. I hope it goes better next time around.
Wow! I went through exactly the same situation! I tried so many things to keep my supply which after the mastitis went lower and lower. I bought tees, supplements, pills! Tried it all, my baby was very gassy, but not just any gas, the stinkies gas you could ever think! I changed my diet but it was so hard and I didn’t see any improvement on my baby’s belly problems. I was sooo stressed out, and the pressure of everyone, everywhere chanting ” breastfeeding is the only best thing!” My worst nightmare lasted 3 months! One day I gave in for my sanity. After few days I stopped breastfeeding, my baby’s gas and stomach issues disappeared! I had a happy baby!! And I was much free and happy as well. My baby was dairy sensitive, and I ate lots of dairy thinking it was the best for my baby. Thanks for sharing!
It took two weeks of painful feedings for my first child and I to finally click. We were so broke at the time, we couldn’t have purchased formula without some sort of assistance.
I never had mastitis (that sounds terrible!), but I did have a situation where breastfeeding wasn’t best for my baby. I had never heard of a baby having a bad reaction to it’s mother’s milk, but mine did. It turns out she was allergic to my milk. I feel so bad that we didn’t figure it out sooner. It wasn’t what I was eating as I had adjusted my diet several times to see if that was it. I had such guilt and feelings of failure over not being able to “naturally” feed my baby “as a mother should” after not being able to have a “natural birth” (ended up having a C-section).
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel it is important to get more of these type of stories out there. We want what is best for our babies and sometimes we try so hard to do what is expected we take longer to come to the right conclusion and cause ourselves much grief in the process.
Angela, I wanted to share with you my experience in case it will help you or someone else in the future. My daughter had proctocolitis from my milk as well. Blood in her stool, foamy green poo and colic with terrible pain. She wasn’t gaining weight from her diarrhea and started losing weight at around two months. I cut out every imaginable allergin. Not until her gastroenterologist went to the research did he discover a very small study where women were given digestive enzymes. He put me on a high dose (20k lipase RX w every meal and snack) and after one week of taking it, I was able to get her off the neocate and 100% breastfeed! I truly hope our story helps someone else dealing with allergies.
I feel your pain as well and thank you for your courage to share. I also struggled a lot breast feeding my first-born. Many rounds of mastitis those first few months and then a yeast infection/thrush combo that lasted for weeks before discovered (didn’t even know it was possible to get that on your breast before). Lactation consultants also assured me her latch was perfect from the get-go too so I put all the blame on myself. I dreaded it and cried every time for the first 2-3 months before it got any better. Pretty sure it contributed to my postpartum depression and looking back, still not sure it was worth what I went through. The good news is I miraculously had zero problems breast feeding my second. I wish the same for you! And if not, your baby will be much happier and healthier with a happy, sane mom than a miserable one. I believe every mom has to make whatever decisions she feels are best for her baby and herself – regardless of what everyone tells us. You’re obviously a good mom. Good luck and enjoy the years ahead!
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. While mine was not so bad it was not perfect either. Just the water from the shower hurt my nipples they were so sore. I had a great lactation consultant at the hospital that gave me a nipple shield. I do not think I could have made it without it. The nipple shield made it bareable so that I could focus on the other issues.
Thanks for sharing! I also had problems with my first child. Supplemented almost immediately and gave in 2 months in.
With my second, i gritted my teeth through mastitis and did supplement once or twice, but happy to say that at 8 months still breastfeeding. Not because the world says it’s best, but because I love it (now)
In the end, it’s about baby being fed and healthy and mommy being healthy as well!
My experience with breastfeeding was not at all how I expected it to be. I had done my reading and talked to friends who had breastfed before. My son latched well and I saw a few breastfeeding consultants. It definitely hurt a lot in the beginning and I experienced several clogged ducts. But my body was not producing enough to support his growth, I knew he was small but there was never any indication that he wasn’t getting enough until we went to his two month appointment. We starting having to supplement and feeding him pumped milk after he breastfed so he was getting enough. I was devastated that my body wasn’t doing the thing it was supposed to just do naturally. After a month of breastfeeding, supplementing and then pumping afterwards to keep my supply, I felt like all I did was sit on the couch and do those three things. My son also started to refuse breastfeeding and preferred the bottle. At three months we decided to switch to just formula and it was the best thing for our son and for me in the long run. I’m hoping I can breastfeed with our next but at least I’m prepared now for the possibility of my body not producing enough.
I am so glad to read about other struggles. Like many, I was determined to breastfeed but had a fear of producing due to a breast reduction 7 years prior. I was excited when I started leaking in the shower one day! Anyways, my daughter was in NICU for 2 weeks and I was forced to pump and do a breastfeed/formula schedule. I was pumping HALF ounces after a feeding and I was so upset. When she was finally able to go home I tried to exclusively breastfeed the first night and she was so miserable. I made an appointment the next day and they did a detailed weight check before and after a feeding on each side. Turns out, she hasn’t even gained 1/10 of an ounce and was only sucking for comfort (her latch was perfect). I was heartbroken but like many others, I knew I had tried my best. So much pressure exist for mothers to strictly breastfeed and there isn’t enough focus on the struggles and reasons on why that may not be possible. Thank you for this post!!!