Sponsored By: Synergy Plastic Surgery
It may come as a shock to some, but guys don’t always start doing backflips when their wives or significant others announce they are thinking about getting breast implants. Many men react positively, but it’s also common for a husband or boyfriend to struggle to communicate their feelings. And that’s when things go well.
The tone of the conversation that occurs when a woman first expresses her interest in breast augmentation is often set by her significant other’s initial reaction. So to help steer that discussion in a direction that helps couples reach a decision without wounding their relationships, here’s a list of appropriate responses:
1. “If that’s what you want, I completely support your decision. I’d be happy to join you during the consultations.”
Well, it’s not much of a list. Because that’s really the only appropriate thing to say at this point. Unfortunately, the list of things not to say is a little bit longer. It certainly doesn’t make you a bad person if you have any of the reactions listed below. Most of these responses are completely understandable in some cases. But they have a pretty consistent theme: They’re all about you, not the person who wants to get breast implants. For example, here is probably one of the most common statements a guy will make when learning that his significant other wants bigger breasts:
“I love your body just the way it is.”
On first blush, a very sweet remark. Certainly better than, “it’s about time.” The underlying message, however, is that she is getting breast implants to make you happy. Wrong. No matter how many times women say that having bigger breasts is about boosting their self-confidence, changing something about themselves they’ve long disliked, and expanding their fashion choices, guys cling to the belief it’s all about, well, other guys.
Here are a few other comments that, while perhaps well-intentioned, fall into the “better left unsaid” category:
- “Getting breast implants is pretty expensive. You know, we could spend that money on a nice vacation.” Because it’s all about you, right? Cost may be a legitimate concern for couples, but not in the context of having a woman choose between breast augmentation and a vacation, a new stove, or any other expense that has nothing to do with how she feels about her body.
- “What if I don’t like the way they feel? Again with the me, me, me. Plus, it’s not really a legitimate concern with the advanced silicone gel implants available these days. “The feel of the implants is the primary motivation for nearly 90% of my patients to choose silicone,” says Dr. Mahlon Kerr, a breast augmentation specialist in Austin, Texas, in a blog post on his website. You can go to a consultation and feel them for yourself.
- “What about the risks? There are complications, or you might get an infection.” Yes, risks are inherent in any surgical procedure. But going negative isn’t the best way to express your support. Chances are, a woman considering breast augmentation has done some research.
- “Aren’t breast implants something only strippers get?” Actually, no. Statistics from a number of sources, including the well-respected American Society of Plastic Surgeons®, show that year after year breast augmentation is one of the most common cosmetic surgery procedures performed in the U.S. Not all of the patients are strippers. Do you think your loved one will enjoy you implying that she is acting like one?
- “What will your family/friends/co-workers think?” A variation of this is wondering if people will be able to tell that your wife or girlfriend got a boob job. The problem with these types of questions is that it assumes there is some reason to be ashamed about getting breast implants.
Yes, people may notice the change. How they react is their business and shouldn’t be part of the discussion. Ideally, couples arrive at a decision with a mutual understanding about why a woman wants to get breast implants. To help reach that decision, the best advice is to think before speaking.
This read as weird and selfish…which is especially confusing since half of the article was calling out men as being supposedly selfish. Talking about the expense and very real risks of what is typically an elective surgery doesn’t sound like a man being selfish or inappropriate. It sounds like a conversation a married couple should probably life before one person makes a very serious decision. Honestly the article seemed very personally motivated, like I was peeking into your personal diary with your frustrations about wanting your husband to support your breast implants. No thank you.
My husband always have been a great support for me. I wanted to undergo the breast implant surgery since my teenage which came to be possible when I got married to my loved one. He has scheduled the breast implants surgery next week in Dr. Asif Pirani’s cosmetic surgery clinic in Toronto. I’m very much excited and nervous as well.
The big problem with this article is that while it bashes the husband for daring to express anything that makes the implants about HIM, it then swings completely the other way, as though getting them is all about HER.
They are a married couple. Things that a spouse does, whether it be getting breast implants, changing jobs, wanting to move to a different city, having children (or not), getting new furniture for the living room, all affect BOTH parties. The woman cannot get breast implants because they will make her feel better about herself with no regard to how this affects her husband, and he darn well does have a right to bring those things up, and I mean RIGHT up, at the get-go. No sense letting her go through a pile of consultations and options, all the while thinking everything is okay with hubby, only to have him voice a month later that he hates the whole idea, or is afraid of how they will look or feel, or what their friends or family will say. Those are all legitimate concerns, and he has a right to them.
Wifey better buck up and accept that this whole thing is a matter they need to both agree on.
It’s never as simple as “my body my choice” when you are married. You give up that totally autonomous decision-making freedom when you get married. That’s the whole point.
You are no longer two independent people. You are a couple, a team. And just like any team, every decision has to be made with agreement and compromise.
… and that includes getting breast implants.
And in the interest of full disclosure…
My wife has them. She wanted them.
And I absolutely love them now that she has them.
So, no “implant basher” am I.
But that’s got nothing to do with whether the husband has a right to be part
of the decision. And when I say “part of the decision”, that means a heck of a lot
more than just, “Do whatever you want, honey, and I will support you.”
Your response (albeit an old thread) is spot on. I’m here in Austin and had concerns prior to my Wife’s BA. We discussed and addressed each one as a team. That is what healthy married couples do, even when it comes to an elective/cosmetic procedure on her body. To be honest, the comments to this post are far more helpful compared to the husband hating and switch to focusing on herself.
On a final note, I see Dr. Kerr (or his practice) sponsors this blog. He an his staff are great. I’m speaking from personal experience for what it is worth.