“Are you going to have another baby?”

Guess who asked that? Not my mom. Not my mother-in-law. Not even a girlfriend. It was the teenager bagging my groceries at HEB while my toddler flirted with her.

It’s an awkward question to be asked and even more awkward to answer. Whenever someone asks if/when we’re giving Cade a sibling, I feel like I have to justify the “no” answer that I’ll be giving.


Why? It’s ridiculous. It’s my body, my life, my hypothetical child. Why do I have to defend my decision?

Because saying “no, we don’t want more kids” somehow implies a problem. Like children are like tax-free money – why would anyone in their right mind NOT want more!?

So when I decline, I get a look like I have three-heads, or at the very least, like I misunderstood the question. Followed by the “oh no – did I put my foot in my mouth” face of someone fearing a genuinely awful reason like infertility or divorce. (Thankfully that’s not it but, that’s the risk we run if/when we ask a stranger a loaded and personal question.)

I could tell you it’s because the pregnancy and newborn phases weren’t really for me (they weren’t). But then again, lots of  women dislike gaining 20+ pounds, pushing a watermelon out of their who-haa and then not sleeping for three (six, nine, eighteen, whatever) months. But I signed up for it once and if I really wanted another child, I’d sign up for it again.

I could tell you it’s because juggling two kids kinda scares the bejeezus outta me (it kinda does). But I know it can be done; my parents, in-laws and almost every family I’ve ever known has done it. And am I really going to let the logistics of balancing tee-ball and ballet be what determines if I procreate? No – that’s crazy!

The real reason, the bottom line for why we’re strongly leaning toward one-and-done is actually pretty simple and I would guess it applies to many other one-and-done couples. Our life with one child feels complete, happy, satisfied and balanced.

We go to swim lessons and gymnastics class. We read board books. We play trains and trucks. We sing “C is for Cookie.” We eat dinner, and sometimes even breakfast, as a family.

We also have careers. We go on trips. We work out. We have me-time, us-time and family-time. We are as balanced as a two-working-parent family can be and we really like it.

That’s it. It isn’t dramatic. There aren’t any problems and there are no unrequited wants. We have one really cute incredible kid and we’re rockin’ at life right now. And we want to keep rockin’ it. Totally, blissfully, completely happy just the way we are.



  1. This is such a perfectly written, short and sweet article about how some parents are simply “one and done”. I am part of this club and this article really resonated with me. Thank you for writing it, Cheryl Black.

  2. I hear ya and absolutely agree it’s a personal decision. I’m a mother of two adults now and I felt the same way after having my first child. What changed my mind was talking with my cousin, who is an only child and who’s husband is also an only child. Shortly after my first child was born I jokingly said to her, “It wasn’t so bad growing up as an only child was it?” She told me it wasn’t bad as a child but it’s very hard as an adult. She’s cared for her mother-in-law, her father and her mother with the support of her husband but wishes she had a sibling to share the experience with..

    My father was sick at the time and it made me think how grateful I was to have my sister for emotional support. Since then we’ve gone through a great deal of pain and grief over our parents’ illnesses, loss and estate issues and we’re both so glad we have each other.

    My own daughters are dealing with a lot of emotional and life issues, and even though they didn’t get along at all during their childhood and teen years, they are extremely close now and are in constant contact providing each other with support, love and humor as they navigate through their twentieth decade. So I’m very glad that I decided to go ahead and have a second child, especially since that second child is such an amazing person who has enriched my world and made me grow in ways I could never have imagined.

    • Thank you for sharing Claire. No matter what decisions we make about our family, we can all agree they are personal choices.

  3. Thank you for the comment Alyson! I wrote it and sat on it for two weeks…I knew it needed to be just right and comments like yours make me feel that I hit the nail on the head.

  4. Thank you so much for sharing! I love your simple answer- it suggests fulfillment rather than lack- when people ask me why we won’t have another child, I often think about how we don’t have a lot of money and we didn’t have a lot of support when my daughter was born- but those suggest lacking- we have never felt more complete and happy than we do as a family of 3. That is our simple answer- and reading your story makes me less afraid to share my thoughts.

    • Jennifer – thank you for your comments! To know I made someone less afraid…sheesh – such a compliment! THANK YOU!

  5. Thank you so much for writing this article. We are a one-and-done family and I get so frustrated with the, “When are you having another,” or, “You have to give that child a sibling,” comments. People really do look at me like I have three heads! We are happy the way we are, like being able to give our one child all of our attention, and my husband and I appreciate that we have time for each other.

    • Rachel, I have the same frustrations! That was part of my initial motivation. “Maybe if I declare it on the internet, the questions will slow down.” I say that half in jest and half in earnest. I really did want a platform to declare it once and for all instead of repeatedly.

  6. I literally want to stand up and applaud you for writing this.
    I myself was part of the one and done crowd and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.
    This article literally took the words our of my mouth a to what my life is like wit my 4 year old and when the question comes up when are you having another?
    We are rocking at life is the absolute best way to put it!!!

    • Christina, thank you! I really appreciate your comment. I feel there are many families like ours for whom one kiddo is perfectly perfect.


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