Before we begin, I adore my kids. If my husband is my #1, there is no question that they are my #1.25, #1.5, and #1.75. One day I’ll write another article titled “Why I Love My 3 Sons More Than Everyone Else EXCEPT FOR My Husband”. Ok?!? So just know that my children are loved, and don’t judge me, and don’t write a bunch of mean comments about what a cold-hearted mom I am. Now. Moving on.

To my husband….I tried really hard to keep this from being mushy and sappy (I could have gone SO mushy and SO sappy. Recognize that. Appreciate it. Be relieved).

So here, in no particular order, are the reasons Why I Love My Husband More Than My Children:

– I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse my husband (and if he were to ask, I could simply tell him “not tonight”).

– The two of us were an “us” before the five of us were an “us”. He came first, and in my opinion, he should remain that way.

– My husband NEVER says, “I pooped. And it’s really messy. Can you PLEASE just wipe me this one time, and I’ll go back to wiping myself tomorrow? (True story).

– I CHOSE him, and he chose me. There is something special about that. God GAVE me my kids. I was BLESSED with kids. I chose TO HAVE kids. But I didn’t specifically, individually, hand-pick each one, based on how much I just genuinely like THEM. I did with my husband (and I would again in a heartbeat!)

– HE is my voice of reason. The calm to my storm. THEY are my storm.  (Beautiful little storms they are, but storms, nonetheless).

– Quite simply, he is, and pretty much always has been, my favorite person ever. Favorite Person Ever is a hard position to replace.

– Picking up the stray empty beer can he left out on the back patio is much preferable to picking up the stray sippy cup that rolled underneath the couch, and is now full of hard milk. Do you know what hard milk is? Exactly what it sounds like. Milk that isn’t even liquid anymore.

– He is my teammate. My partner. We work TOGETHER to love our kids well, raise our kids well, teach our kids well, and enjoy our kids well. But it is HE who remains my partner…not them.

-He puts me first. They put me last. Oh, how they put me last! “Mama doesn’t need to pee, poop, eat or sleep! Just feed me NOW!” says my newborn (Was I that selfish when I was a newborn?? I mean, seriously).

– This verse from the Bible: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” No where does it ever say I am to become “one flesh” with my children. Plus….if all goes well…my little men are going to leave THEIR father and mother one day (mother…that’s me! Sob sob), and my husband is who I will be left with. Better make sure I love him best.

– “They” (the kids) have RUINED my already, not-that-impressive boobs. HE (contrary to what he may say) is going to be the one who is going to (pay to) FIX my boobs. Unless I change my mind about that.

– He is my best friend. They are my babies. My little loves. My responsibilities.  My JOB. Blessings. Amazing gifts, designed by God. My heart, walking around on three little sets of legs, yes. But… they aren’t my best friends. They aren’t who I go to relax with, laugh with, vent to, unwind with, and dream with. He is.

– Convincing my husband to take a nap is never a battle. He’s an obedient little guy.

– He looks at me, sees “end of my rope/going crazy/sliding right off of the Sanity Precipice” in my eyes, and swoops in to save. They look at me, see “end of my rope/going crazy, sliding right off the Sanity Precipice” in my eyes, and….they move in for the kill.

– He gave me them.



Do YOU love your husband more than your kids?




  1. We can not explain why we love. This article is nothing more than an attempt to rationalize something that comes from the limbic system. What I trying to say is: Firstly you have the feeling, then you try to justify this feeling. There are many mothers in the same situation, but they just don’t dare to say it loud. That said, we can go any further. Your current husband can be the most perfect guy in the world but, is your ex boyfriend the one you love most. Maybe your older son is a little sweet boy and although his brother is a really brat, your love for the younger one is greater. You can know for sure that there are a lot of people who love their spouses more than they love their kids, even if their spouses are not the parents of their kids, it is totally possible to happen.

  2. “Parental love” is what created and shaped all of us. Unlike romantic love it is unconditional and based on “sacrification”. And we learn to love someone which may be very different than us. Romantic love is infact based on “our needs”. We love our partner if he / she continue to make us happy. Very very really very few romantic love requiring one way sacrification can continue 18-24 years. Only parental love can survive this. Sacrification is what makes world more beautiful. As human kind we can not continue with out parental love raising children but we can find a way of living with out romantic love. So parental love is much more precious / beautiful than romantic love.

    • Parental love does shape us, but what created us was the love or “romantic love” between our parents, an important fact that you neglect to mention or acknowledge.

      I hope you realise that a relationship between a man and a woman, gay couple, is not just based on “romantic love” right? It starts from there, but eventually it evolves into something deeper, more deep than an infuation, even before marraige.
      According to the writer, it’s not just romantic love that she wants to be with her husband, but among other things like religious beliefs, ideals, wanting to actually keep the promise of being together(marriage). You speak as if she is high school teenager falling in love for the first time and letting herself be clouded by it.

      Wih all due respect, sir, when it comes to our needs, I think your perspective is a little twisted or at least need some adjustments; or just need to take more things to account. Let us speak on the facts here.
      “Romantic love” is just purely to describe the act of you falling/being in love with someone and their qualities, whether it’s their physical appearance or characteristics or something else. It is not “based on our needs”, that is a relationship issue, a topic on how to substain a relationship, how a person perceive a relationship should run, etc. “I want more attention from my partner”, “my spouse does not help me enough with the housework or the kids”, “we don’t have enough sex”—It has as much to do to with “romantic love” as someone as a parent complaining about how their children are ungrateful to them and associating it to “parental love” with whatever logic.
      If you still don’t understand my point, I will clarify now. You are associating with HOW TO substain “Romantic love” with WHAT IS “Romantic love”. Those are actually two different topics. You are attempting to describe what is “Romantic love” by describing what substains it—the very foundation of your point here is already entirely wrong. I do understand your point though, the “conditions” of “Romantic love” isn’t very valuable compared to those(or lack thereof) of parental love….well I’ll touch on that last.

      “And we learn to love someone which maybe very different than us” and how does this not imply for the person falling someone else, not of their blood, at first was a stranger that you did not know existed? Do you understand—among all this talk about the specific loves—that this also how people come to be in relationships? Here’s some perspective for you. Two different people meet each other, not owning anything to each other, but falling in love with whatever qualities they have, noticing that there are differences between you two and learning to accept them and still want to start/try a relationship. How is that not the same as loving someone entirely different than yourself? How is being in a relationship and learning the differences between yourself and your partner and accepting or working on those differences(if they choose to) not learning to love someone different than yourself? Being in love for someone and who they are and loving someone for who they are maybe two different things, but at the end of the day—they are both learning to love someone different than themselves.
      I believe you are being slightly narrow minded in your statement here and thus unfair. Many couples had to go through many differences and are still trying to go through it to this day.

      “We love our partner if he/she continues to make us happy”. That is a gross oversimplification, because on one hand, you are correct that we stay in relationships because our partner make us happy, but on the other hand relationships are also about compromise; so both parties are happy. A relationship that is based on Romantic love can also bring that about—it is not as selfish as you think or trying to make it out to be.

      You are being way too general and assuming with “Very very really very few romantic love requiring one way sacrification can continue 18-24 years. Only parental love can survive this” Firstly, what are the context? Shouldn’t context matter? This is too much of a loose statement.
      A boyfriend that is always sacrificing for the ungrateful girlfriend? A Wife that has to take care of the completely paralyzed Husband, the latter not being able to give anything back because of his condition? If the wife were to leave after 18-24 years because of the lack of romantic love then the issue would be the wife not wanted to fulfill her promise of marriage rather than the weakness of Romantic love(which you are touching on). Imagine being cheated on constantly and then seeing the trend, you claim all couples are like that and say something along lines of “love between couples are weak and false”, and not touching on the cheaters—who are the actual problem. You look in the general view of things without taking in the fact that all situations have different circumstances. Yes, a lot of couples where there is romantic love that requires one way sacrification don’t last, but there are a lot of reasons, Some of the reasons are just pure selfish or unjusitified in the first place and has nothing to do with “romantic love”.
      Secondly, in regards to the survivability of “parental love”, how often, do you truly believe, a father or mother can take, lets say; constant verbal abuse, disrespect; along with no love from the child? How “perfect” or “untouchable” do you truly believe “parental love” is that It can withstand every form or maximum abuse? I’m not going to say a parent will completely lose the love or the feeling of the need to sacrifice for the child. I’m just saying, as stated before, your entire point here needs more context.

      Sacrification is what makes the world beautiful? Agreed, and let us not act as if couples don’t sacrifice for each other. As a matter of fact, whichever is stronger, your relationship with your spouse and child are probably the two relationships which require the most sacrifice and compromise and here you are acting like it’s just for the child. You are really disrespecting a lot of couples right now who thrived to grow together through hardship.

      Nice sentiment on the human kind part. It is quite skewered, however. Because you ignore the fact that a lot of people in the world first find love and then have children. If people were to have the perspective that one can live without “romantic love” or just put it plainly, live without the need to have someone in their life, the need for children also goes down—and mind you, no one is going to have children for the sake of the preservation of the human race— because in this age, majority of people want to find someone to love first and then have children later or even if they want children primarily, they still would want to find a potential supportive partner or spouse first. On a side note, It is arguable to say we can’t live without romantic love either, because that is where it starts, first people find love and then have children, again, just a side note.

      There are reasons for Romantic love being the most precious/beautiful too. Like? Because unlike loving your child, sibling, parent—there is no blood, no obligation, absolutely no reason to love that human being, yet, we do, we do not need to do, but we do and we want them in our life; we want to promise our life to them, to be be together forever. We can choose anyone to spend the rest of our life with and who to have children with—and we choose that person. We raise the future with this person as a team.
      If you want a reason that is for “Human kind” then “romantic love” is most precious/beautiful because that is where that is starts, where it hangs, where it originates, etc. Children were made because the parents found each other and loved each other, children are raised to—besides making a good life for themselves—find another person to love and then have children, and the process repeats.

      In any case, what makes/build a couple/relationship is not “romantic love” but genuine love. Love that makes you love the person, care for the person, sacrifice for the person; all that expecting nothing back. That is true genuine love, not just for couples like your partner or spouse, but for anyone.
      This is my truest opinion.

  3. You can also love one of your kids more than the others. But never confess that. For being so honest you must be a little “sociopath”. What if your husband would tell that : I love you so so much but i love another woman more than you. You would probably go mad and feel unloved. Your kids probably feel same.

    • You do realise that is infidelity issue right? I know your point is you should be outspoken on who you love more, but still, that really isn’t a good example

  4. I feel like it’s okay to love them differently, maybe it’s the way she wrote this but kinda harsh for the kids if they ever read this. I definitely love my son in a totally different, I would save him over my husband (and want my husband to do the same over me)
    I also don’t fully see my husband as my pick me up, end all to my personal unhappiness, as the writer seems to. We are a team but still a lot of self inner work goes on.

  5. Sorry to say but you have it wrong, your husband is human and that honeymoon love does not last and it becomes a work in progress, along with your kids who you created and birthed and did all the things for. There are too many women who think the fairytale story of the knight in shining armor is true and that “he” or any he can save them or be a safety net, and that is sad and a bad thing to teach our kids. Put the kids first right next to the husband as far as respect and love otherwise, you are seriously shortchanging the kids of the truth of life lessons, husbands die, leave, or wane in their many initial attractions you may have seen — your children will, if you are there for THEM will always be THERE for you, the same cannot be said for the other, who may have created them with you *sperm donor* or adopted them with you however, the children and child knows who does the heavy lifting and will always respect MOM for all she has done for them, so be careful of what you are putting out there to, especially your girls, they need a great life partner, not a savior or a safety net, as you seem to allude to. Yes, you chose each other at a certain point in life however life moves on and changes as will your husband and you shall too. Be very careful, again of what you are sharing as advice or opinion not based on statistics or facts of what marriages face and end up as.


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