What Will Your Kids Say About You?
Picture this: It’s like 20 years from now. Your kids are all grown up. They are on a first date. Or in some sort of discussion group setting. Or they are talking to their therapist (God forbid they are talking to their therapist about YOU), and this question is posed to them, “So, what was your mom like when you were growing up?”.
I don’t know why I pictured that scenario this evening, but I did (when I pictured it, my son was on a date. Probably with a girl I won’t like). Anyway, I can tell you exactly how I HOPE he would be able to answer that question, and I can also tell you how I think he WOULD answer it, based on my CURRENT brand of mothering.
Let’s start with the bad, and get that over with. Here is what I think he would say based on my current mothering:
“Always kind of frazzled. Always rushed. Impatient. Stressed. Always seemed like we were wearing her out. Pulled a million different directions. Always feeling guilty ABOUT being frazzled, rushed, impatient and stressed, and always trying to compensate for it. Didn’t spend enough time just being goofy and having fun with us”.
Ugh. I actually am on the verge of tears just writing that.
But…I think in order to improve at anything, it is important to know:
1) Where you are
2) Where you want to go
So…drying up the tears, and moving on to what I would LIKE for him to be able to say:
First Date Girl: “So, what was your mom like growing up?”
Darling Boy of Mine: “She loved being a mom of three boys. She played with us a ton, was always willing to be goofy, be silly, and get dirty. She was ok with us being loud. She ran the household smoothly. She had things well-organized and under-control, so things at home always seemed pretty calm. She enjoyed us, and we enjoyed her. She laughed a lot. She wasn’t bothered easily. She was firm when she needed to be. She taught us well. She showed us how to be real men. She gave us her full attention, and never seemed distracted. She was ALWAYS there for us”.
This is a simple exercise, that I highly recommend for every mom to do. Picture your kids describing you one day, and then decide whether or not you are ok with that description.
If you are not, take a big sigh of relief, and be glad that they are still at home with you, they AREN’T talking to their therapist yet, and you DO still have time to become the mom that you want to be.
If your ideal description and your real description already match up perfectly, well….by all means… PLEASE share your wisdom and insight in the comments below!