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My Devoted Mother,

You were right.

You always said I’d understand how much you love me once I became a mom. Seven short weeks ago, in the middle of a hospital room with adrenaline pumping through my veins and my husband by my side, I took one look at the miracle we created and a wave of holy-sh*t-he’s-here-and-he’s-mine emotions poured out of me. The pure joy I felt when I saw him, touched him, kissed him and snuggled him for the first time will be forever etched on my heart and in my brain. It was a feeling I can only describe as… indescribable. I now realize it is what is referred to as “a mother’s love.”

When I originally thought about writing this letter to you, I really thought I’d end up apologizing for all the drama my high school self put you through. Like how I’m sorry about the time my brother and I threw that party when you were out of town and the family dog ended up drunk off of red wine. Or the time you came home to find your 17-year-old daughter with a tongue ring she got in Deep Ellum with a fake ID.

But the truth is, this letter is more than the thousand apologies I owe you. This letter is one of understanding. We now share a bond that will only make our relationship stronger. Now I know when you say “I love you” to me, it comes from a deep rooted place that has been growing since you first held me 30 years ago.

That’s the thing about this “mother’s love.” As overwhelming as that feeling was 7 weeks ago for me, it has only intensified with each passing moment – you’ve been fiercely loving me like that for thirty YEARS. That’s a hell of a lot of passing moments.

I knew that becoming a mom would present challenges: very little sleep, pain and sacrifices associated with breastfeeding, a steep decline in my social life, physical changes in my body, and unavoidable changes in my marriage. These may have seemed like big things before I understood a mother’s love. Now, each challenge simply pails in comparison to the enrichment my life has now just because he exists. That’s how you feel about me, isn’t it?

Just the thought that this is how you feel too, completely overwhelms me. So, while the words don’t do it justice, let me say thank you for the deep, unconditional, supportive, kind, forgiving love you’ve been showering me with since Day 1.

Ask me again if I know how much you love me. This time I do.

“A mother’s love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever.”

All my love,

Your devoted daughter

 

 

 

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