There is no way to fathom how much your lifestyle changes after having a baby until it actually changes in real life. Until you have that baby in your arms and are doing everything you can to make sure that sweet little bundle thrives in the best way possible {or lets be honest, just stays alive, in the very beginning}. So it’s no wonder that friendships tend to take a backseat in those first few weeks, and then hit a bumpy patch after that trying to reconnect and figure out how and if you fit together.

Really though, you need friends more after having a baby than ever before. You need a support system and not one that just supports you as a mother, but one that allows you escape being a mother as well. Crazy right, the thought of escaping being a mom after you’ve hoped and prayed and wished to become one for so long, or maybe not so long. But you will need those escapes.

My best advice to any expecting or brand new mamas out there is to not seclude yourself. Reach out to friends. Invite them over, call them, keep them in your lives, maybe reach out that one neighbor that seems really cool. You need them, and they will most likely need you if not in that moment then at some point down the road. They are important for so many reasons. Here are some types of great friendships, new and old, and how they can fit with your new life after baby.

  • The Experienced Moms – These are the friends that have had kids already, and wondered why you were waiting so darn long to join the party. They know what it’s like. They offer you hand me downs and really great {and occasionally not so great} advice. They are great friends to have because they understand how this whole thing works, and can help you through it if {more like when} you need help. You may already have a few of these friends, but if not you can find them at playgrounds, daycare, moms groups, lots of places.
  • The Just Like You Moms – These lovely ladies are you. They have new babies and just want someone to talk to. Some one they can relate to and make sure they aren’t crazy with. You meet them at daycare, work, playgroup, the gym, any where really. There is nothing like bonding with another mother that knows your struggle and can relate on every level. It’s calming and reassuring.
  • The Sisters, Cousins, Aunts – These friends are family and easy to find. They have more of a genuine love for you and your new little babe. They want to be there for you and help you through things. They will be one of your biggest support systems {most likely} after having the baby.
  • The Non-Moms – These are the friends that don’t have kids yet or don’t want kids ever. They can handle you being a mom and provide you with a sense of who you were before baby, and bring it back to you in fleeting moments. They love your kid {or at least pretend to} because they love and value you. They whisk you away for a few hours at a time to give you a break from the craziest job in the world. Being a mother. These are more likely the friends you had pre-baby. Now it’s just a matter of trying to hang out with them after baby.
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They’ll not only have wine with you, but your kiddo too!
  • Your Mom – This is probably the one friend I had after my son was born that I don’t know if I would have survived without. She was the one person I could count on to help me no matter what. She didn’t judge me {or at least didn’t judge me out loud} and just helped me do things that my exhaustion wasn’t allowing me to do. She talked me down when I was in hysterics, she calmed me when I was freaking out over nothing and she took care of my household many times so I could just simply sleep. My mom has always been someone I considered a friend, but after baby came I realized she is the truest friend I will ever have. I owe her more than I can ever repay in this lifetime, and she’s okay with that. That is damn good friend.
  • Last but not least, Your Husband/Life Partner – This really is probably the most important friend of all. This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. And they chose you too. It is so easy to neglect this friend {with benefits} after having a child. Your focus wanders and time runs short and for the love of god you are SO TIRED, but this person is probably the one friend you need the most. Don’t stop focusing on and nurturing this friendship after baby joins the party.

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  1. I’ve read two of your blogs, and I’m hooked! I’m a new mom and sometimes I Feel like my emotions run rampant. I have thoughts and experiences to all of the above that you listed…so in reality I have a huge support system! Some days I feel like I’m a whole new person though and reading that other moms like yourself are thinking the same thing…? It’s SO comforting. Thank you for writing this =)


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