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Bringing home a new baby is an exciting, joy-filled time, unless of course, you are the little one suddenly bumped up to Big Kid Status and left feeling like your whole world has been rocked.

While some children readily leap into the role of older sibling, others need a bit more time to adjust. Having had one child who owned his role from day one, and then another who wasn’t convinced that we really needed that third baby, I have realized that every child experiences the rites of siblinghood in their own, unique way. Whether it is gleefully, kicking and screaming, or with fretful apprehension, all children can benefit from support when a family makes the (wonderful) decision to grow.

Are you planning to make your One-and-Only-Babe a Big Kid? Here are a few ideas to help peacefully ease through the transition:

  • Start Preparing During Pregnancy: Like most adults, kids appreciate a heads up on big changes. Even before your belly is fully bloomed, you can have gentle talks with your little one about their new baby (when you feel comfortable and aren’t worried about them announcing it, of course.) Read books about bringing home a new baby or point out other big siblings you know. Use these moments as opportunities to discuss the ways that life might change, while assuring your child of the many ways life will stay the same. Even if your little one is young, don’t discount the safe haven that honest dialogue can provide.
  • Make Celebrating The Pregnancy a Family Affair: Children, even young ones, will sense Mom and Dad’s excitement. Instead of allowing this to become a source of resentment, include Big Kid in the celebration! Bring them to an ultrasound and marvel together at baby’s heartbeat. Have family discussions about baby’s name possibilities. (And get ready to laugh – we had a “Rainbow Dreamer,” “Dumptruck,” and “Flower in the Wind” thrown into the mix!) Let your little help make decorations for your shower/gender reveal. Shop for baby’s nursery items together. Throughout this, remember to share stories of how you did these same things to celebrate Big Kid — show them their sonogram pictures or baby shower scrapbook — and emphasize your joy that you are now doing the celebrating together!
  • Attend a Big Brother/Big Sister Class: These are worth attending if your hospital/birthing center offers them. Not only will Big Kid learn handy things, like how to help change a diaper, they will also learn invaluable safety tips, like keeping Legos safely put away and using gentle hands to love on baby. Emerging from the class full of pride (ours even had a closing ceremony with “Big Bro/Sis certificates!), your child will feel confident and special. If your sibling is too young to attend a class (most are geared for ages 3+), no worries – see the next tip!

Big Brother Practicing Diaper Change

  • Give Your Big Kid a Baby Doll to Care For: Our baby doll was passed on from my sister-in-law and both of my big brothers LOVED it! The baby can be used during pregnancy to roleplay and practice, and when your newborn comes home, it provides a lovely opportunity for Big Kid to mirror you when your hands are occupied. Changing the baby? Set up a changing area for Big Kid to change hers. Nursing the baby? Let Big Kid sit beside you and feed his. Babywearing and your older one is feeling left out? Tie the doll up in a scarf and let Big Kid babywear, too. A baby of their own can offer wonderful sibling involvement when your newborn is still too fragile for big brother bear-hugs.

Big Brother Babywear

  • Pick a Special Book/Song for Big Kid to Read/Sing to Baby: Let this be a picture book that ONLY Big Kid gets to read/narrate to baby. You can begin while baby is still growing in mama’s belly, and explain that when baby arrives, she will know her big brother’s voice and enjoy listening to the book. Or, if your little is too young to enjoy books alone, choose a nursery rhyme that only she gets to sing to baby. There is nothing cuter than a toddler singing Twinkle, Twinkle to mama’s belly, except of course, a toddler singing to her snuggly, sweet newborn!
  • Prepare for All of the Time Spent Feeding Baby: Set up a special bin for Big Kid to enjoy when mama is feeding. Fill it with a few new books, stickers, activities, and simple art supplies. Just make sure everything is easy enough to manage independently. (It is extra special if this bin only comes out during baby’s feeding time.) Add a few fun, new shows to your Netflix queue, if you feel so inclined. (Let’s be real, a little Netflix never hurt anybody!)
  • Play the Imagine Game: It can be a bit of a letdown when Big Kid realizes that baby isn’t an automatic playmate. During all that time spent nursing, daydream together about what fun adventures the siblings will share when baby gets older. Will they be ninja warriors? (A lot of that going on in my home, currently.) Hide-and-seek experts? Princesses on a mission to save the world? The possibilites of fun to be had are endless. You can even help your little draw a simple picture book of all she plans to do when baby is a big girl, too.
  • Set Aside Time to Connect with Big Kid: I know. Postpartum is exhausting, but even just ten minutes of one-on-one time can help ease any doubts your child may be having. It can be as simple as pulling them into your lap and sharing a moment of  connection. One of my favorite reassuring phrases to share with my children is: “I have enough room in my lap and enough love in my heart for everyone.” And my go-to equalizer phrase is: “You’re my only Theo/Phoenix/Lyric, and you are special to me because (fill in wonderful qualities here).” It is amazing what a few kind words can do for our children.
  • Validate Feelings: Above all, know that even if you do everything to prepare, it is okay — normal, even — if your new sibling is having a hard time. This doesn’t mean that the beautiful, sibling bond you are eager to cultivate won’t form, it simply means they need some time to nurture it and let it grow. Listen to your child. Validate their emotions by saying things like, “I see that you are angry that I cannot play right now,” or, “You feel sad that mama is holding your sister.” Allow your child the space to explore their feelings and the support to navigate through them. Together, you will make it through this transition.

Though it can be a daunting journey to travel through the rites of siblinghood, the giggles, camaraderie and deeply special love awaiting on the other side are a treasure worth metamorphosing for.

Sibling Love

Have you promoted a child to big kid status?

What helped your child to enjoy the new baby?

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