Let’s Bridge The Mom Divide.
Hey there, Dear Mommas! I want to let you in on a little secret that’s been changing the way I think about my kids and my parenting decisions.
Here it is: there is LITERALLY a study to back up anything you want to believe in the world. Any decision you want to make. Any belief you want to hold. There is a study, a group of people, a news article or opinion column, or psychologist to help you justify your decisions.
For instance, do you want to homeschool? Go Google, “Why Homeschool is Best,” and you will find 1.5 million logical reasons why homeschool is the “best” option for you and your children. There’s also a corresponding article for why you should send your kids to public school.
Want to go back to work? Google it. You will find encouragement that upholds that decision. Want to stay at home? There’s a Facebook group for that.
Name your issue, hot-button or not: Vaccines. Breastfeeding. School. Sleep training. Prescription Medication. Attachment parenting. Staying at Home or Working. Diet and food choices. Screen time. Take your pick. There are people out there defending their side (and your side) to the death.
As moms, we are put in a position where we have to make really hard decisions that affect our children. There’s something about being in that position of responsibility that makes us crave a feeling of safety about the choices we make. This is why we often consult Google or like-minded friends — because should we not otherwise be convinced we are making the right choices, we can find some confirmation out there that gives us peace.
Why do you think moms especially are SO quick to defend of our parenting choices? Why do you think we are so quick to criticize those on the other side? It’s because deep down, we are afraid that we have got it wrong. It stems from an inner-insecurity. Somewhere along the way, we stopped trusting that it’s okay to disagree, to not to have it all figured out, or to change our minds along the way. So we choose sides, attach ourselves to external labels, and we find security in those. We can’t cope when people differ from us because it threatens our own identity.
It takes some wisdom and maturity to realize that as many reasons as you can come up with to justify your decisions, there is someone else out there with equally as many reasons to do exactly the opposite of what you are doing. When someone arrives at this realization, they are freed to understand that it’s not necessarily LOGIC that drives their choices, but a combo of logic, desire, and conditioning. There is always logic on both sides of the same choice, whether you understand the “other side” or not.
Here’s a call to action, Mommas. Let’s bridge the gap. Let’s stop being afraid of moms who are different than us. Can we get over our own insecurities and take a step towards one another in an effort to listen and understand? Maybe we can detach ourselves from our opinions and choices and learn to see things from someone else’s point of view? I think we might realize we have more in common than anyone of us realizes.