dear-uninvited-mom

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt that way. ::raises hands:: Listen, I know how it feels to be the uninvited mom, and I also know how it feels to be the person doing the inviting and no one shows up. It sucks! I said it. Now, bear with me while I tell you how all those reasons you’ve just told yourself that ‘it’s me’, ‘no one cares about me’ or how you feel so insignificant or important… All of that is WRONG.

You are awesome. You are fun. You are beautiful. You are loved. That’s it. I could stop this article right there, and it should be enough! But we both know it’s not. We all need to feel loved in many ways. Love from our spouse and children is the absolute best love in the world (next to our mom’s of course! Hey mama!), but love from other women is so uplifting and empowering. That’s friend love. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you have much of it, does it? I get that!

Staying at home with the kids can feel so isolating. I crave interaction with other moms and adults. It is so hard to put yourself out there. I joined some mom groups. Started a direct sales business in the hopes of being able to network and just find my person. The truth is that my mom and sister are “my people,” but they live five hours away. My other person lives a few states away, and we can rarely connect. But when we do, it’s like no time has passed at all! Can I please find someone like that here!?! Please! Why is it so hard to make a friend? It doesn’t look that hard for others… Have you had those thoughts too?

Feeling left out from “mom dates” is the worst feeling ever. If you are like me, all you dream of is a night to just be you. You know, that person who likes to go to the movies or enjoy a Starbucks treat or window shopping or eating a meal you didn’t have to cook or isn’t served from a box. So when you see those other moms you know, or want to know better, posting their girls night out or get together pictures, you can’t help but let your heart sink because you weren’t invited. You may know every single person in that group, but yet there they are dressed up with makeup on and laughing! And there you are on your couch in two-day old pajamas, unbrushed hair and the dream of getting out. Of course it hurts your feelings a little bit, but here’s why it shouldn’t:

  • That one night out you see all over social media took those moms months to plan with everyone’s schedules constantly changing.
  • The one mom in the picture who you really wish you could connect deeper with, really DOES want to know you better too. She’s just stretched so thin, she had to say no to your invite but really wants you to keep inviting her!
  • As fun as that picture looks, those moms are actually working. They’re all apart of the “xyz” committee for school function 100.
  • Those moms are laughing in that photo because they can’t freaking believe they are out alone with no one climbing on them or asking them to scratch a foot. Or maybe they are laughing because the minute they all arrived every single one of them got a call or text about the “crisis” at home!
  • That photo of the moms grabbing coffee together… total last minute decision when they bumped into each other at soccer practice. The entire meetup lasted 10 minutes and just long enough to snap a selfie.

I could keep going, but the point is that you don’t know the circumstances. We often get stuck in this cycle of comparison and negativity. You aren’t wrong for feeling that way. It’s normal, but I don’t want it to be my normal. It takes a conscious effort to look past feelings of rejection or disappointment. Change the way you perceive those moms night out photos you aren’t in. Think about their circumstances when you start to feel your heart sink. Don’t look at yourself. Look at them. Think about how awesome it is that they were able to step away. Go on and wish you were there! But next time, be there.

Create your own events. Tell those moms who post the pictures how fun it looks & you’d love to join them when they do it again. Maybe you’ll get the next invite. But more importantly, know that they probably didn’t leave you out on purpose. Chances are that someone has felt that way about you too when they were left out. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, and when the opportunity for an escape arises, do you blame her for taking it!?! I don’t!

1 COMMENT

  1. It’s the single people who are more likely to get uninvited and left out, or only invited for a specific time after everyone else is consulted carefully on availability.

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