#somom

Not every girl goes to bed with dreams of rainbows, unicorns and babies. Nope, I legitimately couldn’t tell you what baby fever feels like. Of course I wanted kids, one day, my husband too, but man, there was just so much happening in life sans baby that thought of an entirely new dynamic was terrifying. Plus, after being pummeled by family on the subject for years, my entire outlook of kids was faced with cynicism, to the point where I became snappy toward individuals innocently inquiring about our future family plans. I mean, we had been married for more than four years. Kids were coming, right?

Yes, it did happen, and now I can’t believe my baby is turning one. What a difference a year makes. This past year has been a wild journey transforming from selfish to #somom.

Don’t get me wrong, there is still plenty of selfishness that lingers. Every once in awhile I get a twinge for that “used to be” life, though it tends to appear more when it comes to things like working out, versus other things like missing a friend’s birthday at the bar. But even if I get the chance to get away, turning off for a few hours, maybe even a few days, just isn’t the same. At the end of the day, I’m still a mom, with a whole new set of worries, fears and responsibilities that follow me every second of the day.

A co-worker once told me she couldn’t remember what her life was like before kids. She said it had nothing to do with losing her identity to motherhood, but everything to do with transitioning from selfish – traveling, focused on her own agenda – to mom. I was pregnant at the time, and it was odd to hear that. Wouldn’t I yearn for my selfish life? What I learned very quickly, though, is that it doesn’t take long at all to transition into parenthood, a completely new stage in life.

Sounds a little dull, but major reveal – it is. Parenting is as cliche as cliche can get. Amazing, hard, rewarding, challenging, busy, extra work, etc. And yup, worth every penny. BE STILL MY HEART. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t lost my identity. I have not gone from Kendra to just Mom, more like Kendra is now a mom.

I’m serious, this whole personal agenda, identity crisis was the biggest mental hurdle for me, even before getting pregnant. I clung to hope from a fellow self-proclaimed selfish friend. She said she used to be the most selfish person ever and her family could never imagine her having kids. And now? She’d have ALL the kids, if she could.

I may have shed a few tears when our pregnancy test showed positive. (It came a bit sooner than expected.) And I definitely spent the full nine months mentally preparing for this whole mom thing. But when our son came, my normally non-mushy self cried instant tears of joy. Most magical feeling in the world. (I warned you, cliche!)

The reality is that it doesn’t matter what your agenda is. It doesn’t matter how selfish you are. It really doesn’t matter how much you’re able to keep up your pre-baby life after baby. The reality is that at the end of the day you are now a mom, and no matter how tough or challenging it can be, you’d never pick your old self over your new self. Being a mom is so rewarding, and you might not realize how fulfilling it really is till you’re actually there. And that’s ok!

You can be the cool mom, the soccer mom, the working mom, the stay-at-home mom, the extrovert mom, the introvert mom, the all-natural mom, the whatever mom. Any way, you’re a mom with a little human giving you a whole new purpose to life. A little human that you love fiercely.

You’ll look back on that selfish life of yours, miss it just a hair, and unforgivingly smile at your now #somom self.

Mourn your pre-baby self as much as you need. I promise you won’t miss as much as you think!

Kendra Germenis
Kendra joined the mom club in 2016, followed by the #boymom club in Summer 2019. Kendra loves to write, and for AMB, enjoys sharing her new parent experiences, tips, and general love of Austin. For her, life is a balance of spending quality time with her family, pursuing her program management career, and still soaking up life and adventures. She also freelances through her art and design shop, Kitsy Co. Assorted loves: art, date nights, culture, road trips, Bravo, breweries, chocolate, house remodeling, sunshine, live music and patios.

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