On Friday, my near 1-year-old son had a stomach bug and stayed home from school. On Saturday, my daughter caught the same bug. I was resenting that my husband was busy working in Oahu, and I was home with two sick kiddos.
Then I got a text from him, “Ballistic Missile Threat Inbound to Hawaii. Seek Immediate Shelter. This is Not a Drill.” Well…that’s scary to say the least. And the resentment, of course, vanished.
For quick Googling and checking on Twitter, we figured out it was a false alarm, but with me always fearing the worst, it was disheartening to think if it was reality.
You see although my husband travels for work a ton, he is truly is my partner in parenting. I don’t know what I would do without him.
Recently a friend posted an article about emotional labor in a relationship, and reading it I could honestly say my husband is a partner with equal initiative. I loved him tremendously before we become parents, but seeing him as a dad has only solidified that I am “lucky” to have him.
Now I don’t think it’s fair to say “lucky” but I know in so many relationships, women have to beg their husbands to go rock their baby at night or “babysit” at night so they can go have a girls night. Sadly, I know parenting equal responsibilities are still not the norm so that’s why I feel “lucky.”
However, I feel as generational norms continue to shift in a positive direction women shouldn’t be “lucky” if their husband is willing to put their child to bed to change a diaper, it should be a group effort. If you turn it around you would never hear the reverse. For example, no man is “lucky” that his wife feeds their baby a bottle or makes school lunches — someone has to do it, and it should be both parents taking on the work equally. Luck shouldn’t have anything to do with it if its a conscious effort that should be done by both parents.
I’m glad my daughter will see what it means for a husband to carry weight in a parenting relationship. By then I’m hopeful she doesn’t have to feel “lucky” about it, but it has become the social norm.
