Ever meet those moms or other adults who make you feel like a mom-failure? Whenever this happens, I can’t help but think about an old Saturday Night Live skit that Dana Carvey used to do called, “Church Lady.” He dressed in a high-necked cardigan, a helmet-haired wig, and glasses, and sat in a church office while passing (hilarious) judgment on unsuspecting “sinners,” ending each statement with, “Well, isn’t that special?” I’ve wanted to say this many times whenever I’ve been judged or heard an outrageous and/or poorly timed brag.
I’ve compiled a list of the top ten judgiest/braggiest things we’ve ever heard here at Austin Moms Blog:
1. “My daughter learned how to potty train when she was 18 months old,” (This was told to me in the midst of potty training my daughter and taking her to the potty every 30 minutes in the hopes of inspiring her to tinkle in it).
Yeah. Freaking. Right.
2. “We don’t watch TV.” Or, “We don’t have time to watch TV.”
Sorry, we’re no longer friends. Don’t have enough time [*shrugs shoulders*].
3. “We don’t give our kids rewards. Ever.”
What kind of dreary upbringing are you giving this child? No treats, stickers, hugs, high-fives ever? All work and no reward make Jack and Jane dull kids.
4. “Oh, I only use disposable diapers when I’m feeling really LAZY.” (this, while changing my son’s disposable diaper next to another mom)
Oh, I have three kids, so, “lazy” is exactly the way I’d describe my life…
5. “It’s so strange. Whenever Grandpa and I have the boys, they don’t fight at all. We just simply tell them ‘that’s not allowed’, and that’s the end of that. Easy…” (my mother-in-law, at least weekly, when she’s witnessing my boys bickering).
Well, aren’t you special, Grammy!!!
6. “I don’t diet. The baby weight just comes right off!”
Right…it just disappears into Unicorn Land, which is where you’re probably from, right?
7. “You should put more effort into what you give your children for a snack and not just feed them junk so that you can comfortably and SELFISHLY go for a run.” (from a mom at the park watching my children snack while I was out running with them in the stroller)
You should SHUT UP!
8. “Does your doctor say the fumes are okay for the baby?” (from a stranger at the pedicure place)
What baby? Wait…is this belly bump a…“baby?” What the…? [*stares into the distance for the remainder of pedicure*].
9. “Oh, you’re having sleep troubles? My kids slept through the night since birth! I just put them to bed awake and left the room.” (this when I’ve had no sleep for weeks)
[*pulls baseball bat from the back of shirt and starts slapping it in hand in a threatening manner*] Yeah! You better RUN!
10. “You work? I just don’t know how you leave your child all day and miss so many things.”
[*Cockney accent*] You don’t work? Blimey! You must be one ‘a ‘dem fancies that lives at Downton! G’ Day, M’lady! Bid the Lord, “Good Morrow…”
Now, don’t get me wrong; I love getting good advice (whenever I ask for it), and I love to hear whenever my friends’ children are flourishing. These examples are mostly unsolicited and/or from rude strangers…bless their little hearts!
So, what’s the most outrageous brag or judgment you’ve heard?