Grandparent Mode: When your child has been exposed to copious amounts of sugar, entertainment, and/or screen time at the hands of extended family.
Anyone else feel like a dismissed babysitter when the grandparents show up to dote on the grandbabies? They bring shopping bags and gift bags of clothes, toys, and food I would never buy my kids, with every visit, for no reason. They celebrate every holiday, big and small, and send care packages if we haven’t seen them in awhile. When overindulgent grandparents are in charge, the kids are always “angels” and rarely give them trouble. Bedtime is flexible, dinner is wherever they want to go, and breakfast is donuts or pancakes.
The overindulgent grandparents may have returned to their house but the kids are well adjusted in grandparent mode. You spend the next 48 hours reprogramming your children back to normal expectations, which will include at least one tantrum and lots of whining.
So how do parents handle this situation? How do we stop the madness?!
We don’t.
As frustrating as it can be for your kids to be off schedule and sugared up, this a not a situation to “fix.” Your kids are LOVED! Children don’t need their grandparents to be disciplinarians or the screen time police. They need to play with them. They need to be hugged and cuddled and have donut icing wiped off their face by them. The memories and love that grandparents bring to children is irreplaceable and not something we, as parents, can provide. A loving extended family provides children with a sense of security and positive self-esteem. Why would we want to restrict the people who love them unconditionally?
Do I roll my eyes when my parents walk in with oodles of stuff for the kids? Yes. Do I give my husband side-eye when my father-in-law scoops up the two-year-old and plays with her instead of scolding her during a tantrum? Of course! But would I change any of it? Nope. I am not at ALL unaware of how lucky my kids are. I am so grateful for our relationships with our parents. They love us so beautifully and somehow love our kids, even more, I wouldn’t dare change a thing.
My mom and mother-in-law are gift givers, it’s one way they express their love. I can’t imagine asking either one of them to change to make it more convenient for me. My dad is a quality time guy, he has always enjoyed one-on-one time and likes to take the kids to the store or to breakfast and talk to them. Does it really matter that they got a milkshake with their Chicken Minis at 9am? (True story.)
Being a grandparent is one of the great joys of life. I can’t wait to spoil my grandkids and drive my all-grown-up kids nuts with it. A situation where I don’t have to put kids in time-out or teach them table manners but I still get all the love? Sounds like the best role ever! So I’m challenging you, let your parents and in-law’s love your kids the way they want. Trust me, its worth the tantrum.
