My daughter is almost nine years old. N-I-N-E. 

She is strong, independent, funny, smart, and caring. She doesn’t need help picking out clothes, brushing her hair, reading books, or really doing much of anything. I’m not sure when it happened, but she even puts on her own band-aids.

The love that I knew how to give isn’t necessary anymore. She doesn’t need me in the same way and that is killing me. 

No, I don’t want to hover over her or watch her every move. I just want her to know that I’m always there for her. I want her to be able to tell me anything, especially as she gets older. If life continues to move at the same warp speed, then I know the preteen years will be here before I know it. And then the scary teen years. [Gulp.]

Before we get to the point of slamming doors, talking back, and rolling eyes, I want to make sure that I’ve done what I can to build a strong foundation. My hope is that in the midst of her yelling, “I hate you!” to me (which is inevitable, I hear), she also knows that I am her biggest advocate and strongest supporter. 

I’m learning how to love her in the way that she needs. It’s somewhere between letting her have complete independence and wanting to hug her tightly and not let go.

I have no way to measure any of these things in real data terms, but I am enjoying each one of them regardless. So, I’ll count that as a win at least for now.

“Slumber parties”

When my husband goes out of town, my daughter will often sleep in my bed with me. It’s secretive in that her younger brothers don’t know about it, so it feels special for both of us. I love this time together.

Mother-Daughter diary

I just bought her (well, really “us”) a Mother-Daughter journal for her birthday. There are prompts for both mother and daughter and the idea is that the daughter (or mother) can write feelings down that she may be too embarrassed to say in person. I can’t wait to see what we learn about each other. 

Sharing a Hobby

My daughter found these cool how-to videos on YouTube that show how to draw animals, people, etc. from start to finish. We will sometimes set aside everything else we have to do and watch these videos and draw together.  

10 Minutes at Bedtime

While I’m usually tired and want to just get everyone to bed by the time their bedtime rolls around, I try to save 10 minutes at bedtime just for her. It doesn’t happen every night, but when it does, I lay in bed with her and ask her about her day specifically. I love learning about who she plays with at recess, who she sits next to at lunch, who she has a crush on (true story), and why she likes her teachers. I love these moments.

Every phase of parenting is a new learning experience for me and I never know if I’m doing it right. All I know is that I am showing her that I love her in the best way that I know how. It may be a different kind of love, but hopefully, it’s enough. 

1 COMMENT

  1. What a wonderful article! Thank you for sharing. My daughter is 10 and we are in a similar spot. Can you please share where you purchases the Mother-Daughter journal?

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