Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

A friend at work recently told me about the “How I Built This” podcast (highly recommend) and it got me thinking about new business ideas. Naturally, my brain is filled clogged with the lyrics to “Wheels on the Bus” at any given moment, so I started to ponder all the kid-related crap in my house for which I could be receiving checks.

So, here are some products I wish I would have come up with myself.

To be clear, I own every single one of these, so the joke is squarely on me. Sigh.

  • Pacifier Clips: String + Paper Clip = Pacifier Clip. FML.
  • Burp Cloths: Everyone is aware that this is simply a piece of fabric with cartoons on it, right? Maybe if I start my own line of diapers called “ASS WRAPS” I will be a millionaire in no time.
  • Nose Frida: I just wish I thought of this one so that I could be that “lady who convinced a generation to mouth-suck phlegm from their children’s faces”.
  • Boppy Lounger: This is legit just a pillow.
  • Magic Merlin Sleepsuit: This is legit just a pillow that you stuff your child into.
  • Color Wonder Products: I actually don’t seriously question why I didn’t think of this one because I know exactly why. Science.
  • Clip-On High Chairs: Dual purpose. Feed your kid AND shock therapy for a fear of heights later in life.
  • Sophie: Also known as a dog toy that your baby gnaws on.
  • Oogiebear: Plastic stick. This is just a plastic stick with a tiny scoop on the end. If only I would have kept all my Barbie accessories and tried shoving them up my baby’s nose. I will lose sleep over this for years to come.
  • Table Toppers: Can someone, anyone, explain to me how this is NOT Saran Wrap?
  • Breast Therapy Pack: Do people think normal ice packs pose serious threats to their boobies? I’m going to go buy a bunch of these, slap a sticker on them that says “NOW SAFE FOR BOOB USE” and sell them for double. Don’t any of you steal my genius idea.
  • Diaper Genie: A trash can with TWO lids. Truly revolutionary.
  • Whale Waterfall Rinser: RINSER ISN’T EVEN A WORD. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. THIS IS A &#^$&G CUP. I can’t do this anymore.

If you need me, I’ll be over here giving all my money to the next company to come up with a better version of the air my child breathes. Oh wait



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