My Thank You Letter To Fortnite

Dear Fortnite (no wait, scratch that…)

Dearest Fortnite,

I wanted to send a quick love letter, oops, I mean… thank you note for your existence. But I wanted to make sure that I explain clearly my love, gratitude, and sincerest appreciation for your existence. My three boys, ages 11, 11, and 13 absolutely love you. I’m sure parents abroad are expressing their devotion and this letter will fall to the wayside amidst a pile of fan mail in the Epic Games mailroom floor. 

First, you eliminated boredom in our household. THANK YOU! No longer do I hear the words “I’m bored.” We’ve got you on a Nintendo switch, Xbox One, PC, several iPhones, and a Playstation 4. You’re everywhere. You have provided a new forum for online social interactions with their friends. Welcome!!

Secondly, you have taught my children the highs and lows of investing and blowing money. Fortnite screen time, battle pass purchases, and v-bucks has become the new currency in our home.

Speaking of currency, the other day I asked who had homework and surprisingly none of them had homework. Generally, when we don’t have sports or homework, they get Fortnite screen time after completion. On this day, I decided to make-up some Fortnite themed homework. I was able to give them a few story problems to work on and each kid that gave me a sufficient answer earned more screen time. The lessons taught were not only about the value of a United States dollar but also the value of time, importance of education, hard work, priorities, decision making, and a lesson in their own self-worth…and maybe an ego check here or there. The dialogue exchanged on this day was very insightful. I love these glimpses into their minds. 

Homework #1:

Supermom makes $XXXX a month. Supermom comes with a degreed college education, multiple certifications and a career that warrants almost 20 years of experience in her field. What is Supermom’s salary broken into an hourly wage? To purchase one skin on Fornite, Supermom has to work how many minutes? What would be a fair wage for Superson 1, Superson 2, and Superson 3? Please support your answer in complete sentences. How many minutes should Superson have to work to earn one Fornite skin? Provide a list of 10 household chores Supersons could accomplish and match to a fair wage for each.

Homework #2:

Supermom makes $XXXX a month. Supermom’s bills are $XXXX a month. Which bills should Supermom prioritize and/or disregard so that Superson 1, Superson 2, and Superson 3 can fuel their Fortnite habit? What should Supermom treat herself to in equal quantities as her Supersons’ Fortnite habits? 

I’ve even been able to use v-buck rewards for my kids’ friends. One of my eldest son’s soccer teammates is a little overly passionate on the soccer field sometimes and the referees tend to wave these little yellow and red cards in his face quite often. So, to teach this kid some self-control and perhaps a little re-direction of said passion, I have offered him a deal that he gets v-bucks every time he walks away from engaging in and respectfully declining altercations on the soccer field. Before each game, he asks me if we have a deal. We always have a deal. We even shake on it. Teammates have even begun to ask if we, too, could make a deal. So, several kids on the team now have very specific deals with me where if they (insert specific skill or area of improvement) then they get an unspecified number of v-bucks. The cool thing about this deal is they’re working on IOU’s. Where they each may take one step forward, they may also digress, and they know that I’m keeping records. Not only do I keep team statistics but I’m also keeping v-buck bank balances. It’s the accountant in me. 

Thank you for giving my 4-year-old daughter a voice and power over her brothers.

There are moments while eating dinner or out running errands in public and one of the brothers will do something unfavorable and she will be the first to pipe up and warn with confidence, “You might not want to do that. No more Fortnite for you.” I even have an echo when disciplining the boys, “Yeah, Fornite is off tonight, Bud.” 

And the dance parties….oh the dance parties you’ve created for our family. A million times thank you for this one.

I mean, we’re a dancing energetic family as it is. I have music playing all the time. That is not an exaggeration. Gone are the days of my Running Man and Roger Rabbit while making their favorite Mexican lasagna. Gone are kids that roll their eyes and ask me to turn down the music. I get kids Flossing, doing The Worm, Orange Justice and breaking out into a Default Dance in my kitchen. Just tonight, I was trying to sync up my arms and knees on the Orange Justice routine and failed miserably but it brought the happiest tears of laughter from my middle son. He literally laughed until he cried. We’ve created our own scale of 1-10 on these dances. My youngest son who is the quietest and perhaps, shyest of the bunch has even come out of his shell. Cool thing is that they’re teaching these moves to their sister too. When they’re playing the game, she gets to pick their dances. The slightest indication that I’m about to bust out in the Electro-Shuffle or Tidy, will diffuse any sibling altercation real quick.

The support from each other in the brotherhood is impressive. I mean, they still fight, sure, but they also support each other’s wins, kills, and I’ll hear my youngest coaching my oldest or even playing for him.

The most important thank you I can express is that you taught this single mom the love language of my kids.

I now know their full range of emotion, what fuels them, and how to support them. With confidence, I have insight on what their triggers are. I mean, they’ve expressed more anger and frustration in the past 6 months than they have in their lives combined. I have full transparency of what I’m dealing with. The rage that I never expected to rear its head until well into the mid-teens has shown face now. For that, I am locked and loaded with at least 20 self-help and parenting books. Thank you for providing me with the visibility of these 180-degree emotional ranges.  

Driving through a neighborhood, I’ve got kids in my car watching the brick walls and metal guardrails wondering if these surroundings were in a Fortnite environment, if they would be sufficient 999 materials. I’ve got them conversing about slurp juice, chug jugs, and shield potions.

Thank you for bringing the wonders of science and culinary interests into real world observation to your game. 

My sincerest thank you’s a hundred times over Fortnite and Epic Games for this new season of gratitude and appreciation. A lot of my mom friends are not as thankful for your existence. I get it. I was there too until I learned to lighten up and implement the if you can’t beat them join them mentality. Never in my 39 years of life, have I saved the princess in Mario Brothers but I got 3 kills in my first game of Fortnite. I was told it was because I was using the Skull Trooper but I argue that it was either beginner’s luck or just some baller gaming skills for this anti-gaming single mom of four. 

Best,

Khaki Parmentier