I Want To Be A SAHM And A Working Mom

I am a working mom. 

Granted, I’ve only been a mom for like, 2 seconds (okay, 3 months today). And to be honest, I’ve only been working for about 2 years (I graduated with my doctorate in PT in 2017). So my work history in this specific occupation isn’t long, but even before becoming a physical therapist, I was a worker. I have been a ski coach, a math teacher, a barista, a health tech, and a student worker during graduate school (because who doesn’t have extra time to kill during grad school?). I am a DO-er; I need to be doing something all the time. I have lists of things to do, and don’t let myself rest until they’re done.

Doing, and working, makes me feel productive, and like I am doing something beneficial for my family, community, and world.  

Besides just loving working, I love my profession. I fell in love with physical therapy when I needed it as a teenager after tearing ligaments in both knees ski racing; I loved it more after a service trip to Guatemala where we got to provide PT and occupational therapy to people who wouldn’t normally have access to these services; and I’ve loved my jobs since graduating. My current job as a PT at Garner & Riley Physical Therapy in Bastrop is exactly what I pictured I’d be doing: working alongside highly skilled therapists, working with all age groups, and helping people with a wide variety of problems. 

Before I got pregnant, I was sure I’d never want to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). Not that I had anything against SAHMs – and from the experiences I’ve had with friends who are SAHMs I know it is a difficult job in itself – but I love the interaction I get with patients, I love the way my job challenges me mentally and physically, and I love feeling like I am helping people. 

Teaching a patient an exercise while in Guatemala.

But. 

My daughter, Mina, was born 3 months ago. The second she was handed to me; the very moment I looked at her sweet, chubby face; I was hooked. There is nothing and no one (outside of my husband and Jesus) who I will ever love more than this little one. And that, to be quite honest, includes my job.

I also realized how much I loved the quiet of just BEING, rather than DOING all the time.

I love being mom, I love breastfeeding, I love resting with my little one asleep on my chest. I love that in those moments, I do not need to be doing anything other than being her mom. 

Photo by Diana Haro

When I was still on maternity leave I started to be quite honest with myself about how I might feel when returning to work. I quite honestly cried at the thought of not spending every waking moment with this beautiful little person. And when I thought about being a SAHM, I cried at the thought of giving up something for which I’ve worked so hard to achieve, 

Now, full disclosure, we have a daycare at work, so I get to take my little one with me. 

But.

That doesn’t mean it was easy handing her off to someone else that first day, even knowing I’d be back to nurse her in 3 hours. And since she is in daycare just upstairs, I can sometimes hear her crying while I’m working with patients. Believe me, it takes every ounce of willpower I have in me to not sprint up those stairs and steal her away. 

Right now, I am still transitioning back into work. Part time hours means spending part of the day at home with my daughter, Soon I will be back to full time, but for now I am thoroughly enjoying this in-between space of kind-of SAHM, kind-of working mom. 

And:

Mina will know this is the toughest choice for me: stay home with her, cuddle her, watch her every move, plan out every minute of her day with the activities I want to see her doing… or do this job I also love, helping others, using the skills and the knowledge I have worked so long and hard to gather. Ultimately, I’ve obviously made the choice to be a working mom. But this taste of being both tells me that I will never be 100% fulfilled in one or the other.

I have to choose to be fully present with my daughter when I AM home, and fully present at my job while I am there. 

I want to be a stay-at-home mom and a working mom.

I don’t want to miss anything as my daughter grows and learns and becomes who she will be. But I also don’t want to miss out on working, and showing my daughter my passion for my occupation. It’s the toughest choice, but hopefully my little one won’t ever think I chose work OVER her.

I choose work AND my child. 

I know some moms have to work, some can’t, and some get to make a choice. I’d love to hear your experience, leave me a note below!

Hannah Haro
Hannah Haro, PT, DPT is a physical therapist, wife to Daniel and mom to Mina (2018). She was born and raised in a small northern Michigan town, is bilingual, helps run a soccer clinic for kids with disabilities, is a Christian, and a partner at the Austin Stone Community Church. Though Hannah currently works as a PT in a pro bono clinic at University of St Augustine, she has previously worked as a babysitter, downhill ski instructor, math teacher, barista, and health coach. She likes to say she is in the business of rehabilitation: of people, as a PT; and of homes, as she and her husband are now on renovations for house #4 in as many years. She also loves coffee and anything chocolate, enjoying the green spaces of Austin, and a really good sci fi/fantasy novel while curled under a blanket.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Hannah – this is the exact battle I find myself in. I never thought I’d want to stay at home (I’m a teacher), but now, my little one is almost 12 weeks and I’m fighting lots of anxiety about going back to work. Thanks for sharing this. It’s helpful to know I’m not the only one.

  2. Before I had kids, I was always working…working two jobs, working my way up, juggling work and school and then building my photography business. Then, I became a mom who worked from home (business needs during the day, editing all hours of the night and shooting on the weekend). It wasn’t until I had my second child that I said I have to slow it down. I felt like I was doing all my jobs half-heartedly. I felt guilty when I wasn’t working and felt tired when I was fulfilling the needs of a toddler and a baby. Both of the jobs needed my full attention, so I decided that the hours spent with my kiddos mattered more than the hours logged on my business.

    I took a side role working for another photographer. I told myself that my talent would be there when I come back, but early motherhood wouldn’t. I was building a family, and that was just as important as to me as earning my degree and building my photography business. Each kid ( I have 3) felt like a separate job. These days, my photography career is at a standstill and one day I may return for my masters, but I have the family I wanted, and that time comes and goes, so grab it while you can.

  3. Loved reading your blog Hannah. You are a beautiful person dedicated to your faith, family and profession. I am so happy I got to see you grow up and develop into the beautiful person you are today.

  4. Thanks for the blog. I’m a dad x 7 years and PT x 10. I’ve attempted to have the best of both worlds. Yet…my wife calls me “the mom” of the family, as I manage the vast majority of medical, therapy, extracurricular, and school appointments/cares. And…one of our children is Special Needs with a high level of parental care required at all times. And…my wife finds much of her self-identity with her career. And…my 45 hours/week career duties increased to 50-55/week with a shift in my responsibilities over a year ago….that during the COVID pandemic has actually increased to more like 60 hours/week. And…all effective school supports and family supports have disappeared due to COVID. The family has reached its breaking point, I have reached my breaking point, and I now find myself seeking out articles like yours as I realize…at least for me…and any full-time position…it really is one or the other. Hello last ditch efforts for speech acquisition for one daughter, potential time to give attention to the other neurotypical dtr, and prn PT work, and goodbye to financial security and trying to have it all. I appreciate you sharing your perspectives, just sharing a glimpse of my journey, and all the best to everyone!

  5. I truly wish we had better options here in the states when it comes to maternity leave. I am in the same exact boat…my baby is 3 months old now and I’m having a hard time thinking about going back to work. Luckily I am a clinical therapist which opens up the opportunity to work from home. Still, it is such a difficult choice. Hearing your story is validating!

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