I would do anything for my kids.  But, I want them to be independent and successful adults who move out of my house and contribute to society…so I don’t.  When my twelve, ten, and six year olds are whining about how boring and unfair it is to work around the house, I inevitably start thinking it would be easier to do it myself.  Then I remind myself that my little people will eventually become big people who have responsibilities, meaningful jobs and households of their own.

Mowing the lawn.

With that endgame in mind, we have age-appropriate household chores that our kids help with every day.

 

My kids are TERRIBLE at cleaning their bathroom – the mirror ends up with more water spots than it started with – but they try because I don’t want them to be the entitled roommate in college who doesn’t know how to cook, wash clothes, or clean a toilet.  I’m pretty good at loading a dishwasher, but, because I love them,

Making Breakfast.

I enlist the troupes…even if we only get half as many dishes in the tray.  If I truly relied on my kids to keep their room tidy they would be living in a blanket-fort that smelled like dirty socks and was littered with corn-dog sticks.  As it happens, I’m more concerned with my children’s character than with having a clean house.

As much as they might complain about helping around the house, doing chores allows my boys  to feel like they’re capable and contributing.  

It teaches them a sense of accomplishment and makes play time more valuable.  We don’t use a chore chart, but we do have routine responsibilities that are developing a strong work ethic, initiative, and sense of pride in my little men.  

Here are a few ideas on chores kids can help with:

Chores By Age Group

3-5 year old: put away folded laundry, match socks, empty dishwasher, use handheld vacuum, tidy toys.

6-8 year old: fold laundry, set table, clear table, help with dishes, help cook, sweep porch or garage, carry in groceries, feed the dog, vacuum, help make school lunch.

9-12 year old: yard work like weeding and mowing, set table, clear table, wash dishes, help cook, do his or her own laundry, take out the trash and take cans to the curb, walk the dog, make their own school lunch.

 

Set The Expectation

If they’re too young to help, model it.  If they’re old enough to help, but can’t do a good job alone, work with them.  If they can do a good job but won’t, supervise. Your kids will rise to your expectations – don’t underestimate what your child is capable of!  My ten year old can change the spark plugs in a lawn mower, repair a sewing machines, and enjoys woodworking. As the parent, we have to create opportunities for them to rise to the occasion.

Hard at Work on the Tree House.

Don’t Be Too Critical

Remember that kids learn by doing, so if they have done their age appropriate best effort on a job, don’t insist on perfection.  Instead, appreciate their effort. They’ll get better at it with practice. If you want them to be helpful, don’t be critical of the way they help (turns out, this applies to husbands, too).

 

Tell Them One Time

Don’t nag your kids to get chores done, they’ll tune you out or rely on you to remind them forever.  Don’t do the chore for them if they don’t do it – it robs them of initiative. Make them follow through…I know, I know, it would be so.much.easier to throw away the goldfish wrapper yourself.  Instead, make it their responsibility and allow natural consequences. My kids know that if they haven’t taken care of their responsibilities, the answer to their next request will be “no, because you haven’t done xyz.”  My son once missed a soccer tournament because he refused to take the trash out. (Ok, fine, it was canceled due to rain…but he didn’t know that and I took advantage of a teachable moment.) Point being, there have to be consequences or kids will spend their entire weekend trying to get out of their chores, and their futures trying to get out of work.  Motivate your kids by making completing their work a necessity before kids can go on to play.

 

What About Allowance?

I found allowance to be a lot more effort on my part than my kids, so I tabled it for now until they are older.  Instead, we discern between chores that can be done to earn money or privileges, and things that get done

Helping Mom Shop for Groceries.

just because we are part of a family – like cleaning up after one’s own self and keeping communal areas tidy.   If there is something my kids want to buy that falls out of the normal range of parent contribution, I offer them jobs they can do to earn money. Like vacuum the car, bathe the dog, break down boxes, extra yard work, or ironing.

 

Make Chores Fun

My dad used to say “if it was supposed to be fun they wouldn’t call it work.”  Our kids know that work isn’t as fun as play, and we can’t trick them into thinking doing laundry or dishes is super fun.  But remember, little people become big people, who have to go to work on days when they don’t feel like it so they don’t get fired.  

While they’re kids, let’s teach them to do their work because it’s required of them, to find work meaningful, and to choose to be joyful while they do it.  

My kids love music and like to listen while they do chores. It might sound like a vegas-esque dance party, but really they are (sort of) cleaning their rooms and growing into future high-functioning adults.

 

Mary J. Mearig
I love sunshine and have no idea what a day without coffee would be like. I’m married to my high school prom date. I met my husband Seth in our hometown Juneau, Alaska where we had our wedding 14 years ago. Seth has my name tattooed on his bicep and we go back to AK every summer. I’m a #boymom to three wild, funny, charming, energetic little men. I like to think of parenting as a great experiment...it’s too soon to tell if it worked or not! While we wait for the results, I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here