Middle School Prep: A Mom’s Guide to a Big Transition

As this school year winds to a close, some of you may be gearing up to send your babies to middle school next year. Before you start hyperventilating, I, a former middle school teacher of seven years, have amassed some advice from friends and former colleagues of how to handle these upcoming middle school years.

15 Tips For Parents of Middle Schoolers

• 1. Try to let go of control. Middle school is a big transition time for kids. They need to learn some independence but still know you can help when they need you.
  2. Resist the urge to do their work for them. Yes, teachers can tell if they didn’t work on it on their own. No, it doesn’t make either of you look good. I once had a student barely write two sentences on a one paragraph assignment. I let him take it home and told him to bring it finished the next day. What came back to me was a fully-typed, one-page, five-paragraph essay with a thesis statement. Remember, there is a stark difference between helping them and doing something for them. That being said…
  3. Please still help them. Don’t expect them to suddenly be able to accomplish all sorts of things on their own. Rather than being a parent doing a kid’s work for them, I have also seen plenty of parent’s completely leave their kid all alone on assignments to the point a kid hasn’t turned a single thing in for a grade. I have heard parents literally say the words “they’re in middle school now, it’s not my problem: it’s theirs.” Help set your kid up for academic success by checking in on their assignments online.
  4. Help them set up an organization system. They will have more teachers in middle school than elementary, and their middle school teachers can easily have at least 100 students a year. If your kid doesn’t have some kind of organization to their day, they can easily get lost and your middle school teachers simply can’t constantly check in on each individual student’s work or schedules. Show your kid how to use a planner to write in upcoming assignments or events like concerts, practices, or games. Show them a way to organize assignments by class. I highly recommend buying an accordion folder and labeling one slot per class so they can store any handouts or upcoming assignments inside in the proper space.
  5. Prepare yourself for a lot of bodily changes from your kid. Middle school is when those hormones really start to kick in. Help your kid out by having a little discussion about their new selves. Set them up with some deodorant and remind them that at this age, it’s probably a good idea to start showering daily. Trust me, as your kid starts puberty, they don’t always notice these sudden changes, but you will. Help them.
  6. Remember it can be an emotional time for them. Those hormones that are responsible for their bodily changes can also bring lots of BIG feelings basically ALL. OF. THE. TIME. I once had a girl come into my classroom crying because a boy told her that her hair was yellow like yarn. She was absolutely bawling her eyes out. On the flipside, the boy was very confused. He had a crush on her and was trying to tell her that her hair was a pretty color just like the yarn his mother used to knit. It’s a story that still pulls on my heartstrings because it highlights just how confusing this time can be for that age.
  7. Talk to them about the importance of not leaving their valuables out in places where they can get taken. I can not tell you the amount of times a student came to me to tell me their phone got stolen. I’d ask if they put it in their locked locker, and 9 times out of 10 the answer was no.
  8. Let them fight their own battles and find their own voice. One time, when I was coaching cross country, one of my athletes came over to tell her mother and I about how a different girl cut part of the course when people weren’t looking. Since she had come out ahead of the other girl anyway, her mother advised her to report it to one of the coaches in charge of the meet and I agreed. She tried to get her mom to do it, but her mom said, “no if you see some kind of injustice then it’s up to you to say something.”
  9. Keep listening to your kids. Don’t tune them out. They need your support now more than ever. Don’t be quick to freak out on anything they say or do. They will keep a mental record of your reaction and if you react in a super negative way, they will never tell you anything again.
  10. Help them to talk about the hard stuff no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you. Think about it this way: would you rather them hear certain information from you, or a bunch of potentially false information from other kids their own age?
  11. Stay tough. You don’t need to be their best friend at this age. They need a parent. They need rules and guidance. Trust me, you will have years ahead when you can be their friend.
  12. Don’t be one of those parents who thinks their kid does nothing wrong. We all know our children aren’t always angels. But of course, listen to your kid’s concerns and when in doubt, call, email, or visit with a teacher.
  13. Go to the school open houses or meet the teacher nights. Introduce yourself to teachers and let them know you are an involved parent. The teachers will know that if there is ever an issue you will be able to work with them on finding a solution together. Remember the teachers are on your side. We all want what’s best for the students.
  14. Remember your child’s teachers are humans too. We love your kids. We are there whether it be for personal hygiene issues, friend fights, or academic problems. Between all of that we still manage to teach them not only content but social skills. Show teachers some grace, but also advocate for your kid. Let us know when things are tough at home. Kids spend most of their waking hours at school. We are a huge part of their lives and we are only successful when we work together. Our end goal is the same: educated, productive, and thoughtful citizens.
  15. Don’t forget, middle school is not forever. In fact, in the grand scheme of life, middle school is barely a drop in the bucket. It doesn’t last long, and the person they are in middle school may be far different from the person they are in high school, college, or their adult life. Remind yourself of this when they yell things like “I hate you mom!” Because, I’m sorry, but they just might yell that at you. Those are moments where you should take a deep breath and say “Well, that’s too bad, because I love you.” At least that’s what my mom used to say to me when I’d yell it at her.

Good luck to all incoming middle schoolers and first time middle school parents. It can be a hard transition, but it will go by in the blink of an eye.