There’s A Person Behind the Screen

A few weeks ago, a post I wrote sparked harsh comments. Comments that attacked my character on the Austin Moms Blog Facebook page. Prior to this, the negative feedback I’ve received online was extremely minimal. It was hard and surreal.

The most frustrating part of this experience was most people didn’t actually read the post. They had an emotional, angry, knee-jerk reaction to the lead-in paragraph on Facebook. Yet they took the time to comment – calling me tone deaf, privileged, a bad writer, insinuating I am racist, preachy, my “political beliefs and heart don’t matter”, ignorant of marginalized groups. Ouch.

The goal of my post in particular – and specifically stated within – was to create a space where we can safely talk about anything, even the hard stuff. Sensitive topics (like politics) don’t have to be polarizing.  I challenged readers to re-frame what respect means to them and to model what it looks like to respectfully agree or disagree. While hurtful, the reaction was also very ironic.

“Rather than defend myself and fight back, I’ve learned to see these encounters as divine spiritual assignments,” said a blogger and influencer who believes in shining light on the darkness of the Internet.

I wasn’t initially enlightened. I diplomatically defended myself, but wasn’t heard. And while that gave me a little piece of mind, thanking each person for her/his positive comment helped bring back the light. I asked for support and felt the love from my AMB village, my Facebook friends and my circle of sisters (and brothers!).  

Podcasts are my favorite running entertainment, and a recent Super Soul featured Bryon Katie who talked about setting yourself free. One point stuck with me. She said the minute you react with defensiveness, you start a war. This is so true, in both face-to-face and online interactions.

Here’s what I learned from this experience:

1. I am proud of my thoughtful, balanced post. I believe in what I wrote.
2. It isn’t about me…even though it really feels like it is. Hateful reactions are fueled by fear and bias.
3. There isn’t a “right” side to any argument. Most of those responding so harshly were ones I considered “my people” in terms of political lean.
4. People aren’t listening to each other, and there is a lot of anger in our country right now. We can shine a light and use social media as a way to encourage and connect. We can ask for help, love and support.  Most importantly, we can listen to each other.
5. I am learning. I am reflecting on the comments and asking myself what perspective I can gain.

With every post I write, with every comment I make on social media, with every interaction I have, I believe I can unite rather than divide.

There is a person behind every screen.

A person who has a story, who is struggling in some way, who has a voice and wants to be heard, who is scared, who can be hurt, who has the power to treat the person on the other side of the digital world as a fellow human being.

How will you comment on social media? Who can you support? How can you express your opinion while not disparaging others? What can your kids learn from my experience?  How can you listen more?