Fall in love, become engaged, get married and sail away into Happily Ever After!! Blame it on Romantic Comedies, blame it on fairytales, but we tend to have a rose tinted view of marriage in our culture.
The truth is, like any relationship, partnership or collaboration, marriage is work. Marriage ebbs and flows. Marriage is sort of a job! And like an occupation, the success depends very much on your output. The success ebbs and flows. After nearly 13 years of marriage, Max and I have put in A LOT of work!
RELATED READING :: Advice for When Your Marriage is in the Trenches
That’s a lot of pressure for ONE relationship!! Acknowledge that!!!! Then start to think of ways you can bring lightness and JOY into your marriage.
1. Have Your Own Identity Outside Of The Marriage
2. Get Cooking–But Make it Fun!
They say the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. Take a mundane chore like cooking family dinner and turn it into a heart warming experience. Anytime you can make something a tiny pit special, or out of the ordinary… It’s worth it!! We’ve loved taking online cooking classes during the pandemic. There are literally millions of cooking opportunities online + Instagram. Give it a scroll and sign up!! For a local online cooking option, we’ve loved Thai Fresh. The recipes provide a spicy opportunities {pun intended} to get the heat and passion back into our lives!
2. Get Outside
I mean this literally and figuratively. You need to literally get outside in fresh air together. Switch up your scenery from the monotonous rhythm of your bed, your “office” and your couch and head out on a hike together in nature! Connect in the sunshine, feel the wind on your face, enjoy the natural sounds and light hearted conversation.
It’s also been important for us to STEP outside our routines. We literally have to switch things up to avoid insanity!!!! For Max and I, variety is the spice of life so we work hard to keep thinking outside the box. We head downtown for staycations, we drive out to the hill country for picnics at our favorite wineries, we go on long bike rides, we hit South Congress with no agenda. We keep things interesting!!
3. Have Sex
Yep–I said it. I know it’s the last thing on our minds most days…With working in front of a screen, homeschooling kids, the never ending cooking, dishes and grocery shopping, squeezing in workout outs, plus trying to take care of yourself, but the intimacy provides the icing on the cake for marriage.
Yes, our lack of variability {HELLO daily top knot + leggings} has no doubt reduced the desire for sex in many households. But I’ll let you in on a secret–the more sex you have, the more sex you will have. The less sex you have, the less sex you will have.
Like anything –the act of sex is a habit!! What you do consistently and regularly becomes a routine Y’ALL! I try to apply this methodology in all areas of my life. Including sex.
4. Small Moments and Small Gestures Matter
They also have the potential to annoy the hell out of you!! Max—pick up your freaking dirty socks off of the living room floor!!! Can I get an Amen!!
Most of our fights start from seemingly meaningless offenses. Like dirty socks, a sink full of dishes, shuffling the kids’ schedules etc. Get in the habit of implementing small acts of kindness around the house to outweigh these petty annoyances. Start to understand the small things that make your partner happy, that make their heart sing, THAT FILL THEIR CUP and do them often!! If our cup is full, we are much less likely to blow up over the socks!
5. Choose Your Words Wisely
Yes we will argue, yes we will continue to disagree. But our partners deserve kindness and respect ALWAYS. When you vow to keep nasty words out of your fights, you are able to cut through the bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter, the root of the problem.. and hopefully find a mutually beneficial solution!!!
