The first positive test. Your heart starts to flutter- maybe you even shed a few tears of joy or fear. After 10 minutes of staring that that positive pregnancy test you’ve created an entire dream of what life will look like with a new baby. Unfortunately, up to 25% of those positive tests may not come to fruition due to miscarriage or stillbirth.

RELATED READING :: 5 Things I Wish I Would’ve Known When Having a Miscarriage

Experiencing a loss is devastating. No matter if you were 4 weeks, 20 weeks, a planned or unplanned baby, or even experienced a blighted ovum. All circumstances of loss are difficult for both parents who experience it.

So how can you best support a friend or loved one who is experiencing a miscarriage without feeling like you’re making things worse? In my own personal experience, hearing from friends, & stories from followers, here are a few ways to support those you love during their time of loss:

  • Send a text, voice note, or hand written card:
    • Sometimes it can be difficult to know what to say. You don’t want to sound insincere, but you also don’t want to sound awkward or make her feel worse. What matters is that you speak from your heart. Let her (and dad) know how much they mean to you, you’re here to support them however you can, and you’re sending your thoughts/prayers. Here’s an example. “Hey (insert name), I just wanted to check-in & let you know I am thinking of you during this time. When you’re ready, let me know how I can support you & your family with anything you may need. I love you, I’m hurting with you, and I am here for you”.
  • Food
    • After a miscarriage or stillbirth, the mother enters into a postpartum phase (no matter how early the loss occurred). Warm foods that are rich in vitamins & minerals are what she needs to support her body as it heals. These are things like rich meaty stews, animal broths, hot teas, and cooked vegetables. You can send a meal via delivery, drop off a homemade meal on her doorstep, or organize an entire meal train for her and her family for a week or two. Check out this book or Meal Train to organize a meal plan that everyone can be a part of.
  • Postpartum Support
    • Does she have older kids? Offer to take them out for the day so she and Dad can have some alone time. Does she lack support at home or not live near family? Send her funds so she can hire a bereavement doula. A quick internet search & you can easily find one in her city. A bereavement doula has been professionally trained to support mothers experiencing loss and can support mom, her family, and any household duties that need tending to. Does she need financial help or a recommendation for therapy? Send her some funds or a list of well reviewed professionals. Lastly, help her find a support group (if she desires) with other moms who understand her experience.
  • Gifts

Everyone experiences loss differently. While some Mothers may only need to grieve for a short time, others may need longer. Show up for your Mom friends as your authentic self, give them love, and be someone to hold space for them.

Tori is a wife, mother of 2 girls, a Birthfit coach, & personal trainer. Tori works in the home to raise her babies while also running her online personal training business helping moms during pregnancy & postpartum. When she's not "momming" or working to grow her business you can find her checking out a new coffee shop, beer garden, or working out. Her favorite foods include coffee, donuts, beer, & beef. She loves a good podcast or book she can learn from and believes that finding the simple joys in life are what make it so special. Catch Tori on Instagram @coach_tori_ or attend the pregnancy & postpartum support group she hosts the last Friday of every month at Truly Chiropractic.


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