When you’re married with young kids, it’s no secret your sex life takes a back seat. The season of life in which we are raising our little ones is blissfully exhausting, and chaotic, and some days downright maddening. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, as parents of young children, we often feel we’re living in survival mode. I usually count the day a victory if I’ve at least given myself the basic needs of food, water, and (at least a little) sleep. Where am I supposed to fit in time for a daily routine of shaving (heck, even showering!) and primping to feel sexy??
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I love my husband so much, but when it comes to our sex drive, he and I are on a very different level. He pretty much still has that 21 year old male mentality and me… well, I’m tired, I’m stressed, I’m distracted, I feel fat, etc. Simply put- I’m just plain not in the mood. For a period of time during our baby’s first year, he and I almost completely disconnected on a physical level, mostly in part to me. At first he left me alone about it, because he respected that I had just had a baby and was having postpartum body image issues, etc, but after awhile he became bitter and angry that I was shutting him out in that way. It was wrecking havoc on our marriage in more way than one. We were fighting about sex (and just about everything else) constantly- when one day I had an epiphany: This man’s “love language” is physical touch. He loves me, he wants me, it will make him happy…so why not just give it up already?!?! When I began to push through the mental blocks that were keeping me from showing my husband love in that way on a regular basis, things began to change drastically for the better. After a long day, I will admit that sex is still sometimes the last thing on my mind, but now that I know the benefits it has provided my marriage, I try to throw the excuses out of the window.
Here are the top 10 reasons that having more sex with my husband has made us both happier.
1.) Love Language
He feels most loved when I touch him. I feel most loved when he gives me words of affirmation and acts of service. Me letting go of my inhibitions with sex has helped my man of few words let go of his inhibitions of expressing love through words. When he’s getting lucky on a regular basis, he’s much more apt to say sweet things and compliment me.
2.) He Thinks I’m Sexy
I feel fat because I can’t get rid of 10 lbs of baby weight, I think my stretch marks are gross, I know I haven’t shaved in over a week. He.Doesn’t.Care. He wants me anyway- he thinks I’m sexy no matter those things, or any of the other 100 reasons I can think of why I’m not.
3.) Confidence Booster
See #2. Despite my flaws, he can’t get enough of me. As much as I’ve fought accepting his sex drive as a compliment in the past, I dig it now. It makes me feel really good about myself and I’m much more comfortable in my own skin as a result.
4.) Romance is No Longer Dead
We flirt, we give each other looks, we touch more often in non-sexual ways, like hand holding and hugging. He sends me sweet texts and calls me just to hear my voice. This is a HUGE change and I truly do credit it to relinquishing my prude-like ways.
5.) It Clouds His Head
Not kidding. Sex is the equivalent of him coming home with flowers for me when he’s in the doghouse. Like, if I want to go on a girls day without any grief, or if I’ve been spending too much time working lately, or if I accidentally spent too much money at Kendra Scott, a good romp in the sack makes him all mushy and happy and he can’t possibly be too terribly upset with me anymore for my minor infraction.
7.) More QT
We both really look forward to our alone time together in the evenings now. Whereas before, once the kids were in bed we kind of did our own thing- he watched TV, I worked in the other room. Now, we have an evening ritual together. Sometimes it’s a late dinner together while we watch Netflix or if we eat early with the kids we’ll sit down on the couch together over a glass of wine and talk about our day.
8.) Open Line of Communication
In the bedroom, you’re regularly communicating what you like, what you don’t, and what you want your partner to do. There’s nothing more intimate and vulnerable than that open line of communication. This has transferred to better communication outside the bedroom for us as well.
9.) “The Big O”
Self-explanatory. But while on this note, more sex = better sex. It’s kind of like when you commit to exercising vs. being a couch potato. The more you work your muscles, the stronger they get and the better they work. The less you use them, the weaker and less responsive them become. (You can connect the dots here.)
10.) It Has Brought Us Closer Together and Made Us Both Happier
For all of the reasons listed above and more, we are just in a better place with each other. While I know the sex is not 100% of the reason why, I do largely credit it for opening some major doors for us that had previously been shut. As a result, we are emotionally closer and happier all around with each other.
Photo Credit : Kara Marie Boudoir