For many moms, family life can feel all-consuming. Between kids, work, and the endless routines, intimacy can start to feel like one more item on the to-do list—squeezed somewhere between dinner cleanup and trying to get a few minutes of rest. When intimacy feels rushed or disconnected, it often leaves both partners feeling empty and even more distant, missing out on the closeness that we all long for in intimate relationships.
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I often see moms who go weeks, sometimes months, without connecting intimately, simply because past experiences left them feeling more drained than fulfilled. If intimacy has started to feel like a chore, it’s natural to feel hesitant about trying again. As relationship expert Esther Perel wisely reminds us, “If you don’t want [sex], you won’t be present, and if you’re not present, it won’t be good.” In other words, real intimacy requires a shift from seeing it as another task to genuinely wanting it—and that shift starts with slowing down, tuning in, and letting anticipation build.
Rather than viewing intimacy as something to “get done,” see it as an opportunity for you both to reconnect. Instead of focusing on the end goal, turn your attention to creating small moments of closeness that feel relaxed, fun, and worth looking forward to. This could be as simple as carving out time in the evenings to sit together, share something about your day, and remember what you appreciate in each other.
Creating intimacy that feels truly satisfying starts by slowing down and being present. Perel often talks about the difference between routine sex and something that feels alive—a sense of curiosity and playfulness. You don’t need grand gestures; take time to savor smaller things: a gentle touch, an affectionate look, or even just a shared deep breath. These moments help build a natural connection that doesn’t feel forced or rushed.
As moms, we’re often so focused on others’ needs that we lose touch with our own. Before connecting with your partner, take a few moments to check in with yourself. Ask: What do I need to feel open and receptive? What would help me feel calm or even excited?
Simple practices like a few deep breaths, listening to a favorite song, or reading eroticacan help ground you in your own sense of self. When you take time to reconnect with yourself, you’re more likely to bring that fullness into the relationship, creating a more satisfying experience for you both.
Intimacy doesn’t have to begin in the bedroom. A bit of playfulness throughout the day can go a long way. This might be a flirty text, a lingering touch, or just sharing a quick laugh together. These moments might seem small, but they bridge the emotional gap that can creep in with daily routines, inviting a natural sense of anticipation.
Take the lead by sharing something meaningful, whether it’s a personal thought, a moment of gratitude, or even a vulnerability. When you open up, it often invites your partner to do the same, creating a genuine, grounded connection that deepens trust. By establishing this “couple time,” you create a safe, intentional space where both of you can be fully present—building an intimacy that feels rich and fulfilling, even on the busiest days.
In a life filled with responsibilities, it’s okay to be intentional about creating time to deepen your connection. When intimacy is built on self-awareness, emotional closeness, and the anticipation of being fully present with each other, it can rejuvenate you instead of feeling like one more task.
