It’s the thought that counts. I’ve been saying that to myself for years. But honestly, that’s a bunch of crap. It’s not the thought that counts. It’s the action that counts. I have so many good intentions. And horrible follow through. When a friend has their second baby I have so many great ideas on how to shower them with a fun “new baby basket.” Let’s poll my friends and see who all has received the 2nd baby basket. Anyone? Anyone? That’s right folks — no one has. Now I am better when it’s a first baby so I’ll give myself credit for that but it often stops there.
What about when your friend has a sick or ailing parent. Oh my gosh, I have such great ideas about what would be in a helpful basket for a family when you are in and out of the hospitals but again, the idea never makes it out of my head and into an actual basket.
While this is not my strong suit, it is the superpower of one of my closest friends of all time. I can honestly remember each one of the items that either showed up at my door during hard times or arrived at the hospital when my son was in the PICU. She’s the friend that sends super funny cards for no special occasion. I try very hard not to play the comparison game with my friends but there is no question that she is the very best at this and I love her for it. I have zero idea how she manages to actually do it though. I’d like to tell myself that she only does it for me because we have been friends for so long so she can carve out the time to pamper me but get this… ….she does this for all of her friends. ALL of them. It’s amazing and wonderful and so endearing! Another note, she has 3 kiddos all 6 and under.
So I decided, for all our sakes, that I would ask her how the heck she gets it all done.
For this interview purpose, I’ll call this friend “Alisha” because that’s her name and gosh darn it she should get credit for all she does.
Me: Ok Missy. How do you do all of it?
A: It’s not like I leave the house in the morning with a list of things to pick up but I do have everyone on my mind. As I think of my close friends during the day I think about what they have going on in their lives and then when I’m out and about if I remember I just pick something up for them. It’s not really planned.
Me: How do you remember everyone’s stuff?
A: I don’t know. Like I said, when I think about my friends during the day I recall our last conversation and that sparks me to think about what I can do to help. Sometimes is a quick text message and other times I’ll be at a store like Home Goods and pick up a few things and drop them off with a card.
Me: Do you have a stack of goodies ready to send out or do you pack up all 3 kids and hit Hobby Lobby and Michael’s and Trader Joes once a week.
A: Ha ha! Well, it’s both. I do have a closet at home with hostess gifts like wine and cards and a few presents like candles and the like at the ready for a last minute party or birthday. But for the things like you are talking about I usually find those when I am out and yes, usually I have the 3 boys in tow.
Me: I still do not know how you manage that because when I’m at Trader Joes with my 2 kids it’s such mayhem that I didn’t even know there were cards at that place.
A: The main idea is that I just like reminding people I value our friendship. And if a card does that, then it’s a win. And even if it’s not received, I still let them know I was thinking of them and I care.
Me: I tend to over think it. Like, of course, I want to get my friend who just had their 4th kiddo something but I end up getting wrapped up in the details. I worry that I’ll get them something they already have or that they don’t like and then I tell myself I’ll research the latest trends and buy something fun and then I run out of time and never do.
A: Um yeah, you are over thinking it too much. It’s not about the “thing” it’s about the thought behind the thing. And you don’t have to save the world and drop baskets full of goodies off at each of your best friends houses weekly. It’s a spontaneous thing when you’re thinking through your friendships and what may be going on, just while you are already doing errands, grab a few things to say “I’m thinking about you.” “I care about you.”
Me: And this is why that’s your Super Power friend. Thank you so much for all that you do loving on all of us and for helping the rest of us who struggle to do the same with tips on how to make it easier.
So what was my take away? I’m going to actually execute some of my ideas and not overthink things and remembering it’s the actual thought that counts. But only when you actually act. When you do nothing, you miss an opportunity to show your friends how much you value and care for them.
