Infertility affects one in SIX couples. Which means you probably have someone in your close circle that is a part of this statistic and may be struggling in silence.
There are so many things that can trigger people who are going through infertility. Baby showers, birthday parties for children, religious events, and holidays, specifically Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Those days make the sense of loss feel so much heavier.
So if someone you know opens up about their struggle what should or shouldn’t you say or do as a friend, family member, or a colleague?
Things not to say:
- Just stop thinking about it and then it will happen.
- You should go on vacation, relax, and have some drinks- that for sure will work.
- Why don’t you just adopt?
- So whose fault is it? His or your’s?
- Oh my sister’s, friend’s, cousin-in-law tried ________.
- Maybe you’re not meant to have kids.
- Do you want one of my kids?
Instead say:
- I may not understand what you’re going through, but I’m here to talk and listen.
- This sucks, I’m so sorry.
- Just wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing.
- I know it’s (fill in holiday), just wanted to let you know I’m thinning of you.
- Your pain is valid.
- This is so unfair and I know you will be an amazing mom or dad.
The truth of the matter is- don’t ignore the topic. If someone has shared with you that they are going through infertility, they are looking for support from you. They aren’t looking for advice or a quick fix solution, they are simply looking for you to be there for them and be a shoulder to lean on.
Now if you are someone who is experiencing infertility and the holidays are especially challenging here are some ideas of things you can do on those days, including Mother’s Day, which is right around the corner:
- Skip an event that you know will make the day even harder.
- Do something for yourself: get a massage, go for a hike, treat yourself to a manicure or pedicure.
- Go shopping and get yourself something special.
- Grab some lunch or dinner with a friend.
- Take a long bath with music, bubbles, a glass a champagne.
Whatever it is that will help ease the pain just a bit that day.
