Right now I have five very close friends struggling with challenges that come with trying to conceive a child.

As someone who is 6 months pregnant with my third child, I think about them almost every day.

I’m not sure they know this.

When I first found out I was pregnant again, it took me months to muster up the courage to tell these friends my news. I felt guilty and also anxious because I knew it would make them sad. I was fearful that our relationships would change. To be honest, some have and I expected that. Throughout a friendship there are times when a break is a good thing though, everyone needs their own space to grow (both literally and figuratively!)  When it comes to fellow mama friends, I’ve found that connections ebb, flow and change often. Even though you both are mothers and have that title in common,  it can be hard to truly relate when you’re both going through something totally different.

Yet in an effort to be a supportive friend all the time, I’m trying to understand what some of these mamas are going through, even though I’m not in their shoes.

If you have a friend or family member going through infertility the most important thing you can do for them is listen and let them know you care.

 Offer kinds words of encouragement. Inspiration such as, “It only takes one egg,” or “Do what is best for you,” can really go a long way.

Steer clear of potentially hurtful phrases. Statements like, “At least you already have one child,” or “You don’t want any more kids!” are probably not the best things to say to a friend dealing with infertility.

Share resources. I was able to crowdsource all of my infertility-struggling friends to get great book recommendations and blogs to pass around. P.S. I have heard the book It Starts With The Egg is amazing!

Lend an ear. Sometimes a friend just needs to talk. Set up a regular wine or coffee date and let her talk about whats going on. Or, make it a point to ask her how things are going, as a way to help start the conversation.

Recommend alternatives. I have one friend going the all-natural route for infertility treatment. She has had a great experience with acupuncture and essential oils. Another friend couldn’t be more opposite and has found regular medical procedures to be beneficial. Either way, it doesn’t hurt to offer new alternatives to a friend going through infertility.

Join a new community. There are tons of Facebook groups geared toward a specific infertility diagnosis and also in-person meetups throughout Austin as well. Find a tribe of ladies going through a similar experience and encourage your friend to join them. While a new group can be intimidating, it could also be the start of some amazing friendships too. Mama’s need all the support they can get!

Know when it’s time for a professional to step in. If you become concerned with your friends well-being, it may be good to steer her in the direction of a therapists or a coach that deals with infertility. These professionals exist for a reason! Help her to feel calm and confident, instead of anxious and shy about going that route.

Just because I am pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with other mama’s dealing with infertility. I hope it’s actually the opposite and they see that I care about them more than words, wine and hugs can show. Ultimately, I just want our kiddos to grow up together so I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens for my mom friends!