First comes love then comes marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
That’s the age old saying, right?
Well our story went a little more like this…first came love then came a baby then came marriage and we never had a carriage.
Matt and I are were elated (once the shock from 7 positive pregnancy tests wore off) to learn we were going to grow our love nest, even if it wasn’t the traditional way. Initially we were concerned about what people would think about our modern family, but once the outpouring of love and support started flowing, we were no longer worried…that is…until she was born.
We were sitting in the living room with our newborn nearby filling out her baby book when this conversation took place…
V: In ten years she’s going to figure out we weren’t married when she was born…
M: So…
V: Well, I don’t want her to think its okay…
M: It was okay for you but not for her?
And that made me think. Why is that? I mean we want the absolute best for our kids and although our “situation” wasn’t ideal…it wasn’t BAD. Matt and I were are madly in love and she has been raised in a loving household. Why don’t I want her to follow my baby-makin’ footsteps? Does that make me a hypocrite? And does being a hypocrite make me a bad mom?
We would prefer she take the traditional approach to growing her family, but if she doesn’t, we will still support her…and we never want her to think she was a boo boo (even though she was a precious one)…what’s your advice? How would you approach inquisitive ten year old Caroline? And what would you tell twenty-something year old Caroline who is madly in love and wants to make babies?
Happy Monday, AMB!
I think you’re totally on the right track with your thinking. The most important thing is that she knows she is loved no matter what and you will always support her. So teach her what you want her to do, be honest with what you’ve done, express what you want for her but tell her up front, even if things happen differently, you will always love her and be there for her. I love what I heard somewhere about telling my daughters or sons if they or they get someone pregnant at 15 (or whatever) it’s definitely not the way things should happen, but that we want that baby no matter what (so they never feel like they need an abortion).
Marriage makes no difference in my opinion. I was married about 5 years ago bc I needed a surgery and I could not get health insurance under my now husband’s policy unless we got married. It was impromptu and the kids came with us to the courthouse. They have known forever that mom and dad were not married when they were born….but who cares either way?
I honestly don’t think it matters what you tell your kids…they are going to do WHATEVER they want! Just look at us! We were all told what we should and shouldnt do and did that matter? Not really. We did it anyway! I think the important thing is you try to set a good example, be honest with your children about your own mistakes, and hope & pray they make good decisions. When they don’t, be there for them and hope & pray that whatever decision they make ends up ok. I think being a parent is about hoping & praying A LOT! In the beginning you hope & pray for their health & happiness. In the middle, you hope and pray for their health and good decisions (who cares if they’re happy…teenagers are never happy)!. Once they get to adults, you hope & pray for health & happiness again. That’s how I see it!
Some of the best things happen unplanned and not on schedule. Even though we might not have been ready for a baby, I wouldn’t have wanted it to happen any other way.