a fluttering and nauseated sensation felt in the stomach when one is nervous

Do you believe in butterflies? There was a day {immature at best} where I thought butterflies were oh so important. I thrived on butterflies. If a person of interest didn’t give me butterflies, frankly, they weren’t worth the effort.

Then I met my husband.

I write a lot about being in love and being a good wife. And it’s not because I think marriage is all rainbows and “butterflies”. Trust me… I know it’s not. I will be the first person to tell you that my marriage is flawed, hard, and a lot of work! I’m completely open and honest about all of the trials and tribulations we went through to be in our current state of content. I would take content over having butterflies ANY DAY.

Why anyone would want to be “nervous” and “nauseated” when speaking of a relationship is beyond me. I associate butterflies with uncertainty, concern, and anxiety. Thinking back on previous relationships, when I felt butterflies it was because I wasn’t certain… does he love me? Do I love him… like really really really love him? I’ve loved hard in my life… my husband knows this fact about me, but to love AND be content is truly something special.

And to me that’s what separates having butterflies with being content.

My husband doesn’t give me butterflies anymore. at. all. And honestly, I am so at peace with it. I still feel special, loved, understood, and respected, but as far as feeling nauseous or nervous… nope! And I can only hope he doesn’t feel nervous about the state of our marriage… It is my hope that he feels joy and excitement, but certainly NOT butterflies.

Here are 5 Easy Marriage Tips


  1. Reminisce: I don’t care how many times you talk about the same story… always relive happy moments. Whether is remembering the first time you met or reliving the day your children were born, never stop reminiscing. Yes, we can create new memories, but it’s the old that got us where we are. Relive them as often as possible. Never ever stop. It’s okay to remember having butterflies in those first few moments, months, or even years… there is a lot of uncertainty when you meet someone new.
  2. Beat a Dead Horse: This is one of my favorite sayings…. especially when arguing. I always say, “let’s not beat a dead horse”, but that’s EXACTLY what I like to do and think ALL should do! In any relationship, you have to make sure you get out exactly what is on your mind. Get it off your chest!!! If you don’t, you will just continue to bring whatever “it” is back up repeatedly. Better to beat the dead horse in one sitting and move on!
  3. Challenge: I really think it’s important to challenge your significant other. Some might see this as a negative, but I view it as positive. My husband knows that he can’t get much past me. I tune into every detail and challenge him on things that don’t make sense. I’m definitely not a go-with-the-flow kind of wife and I think it keeps my hubs on his toes. When it comes down to it, I know he respects me more for challenging him.
  4. Recognize: It is human nature to desire recognition and praise. Whether it’s from completing a honey-do list or shedding a few pounds, we all love to have our ego’s stroked. Now for ME, I make sure not to do it too often so that when I do, it’s truly appreciated.
  5. Listen: It’s hard to think about butterflies, when the most daunting task of my day is listening. After non-stop chatter and never-ending chores { I just realized most of my peers have maids… I do NOT}, listening to my husband’s day {or anything, really} sounds as difficult as cleaning the underneath side of the toilet. I’ve learned that if I give my husband 15-20 minutes of uninterrupted, engaging, Q&A attention, that we are both more engaged and in tune. And if you are at odds and battling a certain topic, turn your ears up double time!

Just because you no longer have butterflies in your marriage does NOT mean that you are no longer excited, passionate, or in love. The two just do not go hand in hand.

So what do you think… are butterflies a must in a relationship? How do you keep “it” alive?

Listen in on this blog being featured on the Just Add Sprinkles podcast here. 



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