I saw this meme on the internet recently that said, “2016 is two months away and I still think 2008 was like two years ago.” It made me realize how much my brain still thinks I’m 22. I’ve finally reached an age where when people ask how old I am we have a long awkward pause while I calculate my real age in my head. I’m not so good at math so most of the time I just change the subject. Or walk away from them.
If that didn’t get my brain twirling enough about the aging process, well then I did a drive-by of the new beautiful HEB across the street from our house and I about crapped my pants with excitement. My toddler echoed every single ohhhh and ahhhh that came out my mouth as I made laps in the parking lot. Then he asked the kicker, “mama you happy?” Oh dear lord, yes. The answer is yes. I am happy about a grocery store. A grocery store. I think I instantly got six grey hairs as I pondered that terrifying question and realized I am no longer a young adult. I’m just a normal adult doing way too many adult things. This realization was something fierce so in the interest of laughing off one more crazy fact about life, I decided to put together a list of all the reasons you might be an adult.
- You get excited about grown up things. As a young adult I got excited about house parties and spring break. Now I get excited about grocery stores and throw pillows and Instacart.
- You drink wine. As a young adult the only knowledge I had of vino was that old ladies guzzled it out of massive wine glasses they named Big Joe. I also knew they never had wine on the ladies night dollar drink menu so I spent my early 20’s drinking amaretto sours instead. That’s gross. Adults drink wine at home during happy hour aka the time between your kids bedtime and your bedtime.
- You go to bed before 10pm. I used to stay up till 4am binge watching tv shows. Now I watch shows in 30 minute segments before exhaustion (and the above mentioned happy hour) catches up to me and I’m drooling on my pillow.
- You pee yourself. If you’ve ever been pregnant or pushed 9 pound humans out your jay then you definitely know what I mean. But apparently that’s not the only way your bladder can fail you. Supposedly just time will do it. I think on my 30th birthday I got a Depends coupon in the mail. How in the world did that happen? By adulting. Adulting made them find me.
- You pay bills. My favorite childhood memory was not paying bills.
- You drive a car with 4 doors. 2 door vehicles are not effective for loading and unloading tiny humans and dogs plus all your unnecessary grown up possessions. I used to drive a sporty civic I named Ellie. Now I drive a playroom/kitchen on wheels that I call a swagger wagon to make myself feel better about the ridiculous amount of storage space I geek out about on the daily.
- You meal plan. In my 20’s my meal plan consisted of takeout menus and Tostino’s pizza rolls. Now I follow a budget and have to feed people other than myself. If the meal plan doesn’t happen then we go over budget and have to start rationing diapers for the month. There’s another reason right there. Diapers. For babies and adults too I suppose (read number 4).
- You shop online. As a young adult I frolicked through the mall on a regular basis. Adults ain’t got time for that. And lots of adults have tiny humans that make the experience unbearable. There was this one time when I was 12 months pregnant and trying on maternity jeans. My toddler somehow escaped his stroller and was knocking down clothes racks. I had to retrieve him pantsless. As in I didn’t have pants on and was chasing my toddler in the mall. That might have been the last time I went to the mall actually. Online shopping is amazeballs. Amazon prime and stitch fix and honest bundles save lives plus you can do it pantsless and not be judged.
- You buy appliances. As a young adult I either used a laundromat or my parent’s house to clean my clothes. I was clueless appliance shopping was even a thing, let alone the cost involved. Then I married a dude who started adulting before me and used his washing machine. Then the unthinkable happened. The washing machine broke. Say what? These things don’t just work forever? Here’s my toddler during our first appliance shopping experience. He must have read my mind when I started looking at price tags. Only difference is my “wow” was followed by tears of sadness. There are lots of days I feel like I can’t adult and this was definitely one of them.
- You put others before yourself. So enough funny talk, let’s get serious for one whole second. As a young adult you only care about yourself. Everything you do is for you and you don’t feel an ounce of guilt for any of it. When you are grown up adulting, guilt is your middle name. Being an adult comes with mental breakdown levels of responsibility. As a young adult, I would call in “sick” after a late night out or skip class to go to the mall. Tiny human bosses don’t give me sick days and adults can’t just skip a mortgage payment to hit up Forever 21 instead. I mean you could technically do either, but then CPS might get involved and you’d have to make your 4 door vehicle your new home.
So there ya have it. Adulting. It’s tough work, but I wouldn’t trade my gold fish infested minivan for an amaretto sour any day. Well, on second thought…
What made you realize you were no longer a carefree young adult? What parts of adulting are hard for you?