Recently our family went through some big changes…. We had a surprise pregnancy with our 3rd child and turned into a family of 3 *almost* under 3 all while starting construction on a new home, our forever home. My pregnancy was incredibly uncomfortable as I had excruciating hip and pelvic pain beginning in the 2nd trimester and lasting all the way to the end. My husband and I were both stressed making decisions on the new house, trying to build in a semi-rural area during one of the wettest years of the last decade, preparing for a new baby while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for our two older kids who were 2 going on 3 and 1 going on 2. Oh yeah, and we both work full time outside the home… my husband owning his rapidly growing business and me working in a job I love but with lots of responsibility for people and projects.
It was so easy this last year to just wish to skip ahead and be past certain stages of our lives.
Skip to when baby #3 arrives and we learn how to function as a family where the kids outnumber the adults.
Skip ahead to the house being done and we’re settled in.
Skip ahead past the THREENAGER stage, O.M.Geeeeee, please, let’s skip that!
Skip past the colicky baby time.
Skip past stomaching the cost of 3 kids in child care.
Skip past selling our old home.
Skip past the sleepless nights.
You see for a period of time all this wishful skipping consumed my thoughts on a daily basis. Then my maternity leave was over and it was time to return to work.
WAIT, STOP, TIME SLOW DOWN, JUST ONE MORE DAY….
Within a short period of time being back in the office, my mentality started to shift. I was sad my breastfeeding journey with my baby boy came to an end very quickly this time. Although I had no regrets it was so emotional to not have that special bonding time with him anymore. I was struggling trying to help my oldest daughter, now 3 ½ work her way through this new life, the one that mommy is back in the office full time and we’re also moved into our new home that also still had ongoing construction and contractors constantly in and out. My heart would break for her every day that she had a rough day at school and wasn’t her happy sweet self, instead she was scared and lashing out at others as she tried to adjust to all the big change in her life. I was trying so hard to give my just over 2 yr old time with mommy and help her move from being the baby to now a “big girl” and middle child. And my husband? Yeah, we were both in survival mode and desperately trying to figure out what our future would look like if we couldn’t get these stresses under control.
There was a day, a single day, that it all hit me. I poured a glass of wine that evening and my husband and I discussed how we could make some changes in our work lives to help with our home life because right now, in this life, THAT was most important to us.
There were big decisions made that night but in the end we both decided to change our mindset and instead of stressing about the craziness going on we decided to start enjoying these moments, this LIFE that we were living and these LIVES that we are responsible for raising.
Almost four years ago now we started our adoption journey. At the time we couldn’t understand how any parent couldn’t simply be grateful for the kids in their lives. We so badly wanted that noisy, messy life, how in the world could anyone complain about it??? Ohhh how quickly we forgot those feelings and turned into parents that just wanted peace and quiet. Instead of being grateful for a surprise unplanned pregnancy that brought us our baby boy, we were overwhelmed with going from ZERO to THREE kids in such a short period of time.
Today…
We’ve made major changes in our professional lives. I am GRATEFUL that we are in a position that allowed us to do this. We recognize that this isn’t always an option for parents and I’m beyond grateful that it was for us because making these changes has made our family happier. I am GRATEFUL for the hard days, the days my toddlers turning preschoolers push my buttons. They are literally growing up before our eyes and I know the day will come all too soon that we had the “last” of a certain stage and I’ll miss the innocence of it all.
We are both working hard to just enjoy the little moments, the dance parties where the girls dress up in tutus and their ballet shoes, or rather “tippy toes” as they call them and put on performances nightly for us.
The many firsts that our baby boy is experiencing. He’s already trying to grow up too fast and keep up with his sisters. He’s loving food and started crawling at an earlier age than both our girls. He’s sweet and silly and loves to snuggle. As I work on getting my girls to sleep better at night, and in their own beds, I also secretly enjoy that I’ve got a baby that still needs me and loves to snuggle.
When I chat with friends that have older kids and are experiencing the next stage of life with them I am reminded that these relatively simple days will pass all too quickly and new challenges will arise.
I take a moment to sit back and just smile at all they are doing and say THANK YOU for today’s challenge adventure. I’ve tried to not look ahead too much, only plan as much as I absolutely have to and express gratitude in these everyday moments. There will be a time for older kids, more exciting vacations, a cleaner house, eating out at adult restaurants…. just not today. 🙂
