When I told my husband I was writing on sex again today he rolled his eyes and said in a high pitch whiney voice, “whhhhy, our mothers read your blogs; your grandmother reads your blogs, not to mention aunts, cousins, cousin’s kids, etc!” I told him I’d start writing and see how it sounded before publishing, but that’s just boring!!! So if you’re related to me and you don’t want to read about what I have to say regarding sex, then please stop reading here! Thank you 🙂
Most relationships post children can become a bit stagnant after a while and you tend to get into a routine. I mean I’m sure this is how we all describe and pretend our sex lives are like, right?
I won’t go into details, but Wesley and I have a sex routine and I’m sure most couples with little ones get into one too. Surely I’m not alone???? Today isn’t about fixing what’s broken, but rather broaden your horizons and list out the pros and cons with each time of day you can partake in sexual activities. I compiled a list of every possibility I could think of for all types of personalities, but let me know if I left off a pro or con!
Morning Sex or Afternoon Delight:
- It’s out of the way for the day
- There’s no pressure at the end of the night when you’re exhausted from chasing little Suzie around all night
- You’ve got your cardio and/or Pilates in for the morning
- Your man is in the best mood of his life for the entire day
- Your man showers you with love and affection the rest of the day, because of his insanely obnoxious good mood
- You’re the sex goddess/hero for the day
- If you’re that RARE percentage, you might be in a decent mood for the day
- It definitely wakes you the %@*$ up!
- You’ve helped your husband out with a situation called, Nocturnal Penile Tumescence…look it up 🙂
- You have to deal with morning breath (applicable for morning only, hopefully you’ve brushed your teeth by the afternoon)
- Most likely neither participating parties have showered
- You probably need to pee
- You aren’t drunk
- You might have to deal with discomfort for the rest of the day
- If you are trying to conceive, you may be left with bodily fluids for the rest of the day…ewww, I know! Just keepin’ it real, ladies…keepin’ it real.
- You risk having your kid(s) walk in on you! Locks, people!!!
- Your husband will most likely be tired afterwards
- You have to cram it into a tight time slot unless you want to wake up at the crack of dawn (assuming it’s during the work week)
- You have to deal with bartering and coercion, which might actually be a pro now that I think about it
- Your makeup is ruined, your hair is ruined, you’re dirty the remainder of the day (pertains to afternoon delight)
- You can see your post baby body and then you’re depressed the remainder of the day
- The lights are off
- You get to pretend you’re a Greek Goddess because the reality of your post baby body is hidden in darkness
- Greater probability of intoxication
- Less likelihood of kid(s) walking in on you in the middle of Full Throttle (It’s an energy drink, folks! What were you thinking?)
- You most likely won’t have to worry about morning sex the next day
- Mood lighting like candles are optional
- You get to immediately pass out afterwards
- If you’re trying to conceive you have a better probability due to gravity…you get to just lay there afterwards
- You can just lay there and let your husband do all the work, because he’s understanding that it’s been a long day
- Your husband sleeps soundly afterwards
- Your man is expecting it, because he’s been waiting all day
- You’re exhausted because your day has consisted of work all day, bath time, dinner time, laundry, 20 minutes of American Idol, and now he wants you to be an acrobat
- It might not happen at all, because of con #2 and then you have a cranky husband, boyfriend, lover, whatever the next morning
- Let’s face it, sex perks women up… So you might be wide awake ready to talk and conquer the world… great, it’s now 11:30 pm and your husband is snoring and you’re left with Facebook and TMZ
- Now your sheets are dirty
- Now you are dirty
- Higher chance of a Urinary Tract Infection if you don’t remember to get up afterwards and use the restroom
- Now that you’ve played Mary Poppins for the entire day/evening, you now have to go to the bedroom and be Porn Star, Jenna Jameson too… moms really do wear several hats, I guess
- You have to deal with the nagging and begging because they’ve been impatiently waiting all day
I’ve literally racked my brain and called on my sister and friends trying to think of every single pro and con to morning/afternoon sex versus evening sex IF you’re like the majority of moms in a monogamous relationship. Sure, there are some women out there who just love sex anytime anywhere and welcome frequency… I just don’t know any of you! As you can see the cons win by 3 with morning/afternoon sex and the pros win by 1 with evening sex. Let me know if I left any off though, maybe we’ll have a whole new statistic!